Not one to be into today’s music, I thought the headline I read that said that “Taylor Swift Drops Nearly $18 Million On A Rhode Island Mansion” was about some guy who is the CEO of the “Swift” company buying a house .
I mean, when you say, “Swift” what’s the first thing that comes to mind. Meats of course. Kinda like saying “Hershey’s,”…….you think of chocolate. Seems logical to me.
So I was kinda excited when I read that headline figuring that now I could have an inside connection to all of the Swift Company’s products and perhaps get a discount on stuff like bacon, sausage, turkeys and stuff. But, alas, it wasn’t the head of the Swift Company that forked over $18 million dollars for a mansion in Watch Hill, Rhode Island.
So much for the discount on bacon, sausage and turkeys. Rats!
(Swift does not make rats)
It turns out that the buyer is Taylor Swift. (no relation to Gustavus Franklin Swift, the founder of Swift Company or Jonathan Swift, a really fast guy) Taylor is a singer and I guess has sung her way into making $18 million dollars, which is enough to purchase this mansion overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.
Now I’m quite familiar with this mansion. Only because when you’re a peon such as myself, and you were raised in Rhode Island, you can actually drive to where the mansion is and view it……from a distance of course. Peons are not allowed to walk on mansion grounds or even touch anything remotely resembling a mansion in Watch Hill.
However, we CAN drive by, from a distance, and drool. Drooling is allowed as long as you do it within the confines of your vehicle.
For those of you who are Taylor Swift fans, you can also drool, from the confines of your own paltry home over the amenities Ms. Swift will have in her new ocean front estate. It’s four stories and sits on just about over 5 acres, has floor to ceiling window’s, (great for peeping toms) and has 16 rooms. Which, as we all know, if you live alone, you need to have 16 rooms.
It has a beautiful ocean view, which will allow Taylor to watch ocean seagulls pooping on other people’s mansions. A view of Block Island, which is a block shaped island out there off the coast of Rhode Island and actually is a part of Rhode Island but not attached so to speak, because Rhode Islanders haven’t quite figured out how to build a bridge to connect it to the mainland.
Actually, Rhode Islanders don’t really care about connecting it to the mainland because nothing really goes on out there on that island so why the hell build a bridge to get out there in the first place. Makes sense to me.
Which is why they run ferries to the island from Point Judith. Which was named after some woman named “Judith” who used to stand on the shore, and point out to tourists that the island out there was Block island. She ran the ferry business too. Which is the main reason she pointed out the island to tourists, figuring that if she pointed it out they’d be curious enough to take the ferry out there to see it.
Taylor’s new home also features a “cheerful sitting room,” for sitting in if you’re feeling cheerful. If you’re feeling somewhat sad, there’s always the not so cheerful sitting room room….I guess. There’s a library, game room, service kitchen, where you can get serviced, (I’m thinking food here you perverts) and an extra-large five car heated garage. Obviously for those intimate moments when Taylor wants to spend quality time alone with her car.
HEY……you’ve heard about lots of people having love affairs with their cars haven’t you!
Oh yes, lest we forget the all important mansion swimming pool, pool house, terraces, and a widows walk roof terrace.
For those of you who may not know what a widows walk is. It’s a small place on top of a house situated near the ocean where wives could look out over the ocean to see if they could spot their husband’s boat returning from a journey out on the sea doing whatever it is those guys did when they took long journeys out on the sea.
AND…..if the ship didn’t come back as scheduled, (widows had ship schedule arrivals) they paced back and forth on their “widow’s walk” thinking to themselves, “Hey, he’s not coming back, so therefore and forsooth, I may be a widow.” Which, when you think about it, seems logical. AND….must have proven true, otherwise why would it be called a “widows walk.” Duh!
As to why Taylor would need a widows walk, considering she’s not married, and most likely if she were, it wouldn’t be to a fisherman, perhaps that widows walk could be rented out to other prospective widows who do not have a widows walk in the nearby area. Good friendly community relations as far as I’m concerned.
Last summer Swift, (the singer and not Tom) dropped $4.8 million dollars for a house in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts which was next to the Kennedy compound because she was dating 17-year-old Conor Kennedy at the time. Since then she has sold that property, most likely because she’s not dating Conor any longer.
Which raises the question. Is she now dating someone in Watch Hill? Although I can’t think of any celebrities near that mansion she just purchased that she might be dating. However, there is one home that was or still is owned by the famed Kellogg’s cereal family.
How close her mansion is to the Kellogg’s house may be worth looking into. If it’s within range of her new home, I would venture a guess that paparazzi should be keeping a close eye on Tony the Tiger, of Frosted Flakes fame. Remember, you heard it here first folks.
And if you think I’m kidding about her buying homes next to or near her boyfriends, here’s a quote from Swift: “Apparently I buy houses near every boy I like.” And the website I ripped off this story from, “OMG.Yahoo.Com,” also commented by saying, “So now that she has the house, we can’t wait to see who her love interest in Rhode Island will be.”
My moneys on Tony the Tiger.
Which makes sense to me. I mean, Tony must be worth millions, not to mention, but I will, the tons of Frosted Flakes stock he must own. Along with a sizable supply of Frosted Flakes. AND….he keeps a very low profile, which is great, because obviously Taylor doesn’t want the notoriety she got while dating Conor Kennedy. Therefore, if she should be spotted walking around Watch Hill with a tiger, nobody’s gonna pay any attention to her at all.
Not only that, but in another exclusive photo of Tony the Tiger, we caught him breaking the news to his other friends about linking up with Taylor…….
So that’s the scoop from ol Misfit on Taylor Swift, her new $18 million dollar mansion, and Tony the Tiger.
Before I go, I just want to put an end to all those rumors about Tony the Tiger for you Taylor Swift fans.
There is absolutely no evidence linking Tony the Tiger to any cereal killings.
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