Sex = Funderwear = Smartphones = Really Safe Sex.

Safe Sex

Safe Sex

Lest you think that “I” am the only one with sex on the brain because I just happen to come across stories involving sex or sheep, I take absolutely no responsibility for this next story which “I” did not find or bothered to do any research on. Um….at least not until one of my close friends, who shall remained unnamed, (Doc) brought it to my attention.

Then….of course I did research it strictly out of curiosity. Unlike my friend Doc who immediately whipped out his Visa card and went on-line to place an order for this new product.

I will also state that it was not my unnamed friends in Australia, (Charlie & Greg) to blame for this blog either. As they too forward off the wall information to me. I mention this because this new product is being manufactured by a company in Australia.  My guess is because Australians live so far apart from one another that this new innovative product was called for.

Landline mean version

Landline virgin…um…I meant landline version

So what is it?  I thought you’d never ask. So, first of all, the video……. which saves me from having to graphically explain this new product to all of you. Watch it. I’ll wait here patiently. If you’re not back in 15 minutes I’ll figure that you’re taking time to order this product on-line ya damn perverets. AND….if by chance I’m not here when ya get back, it’s because I’m ordering it on-line too.

Ok… that most of you are all fired up about this new product, “Funderwear,”  manufactured by the condom company “Durex,” you’re all probably whipping out your Visa and MasterCards as well. I’d probably do the same, but I don’t have a long distance relationship so I really don’t need a bunch of sensors going off in my other half’s bra while she’s shopping in a Wal-Mart because I’m plugged into a Funderwear device and all turned on.


“Misfit you damn perverted bastard, shut that freakin’ Funderwear device off NOW!”

The rest of you, who may or may not have a long distance relationship, or are just plain horny 100% of the time on any given day, most likely will buy this Funderwear device. I can’t say I blame you. This takes phone sex to a new level.

Thank Gawd phone booths are becoming extinct, otherwise people having phone sex with Funderwear would be crowding phone booths by the dozens, then getting arrested by the police for indecent exposure for possibly taking their clothes off in a phone booth, which is the main reason you don’t see Superman changing in a phone booth anymore. Police caught him doing just that……taking his clothes off in a public phone booth.

“But officer, I’m Superman, and I was just getting into my outfit in order to fight crime and corruption!”

“Yeah right pal. And I’m really Zorro dressed in black.”


It wasn’t until later that Superman discovered that Batman was wearing Funderwear

Considering you can use this Funderwear via your smart phone brings video sex to a new level. This also takes stroking someone hundreds of miles away to a new level. Which raises an all important question. If this Funderwear gizmo can do for your partner what you would normally do if you were there with him or her, then why would you even bother going over to see him or her when you could get your jollies via the Internet or phone.

This new product has many ramifications. For one, if you’re too damn lazy to shave or shower, who gives a rats ass. Just dial-up your partner, make sure you both have Funderwear on, and go at it. No hygiene required. No condoms required. And when you’re done, simply say, “Bye Dear,” and flick off the computer.  After all, you’ve both already done your download stuff via the Internet.  If ya catch my drift.

The only problem I see with that concept is if the Durex Company, the Australian company that makes Funderwear decides to add other options other than just the touchy feeley effect.

Like Smellowear, which allows you to smell the other person. Which of course means that then you would have to shower and shave.Hey, don’t laugh. They already have smell options in movie theaters and if you thumb through some magazines you’ll find scratch and sniff advertisements for perfume and after shave. How do ya think I manage to save money not buying perfume and aftershave.


Herman wishes he had called Susie and initiated sex using Funderwear. But, it was too late and he had  forgotten to take a shower.

There are some drawbacks however for both the Durex company and those who purchase Funderwear.

For Durex, obviously the main drawback would be a decline of their condom sales, what with people having smart phone/computer sex . So, what to do about that?

My advice for Durex would be to revise their condom manufacturing process to include condoms that fit over smart phones and computers. Especially laptops. If ya catch my drift. Which also leaves me to think that I should have second thoughts about using someone elses smart phone or laptop computer.

Anybody got any hand sanitizer handy?

The main drawback for anyone having sex using Funderwear without their lover present is having sex without their lover present. That would be my guess.

But….there ARE more positives than negatives for using Funderwear. Like not having to say to your partner, “Was it good for you?” Or having to share your after sex cigarette or joint after sex. Or having to make two sandwiches after sex.  AND…just being able to roll over and go to sleep after sex. The best part about using Funderwear and your smart phone or computer.


There ARE some drawbacks if you happen to conect with someone on line who’s wearing Funderwear that you haven’t met before and you don’t have Skype

“But Mousefeet, wouldn’t you STILL have to do some of that stuff after sex if your lover is still connected via your smart phone or computer?”

No. Not if you use the ol, “Sorry honeeee……I think I was out of range when I got up to use the bathroom…you know….those damn dropped calls….damn!”  Or, “Geez baybeee……my computer suddenly froze up….I’m sorry.”

Which I’m sure comes with your Funderwear package instruction manual listed under the “troubleshooting” section subtitled, “How to end a Funderwear sex session in two easy steps.”

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:

(NOTE) You can presently donate without having Funderwear on your smart phone or computer

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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6 Responses to Sex = Funderwear = Smartphones = Really Safe Sex.

  1. swedenole13 says:

    Oh Buggah mate, that’s fair dinkum!

  2. Sven says:

    The website’s been down all morning, the last five hours….I ALWAYS misss out….

  3. Doc says:

    Oh boy! Where do I begin?!!? (no, not Love Story, Andy Williams) so many questions…

    (BTW, thanks a lot for mentioning my name as co-conspirator…you mean to tell me you wouldn’t find this site on your own? you susbcribe to the same websites I do, ’cause I know your username, DICK)

    I bought stock in the company “THMBS” (NYSE) last night. Let’s see what it does…it will probably go up (heh, heh). But you “raise” some good……………………..questions…

    What happens if one (or both) partners run out of phone batteries (likely after constant and expected usage—say, 30 minutes)–is the relationship over? (buy stocks in battery companies)

    What if there was furious usage (say, one minute)–do you have to replace the smartphone glass while your partner is dead on the other end? (my friend just said make sure you have another smartphone handy–no, not to continue the session–but to call 911 for your partner)

    (make a note: invest in smart phone glass manufacturers)

    What about smart phone data management–ya, know, “UPloading” signals–increased costs depending on the phone company, and region of use? (should one go to a cheaper “region” to do a session?)

    What if everyone of us who had smartphones used it at the same time? (“sorry, ALL circuits are busy–please try your call again later–in the meantime, I’m free!!”…such a lovely voice she has)

    Smartphone manufacturers–if they were really smart–would benefit hugely by adding heavenly music for the ambiance, thereby adding to the costs of data management (I’ll be right back…investing in music and smartphone companies…)

    What if your partner wants to take her clothes off–hopefully (I’ll never take mine off–too scary)–does that end the session, right then and there? (“hurry, put them back on!!”), boy that was close

    What if I put it on my wool doll you advertised in an earlier blog–would it scorch the wool?? (great news for THAT company–I’ll just buy another one anyway)

    I don’t see Durex having a problem with condom sales as you do (especially the “ribbed” ones) —us men always have Rosie Palmer to help us along.

    The only problem I DO see is that the smartphone glass might get sticky–NO, not for that reason, geez–but because I like to lick things.

    I predict the next Funderwear will have bigger buttons, and smart phones bigger cameras

    This is getting out of hand (….exactly)

    no more links for you (until tomorrow)

    • misfit120 says:

      Ya see Doc….here’s one reason you’re not getting a lot of sex. You’re fretting about all the bad things that can happen using Funderwear instead of just slapping on your BVD’s and calling someone on a whim and hoping they have Funderwear too. Chill out and start random dialing….you might get lucky.

      Click here for my daily blog.


  4. Doc says:

    I used to know a girl named ‘Lucky”–is that who you mean? Thanks, but i already had her.

    She always told me: “But I know what you’re thinking, Doc. I always asked myself, “Did he fire six loads or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as that was 44 inches, the most powerful gun in the world, and blows its head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel like I’m Lucky? Well, do I, punk?

  5. What happened to the days of just picking someone up from the bar? LOL But hey, if theres a woman out there that can attest to this working for her I’d be interested in what her normal sex life is like…. 😉 thanks for the giggle!!!!

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