In today’s economy it’s not easy finding a good job. Ask any college graduate who’s flinging hamburgers at Burger King or McDonald’s.
But, finally there’s a job opening in New York City that might be worth filling out a resume for. Godfather of the powerful Gambino Crime Family. And, if you’re an orphan, or just don’t have a really great family, what better way to latch onto a really honest to goodness family, steeped in tradition, and, Italian to boot, than the Gambino Crime Family.
The job is up for grabs considering Francesco “Franky Boy” Cali, (49) the heir apparent to the Gambino dynasty turned down the job to be the next Godfather.
Why you ask? Well, according to “Franky Boy,” “I don’t need the money, the headaches. I am OK with things and I am below the radar and not an attention-seeker.”
Me also thinkith due to the volatile nature and pressures of being a Godfather that Frankie, again, 49, would love to reach the ripe old age of 50. Very stressful being a Godfather. Ya never know when you might fall into a vat of cement.
Completely understandable considering most of us always attempt to stay below the radar. I, for one, always drive on back roads as to avoid radar. So, in essence, Frankie Boy isn’t too much different from the rest of us. Just a normal type guy trying to stay below the radar.
And you all know that when you’re head of the Mafia, especially “THE GODFATHER” himself, it’s very hard to stay below the radar simply because being driven around in one of those Godfather limos is pretty difficult due to those back country roads that limos find hard to maneuver.
Yes, there are other drawbacks to being the Godfather. You constantly have to put up with all sorts of low lifes knocking on your Godfather office door and asking for favors. Then you have to wash your hands after each visit after a long line of guys insist on kissing your Godfather ring. And, as in any other high-profile job, ya have to watch out for ratfinks. (most of them look like Joe Pesci so they’re easy to spot)
I would think that filling out a resume would be rather simple. Maybe something like……in my case……….
Name: Dickie “The Nose” (last name omitted for security concerns and just in case Edward Snowden has tapped into my computer)
Address: Here and there.
Age: Um, I’d rather not say. But, I look at lot younger than I am. Or I look a lot older than I am. Your choice depending on exactly what you’re looking for. I’m flexible.
Experience: I had a family of my own for many years although not quite as big as the Gambino family. But, size doesn’t matter….family is family.
I started out small running a Kool Aid franchise and then expanded my venture to include Snapple, V-8, and for the rich customers, Harry Daniels whiskey, which is a Jack Daniels knock off for those wishing to save a buck.
My first hit was (omitted for security purposes) who I shoved into a house of ill repute and he died of a heart attack, but had a smile on his face. From then I escalated my business into loan sharking, but the demand for loans from sharks diminished when porpoises from the North side of town took over. And I put out a lot of contracts on people on my Facebook site.
I can make a mean spaghetti sauce, can be loyal to my family, but knock off any of them if they are pains in the ass. I can also learn to pronounce “Godfather,” as “Godfadder.”
I can also speak fluent Italian.
Example: “Hey Louie, go over to da Easta side and whack dat no good rat fink Joe Bannanas and dumpa hisa body in da Easta River.”
So, if you can possibly come up with an excellent resume, similar to the one I wrote above, you might be a shoe in.
Better step on it though. This opening won’t last long. If the Gambino’s are forced back to the Godfather drawing board, (an etch-a-sketch), sources say they may go out-of-town for a successor, and are considering a top “hood” in the Connecticut faction of the family. Not some guy named “Robin” either.
WAIT! I’m from Connecticut. OMG! They might be considering ME!!!!
“Honeee. Did you happen to check out our phone messages today on the answering machine?”
“Yeah, no messages other than one that keeps calling and says, “unknown name.”
“Hmmmm. Um, was there any heavy breathing in the background?”
“Well, come to think of it there was kinda a heavy breathing sound and what sounded like some violin music playing in the background.”
“Did it sound like Godfadder type violin music?”
“You mean like in the movie “The Godfather?”
“Yeah yeah….like that!”
‘Well, now that you mention it, it did sound like that along with what sounded like knuckles cracking in the background.”
“OMG!!! It’s the Gambino family calling me. They read my resume. Honeee…..I could be the next Godfadder!”
“Yeah…..in your freakin dreams.”
“But honeee, they could make me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
“Yeah….right….like quit sending us those stupid ass resumes applying for the position of the Godfather or we’re gonna take “Dickie The Nose” and break that nose with a rubber hose.”
“Yikes! Um…..think I’ll just pass on that Godfadder job.”
“But….. I hear there’s a few openings for Fairy Godfadders at Disneyland. How dangerous can THAT job be?”
“You know you’re a piece of work don’t you.
(sigh) Yeah……still in progress.”
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