The age-old question every man asks. Why do women cheat?
My first response to that question would be because the guy they’re married to, or dating, is a freakin’ low down idiot slug. However, once again I may be wrong. Which of course is very rare. Unless there’s a woman nearby, in which case, not only would “I” be wrong, but every man on the face of the earth as well.
Remember that old saying that goes something like, “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s nobody around does it still make a sound?” Same thing. If a man is making a statement and there’s no woman around to correct him, is he wrong?” The obvious answer to that question is, yes.
So, rather than answer that age-old question about why women cheat, which I just did, and was probably wrong, I’ll defer to “Yahoo’s Shine” for the actual reasons. Not that their reasons are any better than mine, but I’ll go with their explanations because, um, well, er…..just because. (standard response to any man asking a woman a question)
Yahoo’s Shine, in an article by Carson Griffith, lists five reasons why women cheat. After writing those five reasons Carson was railroaded out-of-town by some feminist woman’s group. Sorry Carson.
1. “Going Through A Transition.” Meaning things like, “turning a certain age, losing a parent or advancing the relationship status. The discomfort of change can trigger an impulsive desire to find someone to take her focus off of the change and be a diversion for what she is going through.”
Such as, “OMG! I just turned 35 and I’m seeing signs of hair growing on my chin and upper lip! Damn it!!……I’d better dump my boyfriend and have a same-sex relationship with another woman growing a beard or moustache so that we can both share razors.”
2. “Not feeling Adequately Celebrated.” “Women seek an emotional connection that their partner notices them, is proud of their achievements, and appreciates what they do, so when they aren’t getting this at home, they equate it to an emotional connection and seek companionship with someone else.”
Which is why all men should always show appreciation to the woman that they are with. Praise them for a great job of cleaning out the toilet bowl. Picking up cat barf. Perhaps applauding them when they are Swiffering. And maybe even invite friends over while she vacuums so that she can receive a standing ovation.
If your girlfriend, wife or mistress still doesn’t feel “adequately celebrated,” and her name just happens to be Mary…..play this song for her:
3. “Feeling A Relationship Ending.” “When a woman feels that uneasy sense that a relationship is on the outs, by either her doing or his, she will often look to fill the void externally to soften the blow.”
This of course can be evidenced by the fact that when you come home one night she may be in bed with another guy and claims that he is a pest exterminator checking for bed bugs. However, if you buy that explanation, you deserve to have her leave you. Unless of course you actually do have a bedbug problem. Kinda a toss up call on that one.
4. “It’s Just Not Fun Anymore.” “When you don’t laugh, you don’t love,” according to Shine. So ya might wanna have a bunch of one liners handy at all time. Possibly a few of those “moron” or “knock-knock” jokes. Keep her in stitches pal.
The reason for making your relationship fun so that she won’t leave you is because, “stresses of day-to-day life become the dominant factor in a relationship” and when that happens, “women feel unhappy.” So, “when they come across a coworker, or friend that they have a good time with, it suddenly brings to light what is missing in their own relationship and becomes tempting to act upon.”
My suggestion in this instance, besides the one liner jokes, might be to keep her laughing by wearing clown outfits, or doing slapstick stuff like peeing on yourself, whacking yourself with a hammer, letting her hit you in the face with a chocolate cream pie, or constantly playing “The Laughing Record” by “Spike Jones” on your iPod.
Finally, thank Gawd, and only because my initial assessment of why a woman would cheat on you is not on this list………….. number 5. “It’s Boring In The Bedroom.”
Shine says, “Men aren’t the only ones who need to spice things up.” Which basically means that all men who are tired of boredom in the bedroom would prefer to have “Posh Spice” of the “Spice Girls” with them in bed if given the choice between jumping their spouse’s bones or Posh Spice. My guess anyhow.
“Women need to feel desired. If she’s not getting any, or nothing to talk about, women start to feel a sexual void.” Kinda like Carlsbad Caverns. “With the popularity of such books as “Fifty Shades of Grey,” television shows, or listening to friends talk about their fun single trysts, women have that moment when they compare their love life at home to what the rest of the world seems to be experiencing.”
The obvious solution to this problem would be to ban all sex books in your house,, with the exception of your subscription to Playboy or Penthouse, cancel your cable TV subscription so that she can’t watch those hot sex scenes on TV and figure out that she’s missing out on something, and finally, forbid her to go out of the house and talk to any of her useless friends who want to know WTF is going on in the bedroom.
My point is that if there’s no books, TV, or friends, to compare her sex life with, she’ll think you’re the greatest lover on earth. However, if she STILL goes out and cheats on you, it’s most likely due to the fact that you really suck in bed and deserve to have her find another lover.
Or, you weigh 350 pounds, stand 5′ 2″ tall, have absolutely no sense of humor and can’t tell a freakin’ joke, and rather than give her praise about all that she does for you, it’s all about you. The “me, me, me” factor.
If that’s the case, you obviously are in love with yourself and really don’t need a woman around. Which, in the long run, might be the relationship best suited for you.
You know the old saying about being alone and not having a woman around. “The greatest thing about masturbation is you don’t have to look your best….. and, if you wanna get your date drunk, just pour beer on your hand.”
Kinda solves all those problems about your spouse cheating on you doesn’t it.
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