I always feel great driving my 1999 out of date dinosaur 6 cylinder five on the floor stick shift Dodge Ram 1500. Until I read an article that listed some things in vehicles that are becoming obsolete. Besides me that is.
First of all let me state that I’m officially a dinosaur when it comes to today’s technology. Not that I don’t know how to use new technology, but I’m quite content using dinosaur technology. Even though I’m well aware that because dinosaurs did not themselves upgrade to new technology, they disappeared off of the face of the earth.
I look at it this way. If my ancient cell phone works, WTF do I need all those other features on it if I can say, “hello,” and “goodbye.”
Do I need to take pictures with my phone? Well, because my phone does have that option, I do use it on occasion. BUT…..do I need to scan stuff with my phone…..find stuff with my phone…..do my banking on my phone……or use my phone for a gazillion other things that I already have a bunch of other things that do the same thing without me getting billed by the phone company. NO!
It’s all a giant conspiracy to make us get rid of all the stuff we have that presently does exactly what a smart phone does. So….you dump your $800 Minolta camera. Get rid of your GPS system in your car. Dump your landline phone service. And trash all of your TV’s. Why? Because that’s some of the stuff a smart phone can or eventually will do.
Look, you think I’m kidding here? It IS a conspiracy to make us buy more stuff. Ya didn’t see Wikileaks or Edward Snowden expose that stuff did ya. Here’s how it works with this simple explanation taking just one….I said “ONE” product that they keep making us buy. Music.
Follow the evolution here to grasp this. 78 RPM records to 45 PPM records and reel to reel recorders to 8-tracks to cassettes, to compact discs to iPods to downloads to computers and smart phones and eventually directly to your freakin’ brain. See what I mean.
I think I’ve bought Elvis Presley’s and the Beatles greatest hits 10 times already in various modes.
AND….if you think you’re gonna say screw it, I’m not buying another new gizmo to play music on, they screw YOU. By not making that old stuff, (various electronics) so that you can continue to play YOUR old stuff on without having to buy their new stuff to play it on. Like my 200 videotape movies. Bastards.
So now those SOB’s finally figured out how to carry this consistent buying plot over into the automobile industry. By eliminating stuff you had in your car or truck because THEY say they’re obsolete.
Like the stick shift. Not much call for those today. Even though “I” have one and love the shifting rush I get going from gear to gear. I call it the “Napoleon” complex. Because I’m short, my truck is high off the road, and I get a feeling of power while shifting. Until I get outta my truck and realize that I’m only 5’4″ and my truck dwarfs me. Puleeeese…..don’t take away my stick shift Detroit!!!
Knobs. Yes knobs. (not the slang version of female boobs guys) Knobs like radio knobs and stuff. Believe it or not automobile manufacturers are bringing back knobs. Most likely because guys are addicted to knobs. Both kinds.
Actually Detroit feels knobs are much safer as you can “feel” them while changing a station on your radio along with doing other knob stuff. And we all know that feeling a knob brings great satisfaction, um….when your about to change a to another radio station on your car or truck radio.
Most vehicles usually come with ash trays for smokers. But with the government Gestapo saying smoking is gonna kill ya, (but ignoring strict drunk driving laws at the same time) have eliminated ashtrays in many of their vehicles. Pisses me off. Even if I don’t smoke, where the hell am I gonna put my pens, change and extra house keys?
Yes, I know, the glove box. But, in MY glove box are other things I need once in a blue moon. The ashtray is for stuff I need NOW. Besides, I’ve monkey rigged my glove box to serve as a refrigerator and store an emergency baloney sandwich in there jussssst in case.
Oh, by the way, as long as I was on that knob kick. Manual roll up window knobs are a thing of the past. Or soon will be. That one I won’t miss at all. Only because when that guy I flipped off on the highway follows me to a Wal-Mart and is heading towards me to punch me in the nose, knob roll up windows aren’t quite fast enough to avoid getting punched in the nose. Automatic door locks help as well.
Finally….keys. yes…Detroit is eliminating the use for vehicle keys. WTF! Now men especially will most likely break down and cry over this one. A lot of men like to walk around lopsided carrying a gazillion keys hanging off of their belts. It’s a man thing. We men have no idea why we need so many keys or what half of them are for, but it falls into the “macho” category.
So now Detroit wants to expand on the key concept by completely eliminating keys and maybe even “fobs” to the point that you will either have one single “fob” to unlock your vehicle door, start your car, open your trunk, pop the hood, and gag your spouse all at the press of a button. No keys involved. They are even working on having your smartphone do all that as well. So….if you don’t have a key addiction, but a “fob” addiction, you’re screwed too.
So ya see, it goes on and on. Get used to doing things one way and buy a lot of stuff to do it with, and they then eliminate all the stuff you bought in the first place. Just like with the music devices I mentioned earlier.
So whaddya do?
Fortunately you don’t have to decide. Nature decides for you, and I and all the rest of us.
It’s called “death,”
Yep, ya die, get reincarnated into another life, and “shazam” you start all over again buying stuff that eventually in your next lifetime will be outdated too.
As those famous philosophers “Sonny & Cher” one sang, ” “And The Beat Goes On.”
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