My Favorite Activity: Naked Gardening

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Don’t come too close ya damn pervert….I DO have a very sharp pair of clippers here…..and….I’m pruning.

You know that old song title, “San Francisco: Wear a Flower In Your Hair.”

Well how about a new song title for this day and age: “Seattle: Plant Flowers and Show All Your Hair.” While gardening entirely naked.

Which is what some naked gardeners did this past weekend in Seattle, Washington. Obviously my kinda gardening. Lots of things popping up I would assume. And I’m NOT talking about flowers. If you get my drift.

Gardeners from around the country took off their clothes and planted flowers to celebrate the 10th annual “World Naked Gardening Day.” Most likely so that they wouldn’t get their clothes dirty doing all that gardening.

Cripes, had I known that, I would have scheduled my own gardening in the yard this past Sunday to coincide with their gardening day on the 4th. I’m all for gardening naked. Only because I don’t own a lot of ragged jeans and shirts to go out in the yard and get them all dirty. Garden naked and all ya have to do is go in and take a shower. How neat is THAT!

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Larry, depressed due to his layoff from the plant, was later found dead from an overdose of insecticide.

Now you may think gardening naked is for kooks. Well you’d be wrong.

Mark Storey, 54, (bet he has a lot of naked “stories” to tell…sorry….couldn’t resist that one) started the naked gardening event with his friends, (who I assume were also naked) after he asked respondents in a poll what they enjoy doing naked.

Now wait a sex…um….sec here. If someone asked me what I enjoying doing most while naked do ya think I’d actually say, “Oh, let me think for a second…oh yeah, gardening.”

WRONG!

Either Mark has a verrrrry dull life, is very ugly, weighs 500 pounds, has no teeth, or any clothes for that matter, and his friends are all dorks, or he’s hit upon something, like naked gardening to compensate for all of his bad looks. As well as his friends.

(This activity may take the place of, “What’s your sign baybeeee” while in a bar)

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Until he took up naked gardening

So what kind of responses did he get. Swimming came in at 1. But gardening came in second. Where the naked part came in is beyond me.

So Mark decided to set aside May 4th to encourage people to exercise and connect with nature while naked. Yep, the ol “Do gardening while you’re naked, plant flowers and connect with nature ploy.” And we all know that when you mention planting flowers, connecting with nature, and getting naked, Gawd, that’s hard to resist. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to enjoy nature while naked.

“The gardening-naked connection is pretty natural, ” he said. “There’s not much body acceptance around, so the idea is to get people to try it. Maybe they will realize that the human body is OK and also beautify the Earth a little bit.”

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EARTH! EARTH! He said “beautify the EARTH” for cripes sake. Along with a “LITTLE” bit.

Oh sure Mark. A bunch of naked men and women bending over planting flowers and the birds and the bees hovering all around. What do ya think is gonna happen then! You know, birds = bees = sex. I didn’t fall off the fertilizer truck yesterday ya know.

Mark! Mark! Didn’t your parents, or at least your dad ever tell you the story about the birds and the bees? And they’re not even naked. The birds and the bees that is. Come to think of it, WTF do birds and bees have to do with sex anyhow? (really gotta check that out)

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“Yeah, me too. Soooooooo, was it good for you too?”

So, you’ve got naked men and women planting flowers, bees and birds involved in this gardening scenario as well, all that naked skin exposed, and some very potent fertilizer added to the mix. This doesn’t look good. As far as just planting flowers is concerned folks.

The event did not have a large gathering as it turned out. Instead, gardeners tend to celebrate it all over the country in their own way said the “Daily News” which reported this story.  Yeah….like maybe wearing clothes. Or, at least a pair of gloves.

Yes, wearing gloves while you’re gardening naked kind of negates the touchy feeley possibility. Unless you opt to wear those gardening gloves that are cut off at the finger tips. Then……it’s, “Mind if I feel your blossom buds?”

Somehow what comes to mind when I think of gardening is a little old lady with a potted plant or my next door neighbor raking leaves. Um, did I mention that my next door neighbor is a 85-year-old spinster and there’s no way I want to see her raking leaves while she’s naked.  Which is the main reason I’m not considering having my own “World Naked Gardening Day.”

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My next door neighbor’s garden

But there are other reasons why this event might not catch on. BUGS!  Yes, bugs. How’d you like to be gardening naked and have an ant crawl up your doo dad. Or worse, a damn tick. And WORMS! My gawd….a freakin’ worm on my SKIN! Blacccch! And we all know worms are basically naked already, so if they spot someone naked in a garden what the hell do ya think they’re gonna think. YES!  Another giant naked worm to mate with.

(NOTE) Men taking Viagra or Cialis and have that four hour erection problem and want to do some gardening whilst naked, remember, worms may be watching you and…um….well, er….you know, like a case of mistaken worm identity.

Look, I’ve got nothing against doing stuff while I’m naked. However, gardening is NOT one of them. If I’m gonna plant ANY seed it’s not gonna be in the freakin’ dirt. However, as seeds go, I’m a bit too over the hill to have any real productive seeds to plant someplace other than in dirt. If ya catch my drift here.

Actually, I’m still, being a hot-blooded Italian, quite fertile. My other half on the other hand has been spayed……many years ago. So any seed sprouting, other than those Durkee ones ya buy in the store and plant outside are the only ones that are gonna grow around here when I plant them……..fully dressed.

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Trowel pickup lines

Sorry Mark, no naked gardening for me.

However, I would be more than happy to be the official seed packet carrier for your next annual naked gardening event.

Just as an observer mind you. And only because I simply want to do my part in helping to promote “World Naked Gardening Day………………..”

And ogle the naked women.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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6 Responses to My Favorite Activity: Naked Gardening

  1. Doc says:

    I could get used to this…all I would have to do is “log” in….

  2. Sven says:

    Dick, you mentioned above something about “what’s your sign, baybeee”

    I am an “earth” sign, and she is a “water” sign…we named our first son “Muddy”

  3. Doc says:

    Hey Sven, my sign is “Neon”

    The only naked gardening I do is go into the woods on the highway and flip the monkey.

  4. with the featured photo on the reader I thought for a moment you would start blogging about fuck for forest… haha!

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