HEY! Ya Wanna Buy Some Really Cheap Real Estate? ……

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Geez…..damn lucky bastard.  “I” never get any e-mail offers like  this one on my computer

Did you ever hear that line, “Hey pal. If ya believe that I’ll sell ya the Brooklyn Bridge really cheap.” Meaning in essence, that if you’re that dumb, you’ll most likely fork over the cash to buy the Brooklyn Bridge. But, that said, don’t fall for that offer. Unless you’re really THAT dumb.

Because some guy offered me that same deal 15 years ago and I bought it. So, it’s NOT for sale. And, as soon as I can muster up enough cash to travel to New York, have that bridge dismantled, and bring it back to Connecticut, I’m doing it.

But, there IS a great deal that you might want to invest in right now. Considering the bridge is a dead deal. Yes, right now for only $19.95 an acre, (starting price) you can own a piece of the moon. Or, if you prefer, you can shop around on Venus or Mercury for a more quieter location according to an article by Alan Farnham of “Good Morning America.”

Seems to me the moon, Venus or Mercury, in my own opinion, would be equally as quiet. Considering no one is living there at the present time. As far as we know. Unless the government, which always tells us the truth, is in this instance, is holding back information on prime land already being developed on those planets. Ya never know.

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And what better person to attest to the possibilities of  being “Way Out There” than Newt

So, how do you go about buying a piece of property on any of these planets?  Why you find an outer space realtor of course. And, we all know that most realtors are out in space already. Just look at some of the prices they’re pitching some properties at today. Waaaaaay out there in space if ya ask me.

Anyhow, the guy who may or may not be in outer space is Dennis Hope, (no relation to Bob) who is the founder and owner of “Lunar Embassy Corp.” of Gardnerville, Nevada, which claims to hold the property rights to several heavenly bodies. For a total of nine.

This vision of selling property in outer space came to Dennis in 1968. As you recall, in the 60’s, a lot of visions came to a lot of us. But that was because most of us back then were smoking some really good weed.

Dennis says that he remembers thinking that if only he had property, things might be better. “Then I saw the moon,” he said. “I thought, there’s a lot of property up there.”

(This could explain why Denni got divorced and is still single folks)

Dennis discovered that little stood between him and ownership. Most likely because who in their right mind is gonna get people to buy real estate on the freakin’ moon for starters. So obviously no one owned the moon, and other planets, so, Bob was apparently correct in his assumption. My guess anyhow.

Then again, I DID buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

So he did some research and discovered that there is a governing document of outer space called, “Treaty on Principles Governing the Activities of State in the Exploration and Use of Outer Space, Including the Moon and Other Celestial Bodies,” known for short as, “The Outer Space Treaty.” Or, “TPGASEUOSIMOCB.” Pronounced…WTF!

The treaty explicitly forbids the nations of the Earth from making territorial claims on other planets, but it does not address what claims might legally be made by private companies. Which the people who made up this treaty failed to address because they figured, in my own opinion, that most likely anybody who wanted to sell real estate on other plants would be most likely out of their freakin’ minds or confined to a loony bin cell somewhere never to be heard from again.

Oops…..along comes Dennis.

So ol Dennis consulted a number of sharks….(usually referred to as lawyers) and they told him, “Beats the f**k outta us. Run it up the ol flagpole and see what the hell happens.”

Which is what he did.

So right about now you’re all laughing at Dennis. Just like you all laughed at Bob in that Enzyte commercial. (Both Dennis and Bob are now laughing back at you)  Only because Bob’s getting a hell of a lot more sex than you and I, and the other because Dennis is making a killing from nut cases buying property on other planets.

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That smiling Bob guy from those Enzyte commercials. Um….oops…..now we know why he was really smiling.

Which leads me to belive that I should begin to worry about these people running around loose.

So what’s his biggest seller to date? Yep, the freakin’ moon. Why? Because, as he always points out to prospective buyers, “You can see it.” And we all know you never want to buy any property unless you can see it.

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Yes folks. There’s a dark side to everything.

So far he’s sold 7.5 percent of the moon. Which, according to his calculations, is about 600 million and 11 acres. Mars sales are kinda down however. He’s only sold 325 million acres. Most likely because you really can’t see it from his office.

But, it’s not only individual buyers swallowing up land on these planets. (and you thought it was only loony toons) Nope, 1,800 corporations, including two hotel chains have invested in property in outer space. Including one parcel that he sold for $45,000 which was 2.66 acres.

Which means instead of seeing ads for “Ramada Inn,” we might see ads for “Ramoonda Inns.” Or instead of Best Western,” how about, “Best Spacedom.” Ok….one more for good measure. Instead of just plain “Hyatt Hotels,” how about, “Very Hyatt Hotels.”

Damn. And I blew all of my money investing in Pet Rocks. Cripes!

Hope has a website, “Lunar Embassy,” if you’re interested in spending all of your hard-earned life savings on outer space property, including the moon.

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Hey! This time get more than $24 for cripes sake.

I might consider selling the Brooklyn Bridge if you’d rather have something here on earth that you can really get your hands on now. Call me.

Mr. Hope says that he is far from being an unscrupulous salesman. Which means that he does have some scruples. Which are NOT for sale. Such as the Apollo moon landing sites and certain places on Mars. (not the candy company)

“Unfortunately, certain places on Mars are not for sale because we firmly believe that they should remain for the good of all Mankind. This includes the famous “Face On Mars,” (not Donald trump’s) as well as the “Pyramids on Mars.” (different type than in Las Vegas) It would be irresponsible of the “Lunar Embassy” to sell these historic areas of general interest,” said Hope.

Hmmm. Ok…ok…..I feel very bad now offering the Brooklyn Bridge to anyone who wants to buy it. He’s right. It would be totally irresponsible to sell something like the bridge because it is an area of general interest. (sigh)

However, I would be willing to rent it out to anyone who just wants to use it for a day or two to cross over from Brooklyn to New York City. Real reasonable price. Just $19.95 per crossing. Pedestrians get a break. Just $9.95 per person. Half the price if you walk across the bridge rather than drive. Such a deal.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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