Playing With Dirt……Somethings Never Change


Nope…..that’s not it. The freakin’ computer is missing  you idiot

I was having a difficult time writing today’s blog. Usually my blogs are written a day in advance, so, as in this instance, it actually was written on Sunday afternoon. Yes, on very rare occasions when a major news item gets my attention and it is time sensitive, I do post a blog on the same day that I wrote it. But, not too often.

So here I sat in front of this antiquated computer with my mind a complete and total blank. It’s not that I have writer’s block, it’s that nothing was happening. It’s like stupidity took a day off.

What to do?

Well, I said to myself, “So, with nothing to write about, WTF are ya gonna do?” Which led me to think of what I had to do after I finish writing a blog. In this instance, it was venture out to the yard and transplant plants. Why? Beats me, it just seems like a good idea considering I have nothing better to do. NOT MY idea, my other half’s.

Besides, I really don’t mind playing in the dirt. Old habits are hard to break.


Actually nothing…..but it makes my other half think I’m actually working

Then again there’s the gazillion things my other half says I should be doing instead of writing this stupid blog every day as well. I sometimes feel like I’m part of the Dagwood and Blondie comic strip. Dagwood is always looking for an opportunity to snork out on the sofa and Blondie has a list of things for him to do.

So, today’s project was, as I mentioned, transplant flowers from one part of the yard to another. Which I really don’t mind doing.  But, I do have some remorse when doing that. Only because I don’t think like other normal people think. Like I really think plants have feelings. Along with various bugs that insist upon annoying me while I’m working in the yard.


OMG! I have no feeling in my legs!!!!!

I’ll explain.

For instance, I firmly believe that all creatures have the right to exist. You know, ants, spiders, creepy little unidentified squirmy things that crawl on you when you’re out working in the yard. Even tiny gnats that bug the hell outta me. So when I come across any of them, I simply move them somewhere else so that they can continue doing whatever it is Gawd put them on the earth to do…..other than annoy the hell out of me.

I’m kindhearted that way. Unlike my other half who will stomp and squish anything that moves and has more than four legs.


“The Woman’s Guide Book On How To Kill Bugs.”

So, if I’m out there digging in the yard and I come across a disgusting looking worm, or some other crawly thing, I simply scoop it up with my trowel, (I will not touch bugs….creeps me out) and move it somewhere else. While my other half looks on and mutters unmentionable words under her breath.


Sooooo, does this mean the marriage is off?

I think my compassion for bugs and crawly things stems from watching way too many cartoons as a child. Most of those cartoons were of characters such as mice, skunks, squirrels, coyotes, crickets, etc. And they all were able to carry on conversations. This of course imbedded in my mind that perhaps all bugs and things have the ability to communicate. Not with me, but with other bugs.

For instance. (two bugs)

“Hey Homer, look, it’s that giant ugly-looking creature with two claws and he’s gonna dig exactly where our front door is…..quick, warn the others.”

“OMG Ralph, what the hell is that he’s holding?”

“Geez, I dunno Homer. But it’s coming right at us….runnnnnnnnnn!”


I’m running! I’m running!

Which seems like a logical reaction any bug would have seeing me coming at them holding my trowel and aiming it right at them. If I were a bug I’d be in a state of panic as well. So, that’s how I think when I’m out digging around in the yard.

Now think about it for a minute. Aren’t ants smart enough to go out each day and forage for food, find it, travel great lengths to bring it back to their colony, and know exactly which ant hole is theirs. So they must have little tiny brains that can reason about things.


Not to mention the fact that in MY yard I have some really smart ants

So if that’s the case, why wouldn’t they be able to feel what we, as humans do. Like emotions and stuff. Just because they can’t talk doesn’t mean they can’t feel emotions. Well, um, maybe they can talk but it’s just that we can’t understand what the freak they’re saying.

So why take the chance that you might be considered a mass murderer, as far as those creatures are concerned, if you stomp on one of them and kill it. Isn’t it much better to have some compassion and simply move them somewhere else?

Now I’ve mentioned on occasion that I have a pesky black snake that insists on residing in my tool shed out in the yard. Yes, I detest snakes, but, that said, I sure as hell realize that he too may have a family and is simply out and about securing food for his family. So why should I knock him off?  All I want to do is capture him, move him elsewhere, like Miami Florida, so that we can both enjoy our lives without tormenting each other. So far, he refuses to cooperate.


Yeah……nature is calling you from Miami

The mole I have in my yard is a problem too. He, or she, I’m not sure if moles are he’s or she’s, insists on burrowing under my lawn to get where he, or she, is going. Which to me seems like nowhere because I have no clue as to what it’s trying to accomplish by going from one part of my lawn to the other. But, I deal with it by simply putting little direction signs near its tunnels showing it which direction to go in. All pointing to my neighbor’s yard. Seems to be working.

The squirrels, possums, raccoons, and occasional drunk from the bar across the street I just let do their own thing. They usually just come out, grab a few things for dinner or supper, and are on their way. Cept for the drunk, who can’t find his own way, and I have to drag his butt back across the street to the bar and plop him back up on a stool.


After I dragged his butt off of my front lawn…..

So, all in all, that’s what my Sunday will consist of. Which, at least keeps me busy and did give me something to write about for Monday, (today) which you are reading now.

It also made my other half quite happy as she finally got me to work out in the yard instead of writing this inane blog. Which I did anyhow. And…….um…….hold on a sec……

“Dear…’s already 3 o’clock and kinda late to go out and work in the yard, don’t ya think?”

“WHAT! Where the hell have you been all this time. I thought you WERE out working in the yard!”

“Um, well, I WAS gonna go out and work in the yard but I had to write a blog for Monday first.”

“So did you finally write it?”

“Yeah, I’m all finished and……………”

“Ok then you lazy SOB, get up and get your butt out there and start digging……NOW!”

“But honeeeee. It’s after 3 o’clock.”

“Look….either you get your butt out there and start transplanting those plants I’ve been bugging you to move or I’m stomping on every bug you find in out there in the yard!”

“Um……ok dear…..ya got me there….”(sigh)

The price of having bug compassion.


Remember….bugs, animals, and insects have family’s too. As Mitt Romney once said.

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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3 Responses to Playing With Dirt……Somethings Never Change

  1. Doc says:

    Speaking of ants, what do they call it when two ants run off to get married??


  2. Sven says:

    Pray for us Jesus, Dick!! see what you started?? Now I suppose Doc is going to come back with another stupid joke about modern spiders having websites instead of just plain webs…{sigh}

  3. Doc says:

    Speaking of spiders, Sven, why did the spider go to the auto dealer??

    To take one for a spin!!

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