Pregnant Moms Claim They Are Being Haunted. Um, by what?

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Useless information overload

Sometimes I feel like I’m getting way too much information by surfing the Internet. I never used to worry about a lot of stuff like giant snails and man-eating ants etc. Now I’m becoming paranoid about everything. I really gotta stop reading all this stuff and concentrate on something other than the weird stories.

Then again, I most likely wouldn’t have anything to write about. So, either way I’m screwed.

If you subscribe to the website “cafemom.com,” which I really DO NOT subscribe to but somehow get some of their stories, (nogoodnik computer add ons) you’ll have to read the story entitled, “Spooky True Accounts of Pregnant Paranormal Activity: Are Some Moms Being Haunted.”

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ANSWER: Because it’s not a ghost, but your wife,who is pregnant and a freakin’ nut job.

My guess at first reading that headline was that some moms are being haunted by the fact that they got pregnant and wished they had pursued a career first and pregnancy later.  But that wasn’t it. They are actually claiming that because they’re pregnant, “SHAZAM,! ghosts are appearing.

In this article by Linda Sharps, who is quite “sharp” writing this story because, like me, she is a bit skeptical about all this haunting stuff. Now if the story was about men claiming that they are haunted by their ex wives, THAT I’d believe. (personal experience involving nightmares and cold sweating during the middle of the night)

Which I usually get over when my other half wakes me up with a slap to the side of my head. Works every time.

Anyhow, some of these moms are convinced they experienced something outside the range of scientific explanation during their pregnancies. Some examples using the names that sharp Linda provided in the article:

Manda: “I have been waking up every night between 3 and 4am, often feeling uneasy with a sense that I am being watched. Yea, I know it sounds silly. I had a dream last night that I was awakened in the middle of the night to a demon, (half-human, half goat) licking my feet. I woke up and there was nothing there.”

This obviously can be attributed to being married to a husband who has insomnia, has a foot fetish, hasn’t shaven for a week and is horny. Or….you forgot that you own a goat and forgot to lock your front door.goat

Megsy: “When I was four months pregnant I turned the spare room into a nursery. It was always cold in there. I had seals (not the live ones) put on the window and heavy blinds. It was about this time that the rest of the house was starting to come alive as well. Doors on cupboards would open when I would walk into the kitchen. Bedroom wardrobes would be open and even clothes off of the hangers inside. The TV would turn on when I would be outside.”

Again Megsy, a simple explanation. You have one of those “clapper” devices that has gone rogue and if you clap your hands while watching programs like “Dancing With the Stars,” or “American Idol,” your wardrobe doors and closets will open. Has nothing to do with paranormal activity. Only those two programs have something to do with paranormal activity.

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Megsy…..this explains everything.

Apophysis: “Since I learned I was pregnant, I have a constant feeling of being followed and being watched. It happens mostly in the hallways of my house, where all the rooms connect.”

My suggestion Apophysis…….until it’s time to give birth….move into a freakin’ tent.

Wend: “I am currently pregnant and recently started hearing whispering in my ear. (just one ear?) When I was pregnant with my eldest son I would hear voices all the time. The voices would wake me up and it always seemed like someone left the radio or TV on in the other room but that was never the case. This morning I head a loud shhhhh-ing in my ear.”

Wend, listen, I’m currently speaking into your ear………and I’m NOT whispering……”SHUT THE TIMER OFF ON YOUR TV OR RADIO FOR CRIPES SAKES!” Or, tell your eldest son to stop getting up in the middle of the night to listen to TV or radio and to stop telling you to shhhhhh.

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Oh good…I was just getting into this crossword puzzle.

Thank gawd my other half can’t get pregnant. I’d have to kill her. Then again, she’s always waking me up in the middle of the night (no she’s not pregnant) and telling me she’s hearing some strange sounds coming from the kitchen. 9 outta 10 times it’s a damn cat barfing.

Speaking of cats. Wait till ya get a grip on this one.

Weller: “Not trying to sound crazy, (but guess what, you are) my cats have gone nuts and both my husband and I have been hearing strange noises in our home and last night it scared the hell out of us. We were both lying in bed sleeping, (sleeping—-which is strange if ya heard noises guys) and around 3:40 a.m. (which is when most normal people are asleep and don’t hear a freakin’ thing) we heard a loud high-pitched whining noise coming from our living room. My husband was spooked, (most likely because you woke him up while he was having a really nice dream about getting a good nights sleep without you waking him) and he went to investigate and found nothing. I was too scared to leave the room! We have no appliances or cell phones or anything that could make a noise like that. (did ya check your dresser drawer and see if hubby left the vibrator on?) We’ve lived here five years and have never really had any occurrences like that.”

Soooo, this has WHAT to do with her being pregnant?  Other than since she’s become pregnant her husband can’t get a decent nights sleep and the cats are going nuts because they can’t get a decent nights’ sleep either.

Note to this wife’s husband. Blindfold her and stick some damn corks in her ears at nighttime. Oh yeah…..do not give the cats any catnip prior to bedtime either. That loud whining noise coming from the living room might be the cats getting it on. Catnip is like Viagra and Cialis.  You know….four hours you’re turned on sometimes. 24 hours for cats.

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This obviously explains what most of these insomniac pregnant women re hearing in th dead of night

Ok….one last one from Firce. “I was pregnant, (which we’ve already guessed by now) and my eyes did their usual wander randomly at things in my room at night, which helps me to fall asleep. (kinda like me counting those swirly marks on my ceiling) But this night, my gaze was drawn to the center of the room, about two feet from where I lay, and there I saw, or thought I saw, (most likely thought) a patch of air that seemed thicker and darker than the rest. (here’s the best part of this one) It was humanoid in shape and I felt myself suddenly overcome by fear. My partner and I saw the figure countless times, always standing immobile in the center of the room.”

Ruling out that your husband might be sleeping naked, which you did not mention, and he’s freaking you out by getting up in the middle of the night, and is quite hairy, then it obviously has to be one of two things.

You actually DID see a patch of air, which can be in most cases attributed to a very potent male fart, and your hubby just didn’t want to tell you that he cut one. Or…when you’re asleep at night he whips out his Betty White inflatable doll and is deflating it when you suddenly wake up.

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The Betty White giant inflatable doll. Economy model.

Well, there it all is folks. How some women go nuts when they get pregnant and start imagining all kinds of things.

And, as I said, thank Gawd I don’t have to go through that any more. If my other half got pregnant, a star would suddenly rise in the East at night and three wise, or stupid men, would come knocking at my door bearing all kinds of gifts.

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Not to mention that we have a very good neighborhood crime watch

So chances of that happening are nil. Unless Publishers Clearing House has their awards van cruising neighborhoods at night, there are three strangely dressed guys driving it, they knock on my door for directions, (cause I never win that damn contest) and I mistake a damn street light for a star when I open the door. (I tend to forget my glasses when answering the door late at night)

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With four cats in our house THIS would be the only prize “I’D” stand a chance of winning

(3 a.m.) “Dear…..what was that strange noise I heard. And where the hell are you?”

“Ahhh, go back to sleep honeeee. Just some freakin’ guys in a van looking for Harvey Ferndorks house.  Bastards.”

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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1 Response to Pregnant Moms Claim They Are Being Haunted. Um, by what?

  1. Charlie says:

    Those stories sound legit to me.

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