I know you think I’m making this stuff up. yes, I’m really off the wall enough to actually make up stuff, but not in this instance. You, as humorist Dave Barry used to say, just can’t make this stuff up.
A woman in the Netherlands went to her doctor with an unusual complaint according to a news item posted in “LifeScience.com.”
Her complaint. “Doctor, doctor, every time I move my feet I have an orgasm!”
“Noooo problem Mrs. Ferkenstoffer. Just do not go dancing.”
That would have been my response had I been the doctor. Or, being the slug that I am, “Wanna come over to my house and do the limbo?”
It seems that the orgasmic sensations, which occurred in her left foot, were sudden, not brought on by sexual desire or thoughts (damn) and occurred about five or six times a day. Not good if you’re in a “PayLess” shoe store and trying on shoes with the help of a male assistant. My thought anyhow.
So, after visiting the doctor they conducted MRI scans on the woman’s brain and her foot showed no abnormalities.
Um….wait a second here. The problem was in her foot and they scanned her brain?
WTF is with that?
Hmmm. Maybe they just wanted to rule out the possibility that she was a freakin’ loony toon first.
“Nope….nothing wrong with this woman’s brain Igor. Quick, go out back to the “foot locker” and see if we have any spare feet. We might have to do a transplant.”
However, not wanting to do a foot transplant, the doctors treated her with an injection of anesthetic into one of her spinal nerves that receives sensory information from the foot and the orgasms stopped completely.
As did her compulsion to buy a new pair of latex shoes every day. Just to be on the “safe” side.
So far, after eight months, she has not had any foot orgasms. At least the foot kind,
So how did she come down with this foot orgasm problem in the first place? Well about a year and a half before the foot orgasms started she had spent three weeks in an intensive care unit, part of the time, in a coma, because of a sepsis infection. (infection by pathogenic micro-organisms)
Which most likely are little tiny pain in the ass organisms that have nothing better to do than infect your brain with stuff and are into feet fetishes big time)
You may recall the little old lady who lived in a shoe who also had a foot fetish problem as well. As long as we’re on the feet kick here, this is the true story of that old lady (below)
Now here’s an interesting point for those of you who are saying to yourselves, WTF! As I’m saying to myself right now. Like, how the hell does a foot get to the point of giving anyone an orgasm?
Well, it’s like this. The nerve that registers sensory information from the foot enters the spinal cord at the same level as the nerve that registers sensory information from the vagina. So, because of nerve damage in her foot, the woman’s brain did not receive sensory information from her foot, but it did receive sensory information from the vagina.
Because, as we all know, vagina’s are people too. (Mitt Romney)
So basically, in layman’s terms. It’s like driving down a road on a shopping trip heading to a Wal-Mart. You come across a detour, and wind up in a porno shop, buy a bunch of perverted stuff, and they explain to your spouse that your brain sensory functions were to blame. Sorry…….the best I could do there.
Doctors have named this problem, “FOS,” (foot orgasm syndrome) just in case you wanna get kinky with your other half and she calls you a damn pervert, at least you can fall back on this as being a medical condition that you have. Worth a shot.
There was other person who had this same affliction, which was the only other case of foot orgasms. However, it was a male who had a foot amputated. Most likely by his wife.
One of the doctors involved in this unusual case, Dr. Marcel D. Waldinger, (I’m not kidding here folks, that’s his real name…..snicker) says that there may be other people who have the condition but are too embarrassed to talk about it. He went on to say that he’d really would like to hear from more people who have a similar condition. I bet.
Which may explain why he is presently relocating his office to a nearby dance hall and disco club. Best place to keep an eye on feet hoping to observe a case of an actual foot orgasm. Or, possibly catching a glimpse of John Travolta reprising his disco feet move from the movie “Saturday Night Fever.” Both worth catching a glimpse of.
Or, as I mentioned earlier, relocating at a PayLess Shoe store. Better foot orgasm odds.
Hey, ya might as well have access to some clean pairs of shoes if you’re constantly having orgasms and have that doctor standing by so that he can explain your condition to the store clerks.
“Um….pay no attention to that woman over there writhing and screaming on the floor. She just found a really neat pair of red rhinestone pumps and went completely orgasmic over them.”
Got any wipeys?
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