Mobster Says, “Hey! I’m Really A Nice Guy Ya Know.”


James Bulger’s  “Winter Hill Gang,” (Not to be confused with “Spanky and Our Gang,” from another part of Boston.)

By now you’ve all heard about the trial of famous mobster and senior citizen Whitey Bulger, leader of the notorious “Winter Hill Gang” that’s going on in a Boston courtroom as we speak…or as I write. And, if you all love movies like the “Godfather,” and “Goodfellas,” you’re just gonna love all the stuff that comes out in this trial.


Because all seniors look-alike in California. Florida too. Which may account for that long search for Whitey.

Considering one movie has also been based on Whitey’s escapades, “The Departed,” I’d be willing to bet ya that after this is all said and done, there will be yet another movie in the making. Perhaps entitled, “Much More Departed,” as we might learn of “more departed” people who have been “departed” for some time thanks to Whitey and his “departed” line of work.

But I found it interesting that a former enforcer of Bulger’s, John Martorano, who admitted to killing 20 people while a member of Whitey’s gang and is now testifying against Bulger, said that he’s really a “nice guy” and was only trying to help out his family and friends when he pumped bullets into victims.


An actual greeter at a Wal-Mart who could possibly pass as a Mafia hit man.


Mafia hit man John Martorano, who’s really a nice guy and looks nothing like the guy above. John could possibly pass for a greeter at a Wal-Mart.


WHAT! Did he like take them out to dinner, give them a few expensive cigars, talk about old times, and then say to them……….

“Hey Guido, I’m really a nice guy and ya know I kinda like youse but I gotta shoot the livin’ crap outta you, but, um, don’t take it personal, cause, as I said, I like you, and because I’m really a nice guy, I’m gonna just shoot you with one bullet rather than the usual method of shooting you with all 12 rounds I have here in my gun….and only because I like you and, as I said, because I’m a nice guy.”


Lenny suddenly realized he may be sleeping with the fishes

Yep, John is kinda upset that he’s being portrayed as a bad guy for killing those 20 people. After all, he said that he only killed people who threatened his family, or if they threatened to tell authorities about the gang’s illegal activities. Cripes, doesn’t EVERYBODY do that when someone threatens their family? So what’s the big deal?mafia 4

He’s also quite upset that he’s being portrayed as a serial killer. I can’t say that I blame him on that particular point.

John says that “serial murderers kill for fun. They like it.” You know, like going out on the town at night and having nothing to do, so they just knock off a few people. On the other hand, he said, “I don’t like it. I never did.”

Which is understandable. Nobody likes serial killers because, as children, we all grew up eating various kinds of cereals and to envision someone knocking off “Tony the Tiger” or “Snap, Crackle and Pop” just for the fun of it is kinda repulsive.

I did read about one of those incidents many years ago as a child and it just scared the bejesus outta me. The headline read, ” Man found dead in bathtub covered in milk with Frosted Flakes spread all over his body. Police think it was a cereal killing.”


Also the same method used by the Alaskan Mafia

Now Martorano stated that he was really hurt, (my word) after learning about Bulger and Stephen “The Rifleman” Flemmi had been working as FBI informants. (Flemmi did NOT star in the TV series the “Rifleman”)

“Yeah, I wuz really upset when I learnt dat those two guys were rats for da FBI. Which is why I’m gonna turn informant too for the FBI and rat on dem guys. I just don’t wanna be left out…ya know….rats of a feather stick together.”

So let me see if I understand this correctly. Martorano was upset because Whitey and Flemmi had been working as FBI informants, but, NOW he’s a FBI informant. Soooo, what other mobster still out there in hiding is now gonna get all upset because he finds out EVERYBODY was probably an informant and rat out on the other informants.

Kinda confusing.


And besides that, we only paid them gangsters minimum wage for cripes sake!

During his entire testimony on the witness stand Martorano kept insisting that he was a “nice guy.” Apparently because he doesn’t want people reading about his testimony to think that he’s a bad guy and all. You know, like how some people would get the impression that knocking off 20 people makes you some sort of bad guy.

So, pressing the fact that he wasn’t really a bad guy, but a nice guy, because, as I stated earlier he said, “I only knocked off people who hurt or threatened my family,” then I guess we should cut him some slack here. And besides that, he said that he always tried to help people he was close to, either by giving them money or in other ways.

“Hey Louie…..I’ma gonna help youse cause I think youse is a really nicea guy.”

“Geez John, dats really nica of youse. I thought because I told Sammy da “Snake” Frappanzolli dat youse was doin’ his goilfriend dat youse was gonna be upset wid me.”

“Nah, no bigga deal Louie. She turned out to be as cold as da fishes swimmin’ in Boston Harbah so I dumped her ass.”

“Oh, good for youse John. I woulda done da same thing. Sorry I ratted on ya.”

“Noooo problem Louie. So, because youse saved me from makin’ a bad decision by possibly marryin’ dat skank, ahm gonna do ya a favor.”

“Oh yeah! Geez, tanks John. Whatcha gonna do for me?”

“Well Louie, da good news is dat ahm gonna finally make youse a “made man” justa like Joe Pesci in dat movie “Casino” where he played Nicki Santoro.”

“Hey, neat, Um……wait a second John. Um, didn’t they pop Joe Pesci ina da back of da head wid a freakin’ baseball bat for being a stupid ratfink in dat movie?”

“Yeah, yer right Louie. But because I really like you we’re not gonna pop youse in da back of the head. Dats da good news.”

“Geesh, tanks John…..I was worried dere for a second. Sooooo, wat’s da bad news?”

“Not to worry Louie. Youse is gonna sleep wid Sammy da Snake’s girlfriend in Boston Harbah, which I might add, is rather nice this time of the year…heh heh heh.”


Ok…Ok….but please don’t whack me with that baseball bat. It’s a Ted Williams collectible.

So, all in all it’s rather comforting to know that a lot of Mafia hit men are really not bad guys at all. Some of them really nice guys, such as John Martorano, who for one was NOT a cereal killer….um…..sorry, “serial” killer, leant money to his family and friends, and did a lot of nice things……which is why, after killing 20 people and making a deal with the FBI, only served 12 years in prison after cutting a deal with prosecutors to testify against Bulger.


Social Media hit men catch up with the times and join Twitter

“Soooo Mr. Martorano, how many years did they give ya for knockin’ off 20 people?”

“Ah, it was a walk in the park. I only got 12 years in the slammer. How bout youse. What’d ya do and how long ya in for?”

“Cripes. I got caught smokin’ weed and they gave me 50 years hard labor.”

So ya see. Crime does pay. If…….you’re a really nice guy.

Just sayin.’

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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2 Responses to Mobster Says, “Hey! I’m Really A Nice Guy Ya Know.”

  1. swedenole13 says:

    Laughing Out Loud! Too funny. You sure got the accent right there!

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