OK. Enough! NOW I’m Really Pissed Off!!!!!!

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Convenient Invention Agency

Look folks. I can deal with all the bullcrap Congress dishes out to us on a daily basis. I can deal with all the theatrics in the Zimmerman/Martin case by both sides, defense and prosecution. I can deal with the fact that Mitch McConnell looks like a turtle. (poor guy) Just as I can deal with Harry Reid’s scratching your fingernails on a blackboard voice. AND…. I can even deal with the fact that on any given day I have to deal with at least one stupid person.

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For the record

BUT…..now I’ve had it. I can’t deal with this latest revelation. It just blows my mind. I’m reallllly pissed off today.

WHY? Because the CIA has been keeping a secret on one of the most important discoveries of our lifetime.

Where the freak were ya on this one Edward Snowden and Wikileaks?

What is this secret? I’ll tell ya. A new, and most likely revolutionary state of the art vacuum cleaner. YES! Possibly a vacuum cleaner that would FINALLY put me out of my misery over the one that my other half drives me nutso with. The Hoover 45,000 super charged hemi 24 cylinder vacuum cleaner that is capable of breaking the sound barrier.

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The Hoover 45,000 super charged hemi 24 cylinder vacuum cleaner. (actual photo)

So why is the CIA, (bastards) keeping this new vacuum cleaner under wraps? Because they hate all men….that’s why!

Here’s how all this came about.

According to a news story by the AP and reporter Adam Goldman, suspected terrorist Kahlid Sheikh Mohammed, (no relation to Ali) who was confined to a secret prison in Romania a decade ago and who was the admitted mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, asked his jailers if he could embark on an unusual project.

What was that project that this terrorist mastermind wanted to embark on?

He wanted to design a vacuum cleaner. YES! A freakin’ vacuum cleaner! Possibly even perfect one that would not drive all men ballistic when their spouses gleefully run around the entire house raising havoc and causing some men to commit Hari Kari.

Which, on occasion, if I actually had one of those biggggg knives would have done by now.

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Last photo of Marvin Klosnick after he couldn’t take anymore of his wife’s vacuuming (official CSI photograph)

So, what did the CIA brainiacs say? And why?

Well, they said “yes.” Sure Moe, go ahead and experiment with your new idea for a vacuum cleaner.

Again….you’re asking yourselves, why would they let a suspected terrorist design a vacuum cleaner. I’ll tell ya why. Because they didn’t want him to go freakin’ nuts.

Honest. That’s the reason. Their theory. Someday he might prove useful to the CIA and maybe even stand trial. And, for that, he’d need to be sane. So what better way to keep a terrorist from going bonkers than let him spend his time developing a new vacuum cleaner. Sounds completely logical to me.

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The CIA and Homeland Security change the threat level chart to reflect prisoners at Guantanamo interest in creating a new clothing line

Now considering Moe had earned a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering, you would have thought that rather than get involved with blowing up stuff he simply could have developed that vacuum cleaner before 9/11 and gone on to make a fortune selling his new vacuum cleaner door to door. OR…..buy out the “Hoover” company and then market his new invention.

OR…..just form his own vacuum cleaner company. Say like, “Mohammed’s Blow Your Mind Vacuum Cleaner Company.” Or….”The Al-Qaida Vacuum Cleaner Company,” our motto…..”Guaranteed to blow dirt away.”

So, Moe gets the go ahead to develop this vacuum cleaner using schematics from the Internet as his guide. (Yes….terrorists have access to the Internet as evidenced by reading some of the stupid posts on Sodahead, Twitter and Facebook)

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Where some stupid Facebook posts come from

Mohammed graduated from North Carolina A&T State University with a degree in mechanical engineering in 1986. However, it’s not clear whether Moe was interested in designing a better vacuum cleaner at that time or if he had an ulterior motive. Such as designing a better mouse trap.

The CIA guys, always of a suspicious nature, thought that he might have intended to use the plans for the vacuum cleaner to conceal secret information or trick his jailers. Because, as we all know, CIA agents hide secret information and plans in vacuum cleaner bags.  As do I as well. Um….well, at least my secret plans for harnessing the power of a venus flytrap plant that could ultimately replace my current indoor garbage disposal unit. Just think of the electricity I could save.

I’m still working on that plan.

The article also mentioned that in “Graham Greene’s” spy thriller, “Our Man In Havana,” (not about a guy in a cigar store) a vacuum cleaner salesman in Cuba agrees to work for M16, the British spy service. He dupes the British to believe that his vacuum designs are military installations. And the AP said that they were unable to determine if Mohammed ever read that famous novel.

He duped the British into believing vacuum cleaner designs were military installations?

WTF! Cripes, no wonder we had to help those British out in WWII.

“Blimey Horace. is that a Gerry tank comin’ at us or a vacuum cleaner?”

“Damn Harry, I dunno, but my guess is that it’s a vacuum cleaner. Tanks aren’t THAT noisy.”

“Excellent observation Horace.”

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Geez….thanks Sarge

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, or, as we lovingly refer to it, “Guantanamo Bay Naval Base Prison,” (Moe was transferred there in 2006) Moe’s military lawyer, Army Captain Jason Wright, (no relation to Jason Bourne) said that he was prohibited from discussing his client’s interest in vacuums.

Reporters attempted to “suck up” to him regarding the vacuum question but to no avail.

Wright went on to say, “It sounds ridiculous, but answering this question, or confirming or denying the very existence of a vacuum cleaner design, A “Swiffer” design,” or even a design for a better hand towel would apparently expose the U. S. government and its citizens to exceptionally grave danger.”

Hmmmm.

Well, he could actually have a point there.

Terrorists get their hands on a new design for a vacuum cleaner and before ya know it innocent Americans are being sucked up off of our streets in broad daylight never to be heard from again. AND…..not to mention, but I will, the possibility of being overcome by a high-powered “Swiffer.”

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Example: One woman who managed to get her hands on one of Mohammed’s new powerful vacuum cleaners. Obviously an ex CIA employee

And those hand towels. OMG! I shudder to think of what a terrorist could do with a new hand towel invention. Like maybe make it sooooo soft it puts you to sleep and then they take over the world cause you fell asleep rubbing the towel all over your face and hands.

Bastards.

So, maybe it’s not a bad idea the CIA is keeping this new vacuum cleaner under wraps. But it still pisses me off.

Here we have what could be the most important invention of the 21st century, next to Viagra and Cialis, and…um…..Twinkies, and the CIA won’t even see if it’s worth marketing to, as I said, save all mankind.

I have a sneaky suspicion that the CIA is now run by women. And they all know that the ultimate weapon against all men is a noisy vacuum cleaner. Which eventually drives men to an early grave. Which then allows women to collect their life insurance policies.

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SEE….it’s all a devious plot by women to take over the government

And once men are extinct. THEN they’ll allow Mohammed’s new vacuum cleaner design to be manufactured and sold to the general public.

Who, at that point in time will be mostly women who want peace and quiet when they’re vacuuming.

Bastards.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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3 Responses to OK. Enough! NOW I’m Really Pissed Off!!!!!!

  1. Charlie says:

    Vacuums are only noisy to those who are not using them .

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