Sooooo, How Hot Is It? It’s sooooo hot that…….

hot4Usually when I pant, it has nothing to do with heat. Watching Gretchen Moll in the movie “Bettie Page” or scanning through the pages of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue maybe, but not heat. Um….except for, the “heat of the moment.” Which has remotely nothing at “this moment” to do with sex.

g

G-g-g-gretchen M-m-m-m-moll as Betttie Page. (panting from the heat and Gretchen)

Or….as my other half and a gazillion other women would say, “SEX! What are you nucking futs….it’s too freakin hot you numbskull!!!!”

Like the rest of you across the U.S., I’m beginning to get a feel of what it will be like to live in Hell when my time comes. Thank Gawd it’s ok to run around naked in Hell.

p

Perfect timing

Sooooo…..how hot is it? I thought you’d never ask.

It’s sooooo hot I saw a squirrel out in the backyard this morning fanning his nuts.

m

The heat affects everyone’s attitudes

It’s sooooo hot I saw a sign in a restaurant window that said, “No shoes, no shirt, no pants, no problem.”hot5

It’s soooo hot the National Weather Service issued a fat guy in a tank top warning.

m

I’m feeling nauseous all of a sudden and I don’t think it’s because of the heat

It’s soooooo hot birds are using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.hot6

It’s soooooo hot I just saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

n

It’s too hot to chase anything so I bought a chasing DVD for the dog, cat and mouse till it cools off a bit.

It’s sooooo hot today Dick Cheney was water boarding himself.

m

Old habits are hard to break

It’s soooooo hot today even the evil witch in the “Wizard of Oz” begged to have water thrown on her.hot2

And finally, it’s soooooo hot today the sunflowers are looking for shade.hot1

So until this heat wave is over I suggest we all just “cool it” by staying out of the sun. Avoid any strenuous work….like mowing the lawn, weeding, going out into a hot car to do some useless grocery shopping, or even a simple task like taking the trash out.

All those tasks could be extremely hazardous to men…um….I meant people.

Please do not hesitate to point that fact out to your spouse. Heat can be a killer. Point out to her that you are more than willing to help out with any household chore, but given the fact that it’s too damn hot to even exist, she’d be better off waiting until December.

If she buys that line, you’re safe and outta the woods.

If she doesn’t, better hope you die from heat stroke……..

Cause your goose or chicken is gonna be cooked and she’s gonna make your worthless life a nightmare…….hot3

On second thought…….if you use that heat excuse, and she doesn’t buy it, dying from heat stroke might be the lesser of two evils.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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