If you already don’t know, I’ll fill ya in. When Walt Disney died some years ago, legend has it that his instructions were that his head be saved by freezing it, (cryonics) and stored in a box somewhere.
Umn, technically that’s what they did, but the process is not called storing your head in a box with some ice. It’s called cryonics. And Disney’s family has disputed claims that his head was actually frozen and stored until future research can develop a way to transplant a human head back onto another body. Say like Mickey Mouse’s…….in Disney’s case.
The same story has been circulating for years that baseball legend Ted Williams is also frozen using the cryonics technology. Considering the cryonics method of transplanting a head onto another body hasn’t been quite perfected as of this moment in time, Williams most likely will not be unfrozen and replace A-Rod in the New York Yankees line up.
But….hark and forsooth! One neuroscientist, Dr. Elmo Frankenstein, …….um, WAIT! Sorry, got that wrong, that should read, “one neuroscientist, Dr. Sergio Canevero,” a member of the “Turin Advanced Neuromodulation Group,” located somewhere in lower Transylvania, (article did not say where the hell this scientist was actually located….most likely due to the tar and feather villager possibility) says that it soon may be possible to conduct a full human head transplant,.
Which is very good news for Donald Trump and Lindsay Lohan.
The good doctor pointed out that head transplants have been done in animals for the past 40 years. Which is news to me, and probably to the rest of us. Then again, who the hell knows what these scientists are doing behind closed doors….or labs. Only Edward Snowden and Wikileaks knows for sure.
But, there are some minor problems that need a bit of tweaking when it comes to transplanting heads. Such as the main issue confronting scientists with the animals they have experimented with so far. . Which is the inability to connect the spinal cord of the head to the donor’s body. Which is in most cases leaves the animal paralyzed from the neck down.
Not very good for a gazelle if it’s being chased by a cheetah.
Not to mention that most animals that may have had this procedure done, and wind up paralyzed from the neck down do not have access to Medicare or Medicaid to qualify for a mobile scooter from the “Scooter Store” or one of those really neat mobile wheelchairs. Unless, of course, that’s one of the new provisions in Obamacare.
But, as you know, most scientists do not give up. Dr. Canevero believes recent medical advancements regarding the connection of surgically severed spinal cords may lead to a successful procedure. Volunteers anyone?
In his paper, Dr. Canevero details a head transplant procedure similar to that of Robert White, a neurosurgeon famous for his head transplants in monkeys. In order for the process to work, both the donor and the recipient must be in the same operating room, and the donated head must be cooled to between 54.6 and 59 degrees Fahrenheit. So basically you need to have a cool head about yourself.
The surgeons must rapidly remove both heads at the exact same time. No screwing around taking coffee breaks and stuff. Because they then have to quickly transplant one head to the other recipients body and circulatory system within one hour.
One hour and 2 seconds too late and you lose your head, so to speak.
After all that connecting stuff, the donors heart can be restarted, (jumper cables) and the surgeons can continue to reconnect the head to the body’s spinal cord and other vital systems. Which I would imagine would include part of your vital system that reacts to Viagra and Cialis. Otherwise why bother having your head transplanted if ya can’t get a woody.
Now see if you understand this explanation from the doc:
“It is the clean-cut which is the key to spinal cord fusion, in that it allows proximally severed axons to be “fused” with their distal counterparts. This fusion exploits so-called fusogens/sealants, which, are able to immediately reconstitute (fuse/repair) cell membranes damaged by mechanical injury, independent fo any known endogenous sealing mechanism.”
Oh sure….I understand that completely. Thanks doc, I was kinda curious how all that worked.
So, somewhere scientists are working on transplanting heads. Which is really a great idea because, as they explain, this procedure could help those with spinal cord injuries in the future.
But this raises a lot of questions. besides the ethics surrounding this type of surgery.
Like if you’re gonna have your head transplanted, can you choose which body you want to have it transplanted to? And does the body donor have any say as to which head they want their body transplanted to? And once, if successful, who controls your body? Your head or your body. Obviously most people would say the head would control the body once transplanted, but, suppose that donor body was that of, say a long distance runner, and you were not into running. But your feet keep tellin’ ya to run like hell, while your head says, “What, are ya freakin nuts.”
Or, say a head was from a guy who was a steel worker used to climbing tall buildings, like skyscrapers, thousands of feet from the ground with absolutely no fear. BUT…the body was afraid of heights. Which means the head has no fear, but the legs part of the body starts to shake at 1,000 feet above ground. Not a good match.
So it remains to be seen how all this will play out. I’m sure it will take many more years to perfect, if ever, successful head transplants. Long after I’m gone off of the face of the earth.
Too bad for me.
I was thinking that if they had perfected it by now I’d have my head transplanted on to a woman’s body. How’s THAT for something different.
Only because I’m a damn pervert and tired of hearing,”not tonight dear.”
Brings self satisfaction to a new level don’t ya think.
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