Distressing News: Danica Patrick Won’t Appear Nude……Yet.

And neither will her race car. Rats!

Jay Busbee, in “Marbles,” whatever the hell that site is, (hope they have all of their’s) reports that Danica Patrick has said that she will not appear nude in “ESPN’s” body issue. Or it might have been that she meant that her racing car will not appear nude in ESPN’s body issue. I’m not quite sure which body she was talking about.

Personally I’d love to see her racing car nude. You know, without all those advertisements on it. (pant)

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WHAT? Doesn’t every race car driver dress like this?

Anyhow, what she really meant was that although she’s not going to appear nude, she hasn’t ruled it out. In a recent press conference Patrick stated, “I just never felt like that was something I needed or wanted to do. A lot of stuff that I’ve done that has been scantily clad has all been swimsuit stuff.”

YES…..we all understand that you’ve done those scantily clad swimsuit stuff photos Danica, but, what the hell, ya might as well go for the whole enchilada and pose naked with a naked car. A first if ya ask me. How many race car drivers do ya see posing naked with a naked race car?

Um…I’m talkin’ about female race car drivers. I for one have no interest is seeing Jeff Gordon or Dale Earnhardt Jr. posing naked next to a race car. Yes, I know….you women reading this disagree with me. But, this is MY blog and it’s MY opinion. Soooooo…..if ya wanna see Jeff or Dale naked….write your own damn blog.

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Yet another reason men need 3D TV

So she was asked what’s the difference between wearing a bikini and taking it all off?

Her reply: “There’s a difference to me between going to the beach and wearing a swimming suit and going to the beach and wearing nothing or paint.”

Paint? Who wears paint at a beach? I don’t get it.

Hmmmm. Are people now going to beaches wearing paint instead of swimming suits? Did I somehow miss out on that? AND….if ya went to a beach with nothing but paint on your body wouldn’t it wash off.? Unless of course you used Rustoleum or something. I have heard that if you use a really good stain, like on your backyard deck, it’ll last forever.

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How do ya like THIS body buddy? THE CAR YOU IDIOT…..I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT THE CAR!

But Danica has left the ol race car door open, saying, “I’m not saying there will never be a day.” (possibly meaning that she someday will pose naked….or at least her race car will)

And, “When I speak to them and they ask me each time I say, “don’t stop asking. I don’t know. I might change my mind one year. And it might be something that parallels something else I’m doing, or where I’m at, or how I’m feeling, but just not right now.”

So, reading those comments above I have concluded that we men need to keep asking her…..constantly….day in and day out. Then try to figure out what it is she meant by, “something that parallels something else.” Like maybe if she were to install a shower device in her race car to save time showering and THEN, being naked already, pose for a naked photo shoot. Makes sense to me.

dd

It may not be fast, but if Danica’s in there showering naked, who in their right mind wants this car to go fast.

Or, as she said, “where I’m at.” Which could be just about anywhere. Daytona, Indianapolis, Atlanta, Talladega to name a few race track venues. So, I suggest holding up signs if you attend those events saying, “Danica, is THIS the “WHERE” you’re talking about?”  Just to be on the safe side just in case it IS the “where” she was talking about. Better to be safe than sorry……………………sorry ya missed out if that was the place where she decided to get naked at.

And her last comment, that “feeling” part. Meaning, “Hey, if I’m “feeling” like I wanna get naked, then I’ll get naked.” Which, is kinda vague, but you have to take that “feeling” comment out of context and apply it to your own relationships.

Like if you spouse says, “Hey, I’m “feeling” frisky tonight.” THEN you know you’ve made it to the checkered flag and are a sure-fire winner. And we all know, at least us men, that if a woman is “feeling” like it, then its a go! Rev up them engines boys. Pedal to the metal. A few times around the ol lap. Go for the winner’s cup. Whatever size they are….um…..sorry….whatever size the cup is.

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NOT THIS cup size

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Not THIS cup size either

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THIS cup size

Cup size is not important in NASCAR racing. Scoring the win is…..in either case.

So, we men all have to hope and pray to the NASCAR Gods that someday Danica will find the “parallel,” the “whatever she’s doing,” or “how she’s feeling,” mood and rips her race car outfit off and poses naked.

Hopefully AFTER she’s completed a race and not during the laps around the track. Lest every other male driver crash into one another trying to catch a look-see at a naked Danica Patrick.

The again, it might be a good ploy to win the race. Which could explain her, “Parallel, “whatever” and “how she’s feeling” comments.’

In the meantime, for you ladies, (can’t say I’m not thinking of you) this year’s copy of ESPN’s Body Issue has something for you.

A picture of a 77 year-old naked man. Golf legend Gary Player.

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Has this guy got some “balls” (golf) posing for this pic

Eat your hearts out ladies.

Just sayin.”

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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