George Zimmer, the voice and head honcho at “Men’s Wearhouse” was canned by the board of directors on Wednesday. Most likely because he never learned how to spell the word “Warehouse” and it was embarrassing for the company.
Actually, no reason was given for his termination other than a hint they might wanna find someone who appeals to the younger crowd. Because, as we all know, older people do not buy clothing. And, considering Zimmer is freakin’ old, (65) and is still wearing leisure suits and Nehru jackets, when he says that line in those Men’s Wearhouse commercials that “You’re gonna like the way you look….I guarantee it,” perhaps his guarantees ran out.
(UPDATE: 6/25/13) Men’s Wearhouse has finally explained why it fired executive chairman George Zimmer last week, depicting the founder as power-hungry in his desire to sell the company to private investors.
“Mr. Zimmer reversed his long-standing position against taking the company private by arguing for a sale of the Men’s Wearhouse to an investment group,” the company’s board of directors wrote Tuesday in a statement it made public.
You know how it is. You buy something with a guarantee, nothing goes wrong for the duration of the guarantee, and ONE day after the guarantee expires, SHAZAM!……it stops working, or, in the case of Men’s Wearhouse suits, moths eat it.
So, Zimmer is out of a job. And probably out of some really neat suits that he was guaranteed as head of the company. I guarantee that.
So what implications does all this have?
Obviously it means, considering Zimmer has been head of the company since 1985, that all spokesmen and CEO’s of company’s are in danger of getting the ol hook. All in the name of attracting younger buyers.
So, this led me to think, which is usually an effort, just who else in the same position as Zimmer may have their jobs in jeopardy. My first thought was Colonel Sanders of “Kentucky Fried Chicken,” but, he’s no longer with us. Lucky for him. I’m sure he, like some of his chickens, would have gotten the axe sooner or later.
But, there are others I fear may be next. Here’s a list of a few spokespeople who may soon find themselves in the unemployment line.
First on the list is Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth. Yeah sure, I know, they’ve been around for years pushing those fattening pancakes and stuff. Not good for the younger generation on diets and into fitness routines. Let’s get with it CEOs. Fire them old broads and get with the program. Somebody a lot younger is needed. I suggest Serena Williams should replace Aunt Jemima because she’s really hot looking, is in great shape, and has the balls to entice anyone to eat pancakes and buy pancake syrup.
As for Mrs. Butterworth. She’ll be competing with Serena, so just to make it a fair competition I suggest Serena’s sister Venus as Mrs. Butterworth’s replacement. Only because she has just as many balls as Serena to take her on.
Next on my list is Ernie Keebler that leprechaun spokesman for “Keebler Cookies.” Come on folks. Really! A short little leprechaun that lives in a tree crawling with all kinds of bugs is pitching us cookies that we’re supposed to believe are sanitary! Would YOU eat any cookies if ya found them in a tree? I say sack the short guy and go with someone who at least can project trustworthy sanitary cookie manufacturing conditions. Say like Madonna.
Hey….Madonna may not be your first choice for pushing sanitary conditions, but with a name like “Madonna” you know she’d never dare lie to you about how sanitary Keebler cookies are. Would YOU question ANYONE named Madonna? Sacrilegious if ya ask me.
Then there’s “Chiquita Banana.” First of all Chiquita has got to be as old as dirt. And, keeping that in mind, just how long do ya think a banana lasts before it begins to turn. Two days tops. Then bring on the fruit flies. Today’s generation needs a banana spokesman that can make ya forget the short shelf life of a banana. Make you want to go out and buy several dozen bananas.
There’s only one person for that job.
That would be Fifi La Chartreuse, (photo below) that will not only entice you to buy tons of bananas, but also share some tips with you on how to enjoy them in other novel ways. Peanut butter an option.
The Republican and Democratic partys also need to give the deep six to those stupid elephant and donkey symbols. WTF! What the hell do two silly looking animals have to do with political partys anyhow? Get real politicians. Most Americans today think you’re all a bunch of do nothing ass wipes anyhow, so why not make a few bucks promoting your political affiliation by promoting “Preparation H Wipes” while you’re at it. Red wipes for Republicans and blue ones for Democrats.
Alfred E. Neuman has been the mascot of “Mad Magazine” since I was a mere child eons ago. His famous saying, “What…Me Worry.” It’s time Alfred retired. Now I personally think I’d be the perfect candidate to replace him. Only because of my blog header, “DILLIGARA,” which is more up to date than Alfred’s. Besides, all those years of Alfred not worrying may have taken a toll on him as he appears to be on some serious tranquilizers from not worrying, then realizing he really should have been worrying.
Mad Magazine…..give me a call.
Of course I could go on and on with a long list of spokesmen for products whose time has come to exit for one reason or another. Age, believability, honesty, and truth in advertising.
But, you get the point. Perhaps Zimmer had to go. We’ll see if the new spokesman for Gentlemen’s Wearhouse will appeal to the younger generation, or if it backfires on them.
But, one more final candidate on my list that definitely needs to go South.
Duke the spokesdog for “Bush’s Beans.” Yes, I know animal and dog lovers, why pick on the dog? Why! Because he’s a freakin’ dog for one, and for two, he’s a blabbermouth and will eventually sell off the secret to making Bush’s Beans. Not only that, but how believable is it that a dog eats beans?
So, my tip for Mr. Bush, (not Dubya) is to get a new pet that obviously everyone will believe eats beans and can pitch the product. My suggestion. Wilber. Yes, Wilber the pig from “Charlotte’s Web” fame. Pigs eat anything and everything so it would be completely believable that Wilber could sell Bush’s Beans.
Besides, everybody knows ham and beans go great together.
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