The State of Colorado, well at least “part” of the state of Colorado wants to secede from itself and form a new state according to a story this past week in the “Christian Science Monitor.”
Is it me, or are Christians monitoring waaaaay too much stuff that has nothing to do with science?
Oh well, I guess somebody has to monitor various loony toons so it might as well be the Christian Science Monitor. Saves the rest of us from having to worry about them……the loony toons that is. The rest of you can worry about what the heck they’re doing over there at the Christian Science Monitor. Weird science experiments probably for all we know.
So, Christians and Science and Monitoring aside, we’ll concentrate on this latest secession idea to come out of Colorado.
John Denver where the hell are ya when we need ya? (Rock & Roll Heaven I think)
With all this secession talk, now we can all finally understand what Denver was singing about in “Rocky Mountain High.” Because obviously those people in Colorado who want to secede and form their own state are definitely high on some really good Rocky Mountain high stuff.
So the plan by some residents of Colorado is to secede from Colorado and form another state which would possibly be called North Colorado, which is turn would mean that the rest of Colorado would be South Colorado, or, perhaps East or West Colorado. One can’t be too sure considering dividing lines haven’t been drawn out at this point.
Now most of us may think this is a stupid idea. BUT, it has actually happened. According to the “National Constitution Center,” which is an organization based in Philadelphia, this process, “has been used successfully to create five states.”
Contrary to popular opinion, paranoia is not one of them.
Those states are, Vermont which seceded from New York in 1791. Most likely because most people in Vermont were Boston Red Sox fans rather than New York Yankee fans so it made more sense to create their own state, become a part of New England, and also start up a lucrative maple syrup business. After all, who in their right mind is gonna buy New York Maple Syrup. It’s just un-American.
Then there was Kentucky from Virginia back in 1792 because Kentucky hated the fact that Virginia’s state name began with the letter “V” and they’d be almost next to last in line for any handouts that go by the alphabet. “K” isn’t too bad, but “V” was out of the question.
Tennessee seceded from North Carolina in 1796 because songwriters Jack Blanchard and Misty Morgan came up with an idea for a song called, “The Tennessee Birdwalk,” but it didn’t make much sense to some of the residents of North Carolina who wanted him to change the song’s name to “North Carolina Birdwalk,” at which point the songwriter protested saying that it just wouldn’t sound the same, so in defiance, they seceded and the song became a huge hit.
Maine seceded from Massachusetts in 1820 simply due to the fact that most of the people in Massachusetts talked funny. Some weird accent that the people living way up in the Northern part of Massachusetts couldn’t understand. Like instead of saying, “soda,” they would say, “tonic.” So that’s why most of the Northern part of Massachusetts seceded and became Maine. They also formed their own language which, to this day, nobody, including people next door in Massachusetts freakin’ understands.
And the last state to secede was West Virginia from Virginia in 1863. Nobody really knows the reason why except that it seemed like a good idea at the time. People from West Virginia to this day can be talked into doing anything.
So basically it can be done. So we may have a 51st state if some people in Colorado manage to gain a lot of support for this idea of forming a new state within a state which might lead to yet another state……..of confusion.
Depending on what part of this state of Colorado would comprise the new state of the new state of Colorado, would John Denver’s song, (Rocky Mountain High) be then in jeopardy of being changed depending on the terrain of the new part of Colorado which, may or may not be, high or rocky?
AND….would the song have to be renamed, “South, North, East, or West as the lyrics now state, “Rocky Mountain High….Colorado.” So like, “Rocky Mountain High South Colorado……” Or, if the line drawn to form a new state encompassed part of the mountains would the song have to be changed to go something like, “Partial Rocky Mountain High……East Colorado.”
Geez. You Coloradans, or whatever you call yourselves, better think this secession thing through verrrrry carefully. If it fails you’re gonna look very stupid and it’ll be all your fault.
Now this secession idea originated in one county, which was “Weld County.” Where they do a lot of welding. Which obviously makes sense considering if they DO secede, a lot of welding would take place forming a new state. However, other counties are jumping aboard the secession bandwagon too.
Such as “Morgan.” (which has a song too, “Morgan” as sung by Ivo Robic, actually spelled, “Morgen” but the people of Morgan were very bad at spelling)
“Logan.” ( Named after journalist Laura Logan)
“Sedgwick.” (Which we all know is named after “The Closer” TV star Kyra Sedgwick)
“Phillips.” (named after Phillips Milk of Magnesia)
“Washington.” (after George) No one tells any lies in that town.
“Yuma.” (named after playwright Eugene O’Neill’s daughter Oona, but they spelled her name wrong and when they discovered the misspelling said, “Screw it, we’re stuck with it now”)
And finally “Kit Carson.” (Johnny Carson’s brother)
So it remains to be seen just how far this idea of forming their own state out of another state within a present state will turn out without it all turning into a state of confusion.
WHICH…. when ya think about it, might not be such a bad name for a state. Like, “State of Confusion.” Cept there’s really no great song like “Rocky Mountain High” to help promote tourism.
WAIT!!!!! I’ve got it!!
How about naming that new state “Ball of Confusion!” Great Googa Googa!!!!! Think about it Coloradans. Your own song that’s far better, and much more upbeat than “Rocky Mountain High.” “Ball of Confusion.”
AND….on top of that, it’s already a song by the “Temptations,” and a really great song to get people moving………..to whatever part of Colorado you manage to get in the secession deal.
AND….EVERYBODY just loves “Motown” music.
YES! “Ball of Confusion,” Colorado. Brilliant!
Eat your heart out John Denver.
Wherever you are in “Rock & Roll Heaven.”
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