It’s a humor blog writers ultimate dream. Both Texas Governor Rick Perry and Sarah Palin considering running for office again. And just when I had filed all of my Perry/Palin cartoons in a drawer somewhere in a hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar that I got at a Johnny Carson estate yard sale.
YES! God does have a sense of humor. Oh…thank you…..thank you.
It’s true. If you’re a Governor of a state, eventually you come down with a severe case of “Governortinitius.” Which is the affliction Governors come down with after either doing or saying way too much stupid stuff in front of massive audiences who then go into uncontrollable fits of laughter.
Let’s recall the Perry gaffe:
“On November 9th, 2011, the ninth Republican Party presidential debate was held at Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan. During the course of the debate, Rick Perry attempted to name three federal government agencies that he would seek to eliminate if elected to presidency, but he failed to recall his third choice. After more than 50 seconds of memory lapse on stage, Governor Perry eventually gave in and uttered “oops.” Later on, the third agency was revealed as the United States Department of Energy.”
YES! The “OOPS” incident. (commonly referred to as a “brain fart”) Which would also qualify me, as well as my other half, to either run for Governor or the Presidency, as we both, on many occasions suffer from “brainfartinitius)
However, neither of us are THAT stupid. Meaning that we’re not stupid enough to run for office. My theory: If I KNOW I’m stupid, and I know I tend to say stupid stuff, and I can’t control it….why the freak would I want to open myself up to saying more stupid stuff in front of a gazillion people?
Perhaps if I were auditioning for a new reality show, say like, “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader.” I’d actually consider that prospect. But running for the President or the Senate. No way Jose. (my apologies to anyone name Jose)
So now, Sarah Palin sez that she’s considering running for the Senate. Why? Well here’s her statement from an interview she did with talk show host Sean Hannity on Tuesday:
“I’ve considered it because people (2 most likely, and one is a moose) have requested me considering it.”
WHAT! “I’ve considered it because people have requested me considering it?”
Who the hell talks like that for cripes sake? (banging my head on my computer desk)
(thank you again God……it’s already happening…….a humor blog writer’s dream)
She went on to say, “I’m still waiting to see, you know, what the lineup will be and hoping that, there again, there will be some new blood, new energy – not just kind of picking from the same old politicians in the state.” (Alaska)
Um, perhaps do ya mean like the same old politician who was Governor of that state, (Alaska) and resigned her office? Hmmmm. I must be mistaken.
WAIT! She could run for the Senate, get elected, and THEN resign that office too when it gets to be either too much for her to handle or, if she got a better offer from Fox to do another show. Yeah, I bet that’s her plan.
Oh Gawd….I’m soooo excited I can’t contain my happiness. I think I may have actually peed my pants.
Think of it folks. More Sarah Palinisms. Like: (courtesy of the “Huffington Post)
On Nuclear Weaponry: “Nuclear weaponry, of course, would be the be-all, end-all, of just too many people in too many parts of our planet.”
Hmmm. Maybe she meant that if we did not use nuclear weaponry and just used like kinda smaller bombs we wouldn’t wipe out as many people. That way we wouldn’t wipe out EVERYBODY on the plant. Just a few here and there. Sounds logical to me.
On track: “Obviously we loved sports and the baby was born during the spring track season.” (From “Going Rogue”)
Beats me. I have no idea what the hell she meant by that. Unless, she meant they like to conceive during the track season. You know. All that running and chasing each other around the track and when one catches the other it’s boh-dee-oh-doe time.
“Todd…..Todd…..bet ya can’t catch me!”
“Um….Sarah baybee….you’re not even running.”
“Hee hee….I know…..I’m easy aren’t I.”
On an oil spill: “When the American people elected President Obama they gave him responsibilities to handle this disaster. He promised to heal the earth and watch the waters recede – or something far-fetched like that.”
Sarah…..Sarah…..that wasn’t Obama that said that…..it was Moses. And he dropped out of the Presidential race after a question was posed to him about how many commandments there was and he couldn’t remember…….which is when he then said, “Oops.”
On Evolution: “I didn’t believe the theory that human beings – thinking, loving beings – originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea. Or that human beings began as a single-celled organisms that developed into monkeys eventually swinging down from trees.”
I’m a bit confused here. We didn’t originate from fish? Cripes. My grandmother was wrong then when she told me that the only reason we had to eat fish on Friday’s, (we were Catholics) was because we originated from fish and the church said that to show our respect for fish, and our roots, that we had to eat fish on Fridays. Go figure.
As far as the monkey swinging from trees comment. I think Sarah was confusing Tarzan’s birth in the jungle when his mother swung down from a tree and gave birth. Almost the same as Sarah’s comparison to track season. HEY….ya gotta do what ya have to do to do whatever it takes to spawn children. A track or the jungle….what’s the difference?
And, finally, my favorite Palinism from the time that she was addressing a Tea Party crowd and responded to that incident where she had notes written on the palm of her hand: “I didn’t really had a good answer, as so often is me.”
Completely understandable, as I don’t “had” a good answer for lots of things that require answers as also is so often me too. I, on the other hand, flunked English in school, was never a Governor, and never ran for Vice President. Which means that “I,” unlike Ms. Palin, can say all of the stupid incorrect English stuff that I wanna and nobody is gonna give a rats ass.
Except for my old English teacher who always told me that if I didn’t learn the proper usage of the English language I’d never amount to anything.
Oh yeah Mrs. Crookshank!
Well guess what. If I does wanna run for Governor or the Senate, flunking English don’t mean a damn thing.
Because if my idol can make it to the Presidency, Professor Norman Crosby, than so can I.
Norm Crosby never made it to the Presidency.
Um…..but, he DID make it somewhere. Um….a spokesman for fish…um….”Red Lobster” I think. Which IS an accomplishment.
And….if you’re Rick Perry or Sarah Palin………I guess that’s all that counts.
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