Paula Deen Is In Hot Water. And….she wasn’t even using it to cook.

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Does this mean her goose is cooked?

Here it is the 21st century and some people still feel they need to use the “N” word when referring to African-Americans.

Now I myself have been called that word, “nuts,” too, but not being African-American, I just let it slide.

Um, wait a sec. Oops….got it wrong. Nuts is NOT the word celebrity chef Paula Deen used. It was that other “N” word.

Now Paula Deen, (65) (no relation to James Dean, Jimmy Dean, Dizzy Dean, Howard Dean and Man Mountain Dean, obviously because her name is spelled “Deen” and not “Dean”) made a stupid comment with regard to a “really Southern Plantation black wedding,” with black slaves and used the “N” word in those comments.

By the way, “Man Mountain Dean” (photo below) a wrestler eons ago never participated in any “really Southern Plantation weddings.” So, most likely he never even thought of using the “N” word. I don’t think he ever did any celebrity cooking shows either. Although there’s a folk-lore story going around that he once attempted to capture forest celebrity “Smokey The Bear” and have a giant cook out. I can’t confirm that however.

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Mountain Man Dean

Yesterday things got worse for Paula. Her refrigerator quits and all that food inside spoiled. Not really, but I bet she wished that was the extent of her problems as the “Food Network,” has cancelled her contract. Along with her free membership in the spice of the month club.

When asked about her use of the “N” word she passed it off as a joke. Her comments: “Yes, of course, it’s just what they are….they’re jokes….most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…I can’t determine what offends another person.”

In a deposition in an employment discrimination suit that contained those comments she also said that she had fantasized about having an “all-black staff to recreate a really Southern Plantation wedding.”

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Just brings sentimental tears to Paula Deen’s eyes.

Which I don’t actually get. Why would anybody wanna have a wedding out there on a hot steamy plantation. Ever see people picking cotton out there in the hot sun with all kinds of bugs, flys, and insects all over the place. Cripes, how can ya have a decent wedding while swatting bugs all over the place.

Not only that, but, you know the old saying, “when them cotton balls get rotten you can’t pick very much cotton,” so most plantation weddings really have to be fast, otherwise you risk the chance of them cotton balls getting rotten. Which, would obviously piss off the owner of the cotton plantation and possibly make HIM say things that might be offensive.

Like, “Hey you motherf*****s. My cotton balls are gettin’ rotten and if you don’t hurry up and say “I do,” I ain’t gonna be able to pick any cotton worth a rats ass.”

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Yeah, so don’t screw with me or I’ll stick this in yer ear

Then, for Paula’s information, there’s the boll weevil problem. I find it very hard to believe that Paula could even wish to have a really Southern Plantation wedding knowing full well that boll weevils have been known to crash Southern Plantation weddings. Why do ya think they call them “Boll” weevils. Because when they start serving great Southern Plantation soup in “bowls” it’s hard for any “boll” weevil to resist.

http://youtu.be/kVwjYptcnAY

So Paula should just have given up on that idea if ya ask me. But, toooooo late. Open mouth, insert bowl.

On Thursday, her lawyers released the first statement blaming Deen’s use of the “N” word on history. “Ms. Deen recounted having used a racial epithet in the past, speaking largely about a time in American history which was quite different than today.”

And we all know how things were different during the old American History days when it was ok to say anything.

Such as when General George Custer saw that he was extremely outnumbered at the “Battle of Little Big Horn” and said to his aide, “Holy cow, look at all them f**king Indians.” Which, if he had any knowledge of political correctness, as well as taking into consideration that it may have been construed as a racial slur, should have said, “Holy cow, look at all them f**king Native Americans.”

Lest Paula Deen be caught saying, “Holy cow, I sure fantasize about having a really good old Indian cookout at Little Big Horn.”

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I have no idea who that idiot over there is Sgt. but if he wants dessert tell him he has to wait till we go out and buy some from those Indians at the Little Big Horn custard shop.

Ya just have to be sensitive to people’s feelings in this day and age. Even though Paula said, “They’re jokes…..most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks and black folks.”

Which is why I never tell any jokes about Jewish people, rednecks, black people, Irish people, Polish people, the rock and roll group, “People,” along with “The Village People,” the song “People” along with “People’s Bank,” and “Mario Van Peebles.”

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Damn! Nobody told me it was costume day.

Because, as a famous philosopher, (Barbra Streisand) once said, “People….people needing people, are the most sensitive people and would never use a racial slur in the world.”  Very big hit song.

However, that said, which I just did, um, I think it’s ok to tell Italian jokes. Only because I am Italian, so I get a special dispensation from the Pope to tell all the Italian jokes I want to. As long as they’re not about the Pope. Or Southern Plantations and cooking. Possibly boll weevils too. Not sure.

So, I’ll end this blog today with one of my favorite Italian jokes. Which Paula Deen should have gone with.

A Misunderstanding

A bus stops and two Italians, Guido and Luigi, get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma comea first. Dena I come. Den two asses comea together.  I comea once-a- more.

Den two asses, they comea together again.

I comea again and pee twice.

Den I comea one lasta time..”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public.”

“Hey, coola downa lady,” said Guido.

“Who talkin’ about a sexa? I’ma justa tellin’ my friend Luigi how to spella Mississippi.”

Um….oops…..damn!

It’s the Pope calling and he’s visiting Mississippi…………………………

Rats!

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Copyright 2013 Misfit Wisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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