Shades of Tim Allen on “Tool Time.” The ultimate man tool is about to drive all men nuts to the point where they’re gonna wanna hock everything they own to buy this thing. Maybe even dump their spouses to save a few bucks on wives spending money so they can buy this mother of all mother of mother’s riding lawnmowers.
Ya think I’m kidding here! MEN! In the name of all mankind….STOP what you’re doing and watch this video: (I’ll wait right here)
Soooo. Am I 100 % right or what! Isn’t it worth dumping your wife to save money to buy this. Maybe even shipping the kids and the family cat or dog off to a camp till they’re all in the 20’s or something. Cripes, it’s worth it. Ya can’t pass up on THIS deal. Nooooo way.
Yep, the Honda super fast “Mean Mower” with a top speed of….(get this) 100 MPH. YES! 100 MPH! OMG!!! 100 MPH!!! Just think of the possibilities.
Cutting your lawn in 4 minutes flat just to name one. No self-respecting gnat is even gonna try to keep up with ya. Squirrels will be toast. Gophers will beat feet and goph somewhere else rather than put up with the noise. Not to mention getting decapitated.
But that’s not all. It can also get up to a speed of 130 MPH for those of you who reallllly wanna cut your lawn in 2 minutes flat. Take THAT NASCAR!
According to a news report by “The Insider,” the “Mean Mower” got its start as a different model, the Honda HF2620 Lawn Tractor, but then the developers replaced the 20 HP motor with a supercharged 1,000 cc V-twin that actually comes from the Honda VTR1000 Firestorm Sport.
(all those numbers confuse the hell outta me but it might make sense to some of you lawn/tractor nuts out there)
Furthermore, the lawnmower also got the bikes six-speed transmission and a stronger suspension to handle a set of ATV wheels and tires. And, for good measure, they threw in a racing seat. Eat your heart out Danica Patrick.
Here’s the best part guys. The lawnmower can go from zero to 60 MPH in about four seconds. YES! FOUR SECONDS! Holy Batman! In four seconds I could not only cut my own lawn, but everybody’s in one fell swoop. Providing of course all those lawns were in a straight line and I didn’t get pulverized by a semi while crossing streets.
There are a couple of minor drawbacks to owning this lawnmower. But, nothing to really concern yourself about. I mean, WTF…..a lawnmower that goes 100 to 130 MPH! Who gives a rats ass about a few minor drawbacks.
But, just in case you DO have a rat, and give its ass, the few drawbacks are: The grass collection bag is filled mostly with a gas tank and water coolers and the cutting cable only works when the vehicle is kept under 15 MPH. But, that’s still about twice as fast as your average mower.
I say….what the hell! Screw picking up grass. Speed is the most important thing here.
“Dear……will you please go out and mow the North forty today.”
“Oh sure honeeee. Be right back.”
(2 minutes later)
“Honeeee…..you’re already done mowing the lawn?”
“Yep…..although I may have inadvertently run over our next door neighbors Mini Cooper while I was rounding a turn doing 100 MPH. No problem however. I’m sure he’s more concerned with finding Fluffy the cat because I suspect that meowing I heard for a split second might mean it’s now in my lawnmower bag.”
Oh yeah….one other minor problem. For the neighbors, not you. This mother of all lawnmowers may somewhat annoy your neighbors. The model tops off at 130 decibels. Kinda noisy at 7am when you’re trying to get the grass cut before the heat of the day. But, what the hell…..screw them neighbors if they can’t sympathize with you for wanting to cut the grass before it gets too hot.
Besides, who the hell needs neighbors. Most of them are a pain in the ass anyhow. So rev that baby up.
The Honda lawnmower hasn’t hit the market yet but they’ve been showing it off using racer, Gordon “Flash” Shedden. However not at the Indy 500.
So men. The drudgery of mowing your lawn is coming to an end. No more dreading that tedious task. No more driving to the gas station with a gas can to fill up your mower. Just drive up in your Honda Mean Mower and say, (mean looking) “fill er up!.” Then, just for the effect, do a wheely, spin out, and get back to your house in 10 seconds flat at 100 MPH.
“So buddy. Ya know I clocked ya doin’ 100 MPH on that last swing around your front yard don’t ya.”
“But officer, there’s no posted speed limit on my front lawn.”
“Look around pal. You’re not on your front lawn anymore. You’re in the town’s exotic rose-bush and venus fly trap park. And ya leveled it all.”
“Oh…heh heh….soreeeee. I must have taken that last turn doing 100 MPH a bit wide.”
And you all thought Tim Allen’s souped up inventions on “Tool Time” were just a fantasy.
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