I never really paid much attention to surveillance cameras. Mainly because I’m not worth surveilling. Who in their right mind would want to surveil anything that goes on in my otherwise boring life anyhow.
It’s not like I’m a celebrity or bank robber or something. So I really never gave a second thought to the gazillions of cameras watching my every freakin’ move. UNTIL….
Until I watched the drama unfold on TV with regard to the manhunt, (or womanhunt….there WERE women hunting for those guys too) in Boston this past week. Cameras were everywhere, and that was the downfall for the two suspects. Caught on surveillance cameras. Along with thousands of other people.
Now I’m getting a bit paranoid. I’m looking for cameras everywhere I go now. Not that I’m doing anything wrong mind you, but it’s a bit creepy.
Like how many cameras have caught me patting my other half’s butt while riding on an elevator? Or adjusting my balls because, as all guys know, you have to adjust them on occasion. Just for the comfort factor. I guess it could be compared to a woman adjusting her boobs.
Meanwhile, Harvey Slosnick up in the security department of the building of wherever those cameras are is getting off on watching that stuff.
“Harvey…you damn pervert!”
Yeah. And does Harvey make copies of those videos for himself to take home because he’s a damn pervert? Ask yourself that question while you’re at it. Not that Harvey gives a rats ass about me grabbing my crotch, but suppose he catches some couple making out on an elevator. Then what? You betcha Harvey is gonna make copies or call all of the other security guys over and have a laugh watching THAT video.
“Marvin….Marvin….come look at this! Some guy and his hot babe are making out in the elevator and they’re really going at it!”
“Cripes Harvey, let me see, let me see…move over, you’re blocking the screen!”
Yeah, that’s what I mean. And it’s not only in elevators. Start paying attention folks. They’re EVERYWHERE! Except maybe in restrooms. But, I have my doubts there too. How do you know if they’re not hidden somewhere. Like those little tiny holes in the ceiling panels….jusssst big enough for a tiny camera to watch your every move……or, in the case of being in a restroom……movement.
Travelling down the Interstate. Yep….observe those cameras on top of light poles watching every move you make. Copping a feel while you’re driving thinking that no one can see you. HAH! Guess again. Highway Transportation Central has you on their screens zooming in on you as you get your jollies.
Grocery stores, convenience stores, gas stations, airports, houses of ill repute all have cameras watching your every move. Um…well, maybe not that last one. And that’s only because they’ve seen it all a gazillion times over and over. Gets boring after a while.
But what about those other cameras. The ones you can’t see in plain sight. Those are the ones that are freaking me out. Excluding of course, the cameras that perverts hide in restrooms that are not sanctioned by the establishment.
Yes….those hidden cameras that are, duh…..hidden.
It’s like you know you’re being watched but where? NOW…….NOW…..Now I know why my other half always insists on putting on makeup and doing her nails before we go anywhere. Those freakin’ surveillance cameras. Gotta look your best. Which is the equivalent of your mother telling you when you were a kid to always wear clean underwear lest you be in an accident and they discover you’re wearing dirty underwear.
I suspect that wherever we go in our daily lives we are on surveillance cameras. Which not only pisses me off because someone is taping me, but because if I could get my hands on all the surveillance cameras that I’m on I’m sure I could splice all that footage together and make a really neat X rated movie. Considering the number of times I never thought I was being videotaped and copped a feel or two….or more.
(NOTE) If any of you surveillance guys have tapes of me doing perverted stuff on elevators, restrooms, in my truck, or anywhere else, please forward those clips to MisfitWisdom.
A lot of cameras are also mounted in vehicles as evidenced by the number of videos we see on the news involving accidents or views from a police cruiser. Not to mention the number of cell phones that have cameras as well. They’re everywhere!
Hmmm……maybe I should go change my underwear right now before I venture out to my local convenience store….jsussssst in case.
Now, the only way to combat this invasion of surveillance cameras is to remember that if any of those videos are used for TV purposes, they will not broadcast it if you are flipping the bird. Or double bird. (two-handed method) Mafia guys use this tactic all the time as they are being escorted into court and cameras are photographing them.
So, my advice is, if you are constantly weary of being photographed or taped by a hidden camera there are some preventive measures one can take. First of all, have all of your clothing embroidered with the words, “F**K YOU” in 10 inch lettering on the front and rear of all of your clothing. Obviously they’ll censor that.
Secondly, employ the bird tactic too. Kinda like a double shot of the finger and the shirt. A tattoo with those same words on your forehead works equally as well. If you’re a female and have ample cleavage perhaps ‘f**k on one boob and “you” on the other might work just fine. Gotta take all the preventive measures that you can think of in this day and age of constant surveillance.
Constantly be on the lookout for cameras wherever you go. Trust no one. Not even your wife, girlfriend, companion or pets. Ya never know.
Um…..sorry….have to go. I just noticed a blinking light up in the corner of my room here on some sort of round device. Gotta check it out.
“Honeeeee! Did you place a damn surveillance camera in my room you damn SOB!!!!!!!”
“What. What are you talking about, there’s no camera in here.”
“Oh Yeah…then what the hell is that thing up there next to the ceiling with the red light blinking?”
“You idiot…..it’s the smoke detector!”
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