First of all let me clarify that blog header. “I” wasn’t the one who originally made a boob out of myself. Not that I haven’t on prior occasions, but on this occasion I am completely innocent.
“iVillage.com” was the one that brought up the subject of boobs this week. IT WASN’T ME!
Although I do have to accept some of the blame for being sucked into writing about their article about boobs entitled, “10 Reasons Men Love Breasts.” And, we’re not talkin’ about chickens here.
WAIT! There’s only ten reasons? Go figure.
Soooo, as usual, being a part-time amateur boobologist, I read their article with interest, but, only because I really wanted to know the reason men love breasts. Again, excluding the chicken ones.
(I might add that iVillage listed some names for boobs that we men use such as, “sweater kittens,” “air bags,” “blouse bunnies,” at which point I added, just to set the record straight, “jugs,” “knockers,” “knobs,” “bazooms,” and “hooters.” That last one, “hooters,” only because I know there’s a restaurant chain called “Hooters,” and I personally want to thank them for allowing us men to gawk at boobs, (hooters) without feeling guilty while we’re ordering a hamburger and then are somewhat surprised when the waitress delivers that hamburger and we can’t remember ordering it)
First on the list of why we men love breasts is that, according to iVillage, is that they have a calming effect on us. “In a world of hard edges boobs are soft and welcoming and non threatening.”
YES! My thoughts exactly. When was the last time you were ever threatened by a boob? (excluding some doofus who threatened you after you took his parking space) So I agree with that conclusion. Boobs are indeed welcoming. Which is why I have a boob wind chime and boob door mat outside of my front door. The welcoming effect for visitors.
Next is that breasts are a symbol of fertility from an A cup to a Z cup because it defines femininity. Showing a woman’s ability to nurture and sustain life.
(they have “Z” cups? OMG!!!)
They go on to say in the article that “It’s for this reason we can find Pamela Anderson’s boobs alluring while we can be disgusted at Ned Beatty’s floppy man tits in the movie “Deliverance.”
This is true. I have at various times lusted over Pamela Anderson’s boobs but not over Ned Beatty’s. However, in defense of Ned Beatty, there were some guys in those back woods of Georgia that did find his boobs alluring. So, I guess it’s a matter of taste. Lacking any real good Georgia peaches in the woods of course.
Next on the list is that boobs are a key in arousing women. WAIT! Arousing women? I thought it was men we’re talkin’ about here? (checking iVillage story again)
Ohhhh. I get it. Duh. Women get aroused if you play with their boobs because, according to the article, boobs are connected to a woman’s libidinal zone. Yes….I know, some of you men are saying to yourselves, “what the hell is a libidinal zone?” AND….do I need a passport to get there?
Ok…a libidinal zone is, um, er…..well the closest I could come to defining that is: “Definition of EROGENOUS. 1: producing sexual excitement or libidinal gratification when stimulated : sexually sensitive . 2: of, relating to, or arousing sexual feelings”
Meaning, in layman’s terms, the zone that a man’s part A gets inserted into a woman’s part B during sex and the area surrounding part B on a woman. Hence the libidinal zone, which, as they stated, boobs are connected to. Via a bunch of wires and stuff and some on and off switches depending if you are allowed to actually enter the libidinal zone. You must have passed alphabet class in school (ABC’s) in order to successfully access these zones.
This next one is a no-brainer. “Men are stimulated visually.” Which basically means, show me a set of boobs and I’m stimulated. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Because, as we all know, rocket scientists associate rocket nose cones with boobs, (same pointy shape) therefore most rocket scientists are constantly simulated.
“Social Pressure” is yet another reason men love boobs. Why? Because iVillage says that Madison Avenue, (those ad people) constantly show us boobs in their ads. They’re EVERYWHERE!!! With the exception of most automobile commercials. The only knobs they want you to look at is on a car’s dashboard.
“Breasts have the allure of taboo.” Ya gotta love how this is explained thanks to comedian Jerry Seinfeld: “If women kept their heads covered instead of their boobs, we’d all be heading down to the corner store to pick up the latest copy of “Heads Illustrated.”
He DOES have a point there. Or two. (we ARE talkin’ about boobs here)
Finally, men pay attention and love women’s boobs because you women are to blame. Which is what I always tell my other half when she catches me staring at some other woman’s boobs. “Hey…it’s not MY fault….look at her….heaving throbbing boobs with huge cleavage and ya expect me NOT to stare?”
Meaning that women deliberately wear exposing cleavage boob stuff so that men will look at them. Again, which, after I recover from getting kneed in the crotch, feebly try to explain to my other half.
So there ya have it. A few of the reasons “iVillage” claims that men love boobs.
The soft heaving throbbing voluptuous cleavage types that is.
I can do without the other types…………..
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