I decided to take Memorial Day off today and venture off to my friend Bob’s, (Doc) abode for some conversation, hamburgers, and our usual banter back and forth about politics. He’s my best friend, next to my cat Spencer, but we disagree on everything. Bob, not Spencer. The only reason we haven’t killed each other is due to the fact that neither one of us have any other friends.
So, being the lazy slug I chose to be today, I went back and dredged up a blog from pre-“WordPress” days from another site that really sucked. Which is why I’m on “WordPress” today and not on that other site.
Have a relaxing holiday and remember to thank a Veteran for their service today.
Today’s reprise blog is from January 12, 2010 and entitled: “Intellectual Advancement At The Doctors Office”………………..
I accompanied my other half to the doctor’s office this morning, something I normally do whenever she has an appointment, which is usually 25 times a month. Well, it seems that way to me. There are just so many body parts that need attention when you’re a certain age. (fear of retaliation leaves me no choice in opting to omit her actual age) Simply put, she DOES remember hula hoops and gasoline at 17 cents a gallon. OMG!!!!!
Anyhow, as usual, I plop myself into one of the 30 chairs in the waiting room, (kinda like the 30 cash registers at Walmart with only three open) and wonder why there are so many chairs.
My next move is to find a good magazine to read while I sit and wait. Scanning the magazine rack there’s “Highlights Magazine” which is primarily for children, “Golf Digest” which is fine if you’re into golf, “Woman’s Daily” which I assume is there because doctor’s patients must be overwhelmingly female, “Good Housekeeping” for those of you that are not good housekeepers, “Prevention Magazine” if you want to prevent stuff from happening I guess, “American Spa” which I have absolutely no idea of its contents other than what one can do at a spa, and one lowly copy of a 2004 “Readers Digest.”
The pickings were slim considering my main goal was to somehow keep from nodding off in the waiting room and eventually embarrassing myself with a loud snoring sound.
It just seems to me that whenever I go to a doctor’s office the magazine collection consists of magazines that I’ve either never heard of, or their basic content consists of articles one would read while sitting in the waiting room in Hell while the Devil looks for your eternal penance. I think at that point I would explain to the horned one that just sitting in a waiting room with nothing to read surrounded by a bunch of near death patients was hell enough.
Once in a great while there are dated copies of “Time,” “Newsweek” (1950’s) and copies of “National Geographic” which holds my interest. But not very often. So because the news magazines tend to be ancient, I opt to read “National Geographic,” only because it has lots of pictures of strange places, animals, insects, and various magnified color shots of the inside of a person’s body for one reason or another.
Once in a while an occasional remote tribe somewhere in outer Mongolia are pictured doing whatever those tribal people do. I think as a kid I used to read “National Geographic” just to see naked tribal women. Couldn’t actually afford to buy “Playboy Magazine” so that was the next best thing. If ya like seeing naked tribal women that is.
What doctor’s offices need to do is update their list of magazines to accommodate their patients reading habits. For instance, if you’re in a plastic surgeon’s office he needs to subscribe to “Playboy.” Because while you’re in the waiting room reading Playboy and ogling the hot babes, after your surgery you can make a move on one of those babes who went to him in the first place for a boob job.
If you’re going for therapy sessions perhaps “True Story” might be good reading to prepare you for your visit. If you’ve broken a hip or another bone “Archaeology Magazine” might enlighten you on what future archaeologists might think when they uncover your remains years from now. If you’re going to a optometrist for an eye exam, forget reading magazines because you’re in an eye doctor’s office cause you can’t read anything in the first place you idiot.
But…..a neat eye chart for your eye examination might help out instead of those small to big letter charts.
Which also give me an opportunity to slip in my favorite optometrist joke:
Poor eye sight
A young women visited her optometrist complaining of failing eyesight. The optician sat her in front of a standard eye chart.
optometrist : “Can you read the bottom line?”
optometrist : “Can you read the center line?”
optometrist : “Can you read the large top line?”
optometrist (getting frustrated): “Can you even see the chart?”
The optometrist is clearly frustrated and whips his Johnson out of his pants.
optometrist : “Can you see this?”
Girl: “Of course!”
optometrist : “Well, there’s your problem — you’re cockeyed!”
So, my point to all this is doctors offices need to stock up on magazines that relate to why you’re sitting in the doctor’s office in the first place. Now the copy of “Prevention Magazine” that was in this particular office this morning made a bit of sense to me. Most of the articles were about losing weight. I thought it made sense because as I sat there I noticed that the door to the doctor’s office was almost twice as wide as a normal door.
Think about it for a moment. “Prevention Magazine” …..weight…..large door………..
I think THIS doc has it nailed.
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