OK all you damn government paranoia freaks who think the government is spying on all of us. Um….you may be right. But, I for one, as I’ve said before, don’t give a rats ass if they spy on me. Because my life is so freakin’ boring they’d all fall asleep watching whatever I do. Which is usually nothing.
BUT…..while you’re worrying about the government spying on you, how about “Domino’s Pizza!!!” Yes….Domino”s Pizza for cripes sake. Oh sure, you’re saying to yourselves. What, are you freakin’ nuts? Domino’s Pizza spying on citizens. HAH!
But…it’s true I tell ya….true!
I got this story buried on page 1,456 of “CNN Money” in verrrrry small print. So that most of us would not notice it. Even “Wikileaks” and that guy hiding in China, Edward Snowden didn’t even reveal this startling news story. WTF!
So here it is. Domino’s Pizza is going to use drones to deliver pizzas. YES! Drones, as in drones the government uses to knock the bejesus outta terrorists and occasionally peep into bedroom windows when there’s no terrorists to find.
Think I’m kidding. Well all of you Doubting Thomases, and Dicks and Harrys, here’s an actual exclusive photo, (which I copied from CNNMoney) for all of you to fret over:
SEE! Now go ahead and laugh at me for reporting this. I may be saving all of your lives from being attacked by a pepperoni pizza when you least expect it. Maybe even a hot sausage and pepper grinder. You can thank me later.
CNNMoney says that perhaps this may be just a publicity stunt as this photo was taken in the United Kingdom. And we all know how those Brits like to put one over on us Yanks. But…..how do we really know what the hell is going on?
Consider this. A spokesman for the Michigan based pizza company confirmed that the concept is, “the brainchild of our independent master franchise company in the UK.”
Yeah! So there! And, the digital media company “T and Biscuits,” (really lame name for a company) partnered with drone firm “Aerosight” to bring the idea to life.
I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a plot to invade America under the guise of ordering a pizza. Pay attention here!
But there’s more if you’re still doubting all this drone stuff.
A similar idea called the “TacoCopter,” an app that would dispatch a drone to deliver a taco to your door went viral last year. However, that was deemed illegal under “U. S. Federal Aviation Administration” rules which ban tacos from flying in restricted air space.
Um…wait….that should read, “which ban unmanned aircraft like drones from being used for “commercial purposes.” Meaning, that it’s ok if you wanna use a drone to hunt down and kill terrorists as long as you’re not getting paid for it, hence the “commercial purposes.”
However, if you wanna use a drone to simply deliver a pizza or a taco to a terrorist, are not getting paid to deliver it, and are just doing it out of the kindness of your heart, because you feel sorry for terrorists out there in the desert having no access to pizzas and tacos, then….that’s perfectly legal.
If I’m reading the FAA rules about commercial drone flying correctly that is.
Presently Domino’s spokesman Tim McIntyre says that, “this has nothing to do with us here in the U.S. and we have no plans to pursue this idea.” Yeah, like I’m gonna believe any spokesman for any company……like a spokesman for the government. Ya can’t trust those SOB’s.
A Domino’s press release from the UK talked about how this drone, called the “DomiCopter” could fit the bill for innovative ways to deliver pizza. AND…he admitted they have a, (gasp) “Domino’s Flight Academy” rumored to be in the pipeline should the DomiCopter delivery service take off.
Hmmm. Wonder what their uniforms would look like. Maybe a Domino’s patch consisting of a pizza with pepperoni sewed on their sleeves and some shredded cheese on their shoulders which would depict the rank of the drone Captain or something.
Obviously the “Domino’s” domino logo would have to go south. Perhaps replacing it with a flying pizza, or grinder.
“OK Fergenbush, straighten up there. Look sharp. You’re in the “Domino’s Flight Academy” now. Not back home in some other cheesy pizza place ya know!”
So all of this is pretty scary. I mean, just how does a Domino’s drone knock on your door when delivering a pizza? Does it just hover over your front lawn, make a few beeping sounds, and drop it? Does it land on your roof and you have to climb up there to fetch it? Will it still be a hot pizza considering those rotor blades are whirring around which tends to have a cooling effect on pizzas? AND…if by chance it crashes, does the “Federal Aviation Administration” have to be called in to investigate.
And, if they do, does that mean your pizza then becomes evidence and you don’t get it?
“Sir, this is a pretty messy scene here. I’m not sure you really wanna see this.
“Whaddya talkin’ about inspector Frebus?”
“Sir, it’s really gory. Pizza parts all over the place, sauce on everything, and it’s sooooo bad we can’t even identify the pepperoni from the sausage.”
“Ugh….I think I’m gonna barf.”
Sounds kinda like a risky deal if ya ask me. I don’t give a damn about the copter drone crashing, but I sure as hell want my freakin’ pizza if it does.
HEY! If I ordered a pizza from Domino’s and they put it on my debit or credit card, again…..I want my f**king pizza!
The only option I see here folks, just in case it crashes, is to run like hell, grab your pizza, and when the FAA investigators arrive just tell them a bunch of mad dogs ran off with it.
THEN…..you can relax in your kitchen munching on a really good pizza while watching all the activity just outside your door.
If it actually WAS a Domino’s Pizza Delivery drone and not a government drone that is.
In that case, if it WAS a government drone and you scarfed up some of its parts to sell on eBay…….forget it….or your gonna get screwed because the government will prosecute your ass, send you to a Federal prison and you’ll never see another pizza again in your lifetime.
Unless Domino’s cuts a deal with the government to use their drones to deliver their pizzas to Federal prisons when the government isn’t using them to hunt down terrorists.
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