I suspect that Albert Einstein is alive and well and living in Oxon Hill, Maryland where the recent 2013 “Scripps National Spelling Bee” took place this past week. I base this on the fact that nobody in their right mind, with the exception of Einstein and a few brainiac kids who were in that spelling bee, knew WTF any of the words meant.
“OK Johnny, spell “WTF.”
“Um….WTF does WTF mean sir?”
For instance.. Do any of you know WTF “Knaidel” means? Never mind having to spell it. It sounds like a Jewish knish if ya ask me. (If you have no idea what a Jewish knish is, find a Jewish person and ask them)
Knaidel is a small mass of leavened dough cooked by boiling or steaming. Which, actually IS Yiddish. So, why don’t they just call it a freakin’ knish? Beats me.
Here’s another one from the spelling bee. “Cyanophycean.” Which is a blue-green alga. And I would obviously use this word in what conversation?
“Yeah Godfadder. We took care of Louie the ratfink and he’s buried amongst the cyanophycean in da East River.”
“Guido! Speaka da English. Youse tryin’ to say dat Louie is sleepin’ wid da seaweed?”
“Good. But if youse keep usin’ dem big woids youse is gonna be sleeping wid some Kaburi.”
“Yeah, I watched that stoopid spelling bee too Guido and learnt that kaburi is a land crab found in mangrove swamps and dats where you’re gonna wind up if you don’t start talkin’ our lingo.”
Then there’s “melocoton.” (Note to Rush Limbaugh. This is NOT similar to oxycoton so don’t get all excited) It’s a peach grafted on a quince root stalk.
Now I looked up why anybody would want to graft a peach on to a quince root stalk and fell asleep reading the explanation. So, take my advice. Just forget this word and what it means unless you’re married to a farmer who grafts peaches on quince root stalks.
How about, “doryline.” Which is a type of migratory tropical ant that is blind.
Now besides the fact that I personally could give a rats ass about spelling that word because in my lifetime I think my chances of coming across a blind migratory ant are pretty much nil, I’m wondering what idiot spent his lifetime thinking up that word on top of making appointments for a bunch of ants in an eye clinic to find out if they can see or if they’re blind. Which raises the burning question……………………WHY DO I NEED TO KNOW IF FREAKIN’ ANTS ARE BLIND OR NOT!!!
And ya wonder why I personally never compete in a spelling bee.
Here’s my favorite from the spelling bee. “Smellfungus.” Yes, I know what you’re all thinking. That this word has something to do with people having smelly feet. Well, you’d be wrong. Although I think it should be used when referring to people with smelly feet. It actually means a critic or faultfinder.
So, when you’re in a conversation discussing politics with someone, say like Republicans who find fault with EVERYTHING, you can stop them midstream and say to them, “Hey, you guys are nothing but a bunch of smellfunguses.
Another simple word for you to retain in your memory bank of words to impress people with, “malacophilous.” Which means pollination by snails. Anyone who is familiar with how snails pollinate obviously knew what that meant. Usually people who have no life beyond watching what the hell snails do.
Shall I continue? Of course.
“Bilboquet.” Which I immediately would have guessed was a distant relative of “Bilbo Baggins” from the “Hobbit.” Or, Bilbo Baggins carrying a bouquet of flowers for Mrs. Baggins which would then be called a “bilboquet.” Damn, am I knowledgeable or what!
But, alas, I was mistaken. A “biloquet” is a device having a cup or spike at the top of a stick to which is attached a ball on a string. For what…..I haven’t a freakin’ clue.
But, it DOES remind me of a painful joke which I shall insert at this point in time. Only because of the thought of balls and spikes….which to any male, may sound kinda painful if that’s what this device is used for. To inflict pain on a male.
So this guys ex-wife wanted to kill him. But he was too smart to fall for any of her tricks. Always on the alert, he took many precautions to avoid being done in by his ex.
One morning he awoke in bed to find a huge boulder sitting on his chest. Thinking to himself, “Hah, that bitch thinks this huge boulder was gonna crush me to death while I slept….I’ll show her.”
So, spotting the open window next to his bed, he took a deep breath and painstakingly lifted the huge boulder off of his chest and flung it out the window with a sigh of relief that he had once again foiled her plans to do him in.
As he lay there relaxed he happened to notice a string moving quite rapidly from the bed to the window that he had tossed the boulder out of.
Then he spotted a note attached to his pillow which read: “Dear Harry, you have ten seconds to untie the string that’s attached to your balls.”
And our final word, which I’m sure none of those kids had any idea what it meant, is “cabotinage.” NOT images of the late actor Sebastian Cabot. The word means behavior befitting a second-rate actor. Hmmmm. I WAS kinda close on that one but Sebastian Cabot was no second-rate actor.
Now ya see, I would have given the kids a break on that last one and simply asked them to spell the word, “ham.” Or just ask any kid to use the word “cabotinage” in a sentence.
Like, “I think all of the actors in the reality show, “Honey Freakin’ Boo Boo” are cabotinagers.” AND….I’m being a bit kind here by only labeling them “second-rate actors.”
My apologies to any real actors who may be first-rate.
So there ya have it. Some of the notable words from the National Spelling Bee.
I hope today’s blog really touched your “oleacranon.”
Feel free to go out into the world today and impress all of your friends with all of these words that you’ve learned today.
For reference purposes, after you’ve totally impressed them, remember that they too might be spelling adept as well. Which most likely will be evidenced by their spelling out a word for you as they get up and leave…….which is…..
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