Now I Have To Worry About My Zip Code? WTF!

Look folks, on a daily basis I tend to NOT worry about a lot of stuff. In fact, I leave the worrying to my other half. Why? Because she’s a freakin’ worrywort and worrys about EVERYTHING!  So why in the hell should I worry about ANYTHING when I live with a professional worrier. Works for me.


“OMG! Panic! Panic! It might rain. Worms will come out. Did I leave the windows open? Was that I bug I just saw! Eeeek! An ant! What was that noise? Does my nose look crooked? Was that a cat barfing? 

But, that said, I can completely understand why she’s that way. There a just a lot of things to worry about. Let me give you a short example of how she worries and then I’ll get into this zip code thing…..which I’m sure will be yet another thing she’ll go bonkers over.

(conversation between me and my other half)

“OMG Honeeee. There’s an ant walking across the patio floor!”

“Um, yeah so what?”

“Kill him…stomp on him, get rid of it before we have ants all over the place!”

“Honey, it’s just one stinkin’ ant for cripes sakes. He probably was just taking a short cut from one end of the yard to the other and figured the patio was the shortest distance from point A to point B.”

“I want him dead and I want him dead NOW!”

“Honeeee….AGAIN……it’s only ONE stinkin’ ant for cripes sake!”

“I don’t care. If there’s one ant you know there’s gonna be others….kill it!”

“Look, I’m NOT gonna kill that ant. I’ll throw him outside with the other ants. He might have a family and they’d worry about him.”

“Oh sure, and then the rest of the ants come marching in and before ya know it there are ants everywhere!”

“OK…OK….I’ll get in my truck, drive two miles up the road, and drop it off somewhere in a field somewhere….how’s that suit you?”

“Oh sure, then you’re wasting gas, wear and tear on the truck tires, and I’ll be all alone here out on the patio where some pervert could jump me while you’re gone..”


“Ok….ya happy now?”


Ya want the freakin’ ants gone don’t ya…..

So, as you can see, I’m living with a woman who can drive any man nuts. So, with that in mind, I didn’t have the heart to tell her about this latest revelation about zip codes. Which is that the zip code that you and I have can mean a shorter life expectancy according to research by the “Robert Wood Johnson Foundation,” the largest U. S. philanthropy organization devoted to public health. (no relation to James Wood, Natalie Wood, Van Johnson or Howard Johnson.

And, as far as I know, have not delved into the life expectancy of ants walking across indoor patios when there is a woman present)

According to Andrew Perry, dean of urban education at Davenport University the life expectancy play comes into the picture based on poverty, education and violence. Which I’m assuming ties into your zip code.


This is NOT the kind of zip codes we’re talkin’ about here. So get your mind out of the gutter ya damn perverts.

“It’s the constant exposure to crime, to processed foods, to low-performing schools, to stress, (from ants too) to all of these factors. Basically what he’s saying is that the zip code you live in determines your life expectancy. Like if you live in a low-income or run down zip code area, you’re basically screwed.

But if you live in an upscale area with a higher income, you could actually have several zip codes because then you wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Unless you have one of those “Da Vinci Code” thingys and see Tom Hanks hanging around your house. Then you better start worrying. You know how the government and Tom Hanks get all bent outta shape when ya mention the words “Da Vinci” and codes.


And the “da Vinci Code”… verrrrry careful

Here’s an interesting point from that article. According to calculations from the Virginia Commonwealth University Center on Human Needs, (is it me or is there a university for just about anything) residents in the 70112 zip code, which includes the Treme neighborhood, had the highest rates of cardiovascular mortality, stroke and diabetes mortality. It was also the poorest zip code in the city, along with the third largest population of people over 25 without a high school diploma.

Which means, I’m assuming, that if you live in that 70112 zip code area….get the freak outta there fast if you wanna live. My guess. Or don’t mail any letters out using a zip code. Hell, don’t even go to a post office using that zip code. Ya might get run over by a damn mail truck or something.

Cripes, move to one of those affluent neighborhoods with a really safe zip code. Like Beverly Hills 90210.


Some of the residents of the zip code 90210. Who obviously do not suffer from bad zipcodedanitus

Um….WAIT! Maybe not there. The next thing ya know your appearing in a TV series by the same name and everyone in the world knows what the hell your life is all about,. No privacy either.

Simple solution if you want to live a long life. Do not mail any letters using a zip code. Stay away from mailmen and post offices and strictly use the Internet to do all of your mailing.

At least until another research team comes up with how using e-mail can be hazardous to your life

Ya think maybe Native American Indians had the best deal when they used smoke signals?Never saw anything negative about that.

And they never had to worry about zip codes, Da Vinci codes, secret codes, area codes, or getting a code…um…..cold going out to mail a letter.

Just getting run over by some nut on a pony delivering express mail.

Which may have been the only negative report to come out of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation on how hazardous delivering mail by pony express was with regard to Indians.


Which is also the reason Indians never got into package deliveries

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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1 Response to Now I Have To Worry About My Zip Code? WTF!

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