Zzzzzzzzzzzz, Huh? Oops….I Forgot To Write A Blog….Damn!…………….WAIT!

duh2

I’m sorry folks. I totally zonked out today. It happens. Deal with it for cripes sake.

So. What to do?  I haven’t a clue. (yes, I know, that rhymes)

(thinking)

Hmmmm. Now there’s an idea, considering my mind is blank today. Which isn’t unusual, but more so today. Rhymes…YES! Rhymes. (this has nothing to do with LeeAnn Rimes)

Problem is that the only rhymes I have stored in my mind are off-color ones.

Hmmm. Ah screw it……I’m goin’ with the rhymes angle.

(DISCLAIMER) MisfitWisdom accepts absolutely no responsibility for the content of these rhymes. I’m just posting them folks, not writing them. Cut me some slack here. I’m having an off day.

“Old Mother Hubbard, (65) went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog, (Rover) a bone.

When she bent over, Rover took over, he had a bone of his own.”

Hey! I warned ya. However, Rover has since been neutered and is no longer a problem.mother hubbard

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the King’s men
said “Screw him, He’s only an egg.”

r

R.I.P.

Which is quite understandable. Eggs are not easy to clean up and, as I recall, cleaning up egg splatter was not in the King’s Men contract.

c

Obviously they did not have a good marriage

Now this next one is a bit bawdy, as being bawdy goes, but I couldn’t resist it. Sorry.

“Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her ……”
(but she didn’t wear that one very often)

HEY! I didn’t make that one up either. (I bet you’re laughing though…..damn perverts)mary 2

UM WAIT….jussssssssst one more……mary2

OK..onward.

“Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there’s little Franky.”

Who grew up to be a famous singer back in the 40’s and 50’s with hits like, “My Way,” “New York, New York,” and “The Lady Is A Tramp,” which he dedicated to his mother Jill.jack and jill

“Hickory dickory dock,

two mice ran up the clock,

The clock struck one,

And the other escaped with minor injuries.”

However, after escaping with minor injuries, the mouse sued the clock company, eventually settling for a substantial settlement, then moved to Hollywood, California, changed his name to “Mickey” and eventually became a huge success staring in various cartoons. The clock maker eventually lost its U.S. license to manufacture clocks, went a bit cuckoo,  and relocated to the Black Forest in Germany.

f

How the three blind mice were able to accomplish their clock excursions

OR,

“Two mice ran up the clock,

The clock was electric, and loosely connected,

They got one hell of a shock.”

Mice absolutely have no brains. You’d think they’d learn from past clock experiences.

(for the record, I know there were actually “three” mice but as you know, they were all blind, which hampered their clock activity somewhat, and one decided to forgo anymore clock excursions)rhymes 3

“Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating his pumpkin pie,

He stuck in his thumb, pulled out a plum, and said,

“What the f**k is a plum doing in a pumpkin pie?”

Obviously a malfunction at the “Table Talk”pumpkin pie factory.

w

WTF Man?

I’m on a roll here…..

Then there was “Little Miss Muffett, who, as we all know, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. (yuk)

Along came a spider, sat down beside her, and said, “Um…what’s in the pot bitch?”

Spiders in those days were very crude.

w

Which, as we all know, eventually inspired Peter Frampton’s hit song

Ok…Ok….one last one….then I’ll call it a day.

“Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
I live in a flat you freakin’ jerk, so how the hell would I know.”

Geez….cool it Mary for cripes sake. You could have one of those rooftop gardens ya know.

m

I’m growing pot you idiot

Ok…that’s it. Enough of this frivolity.

Hmmm. Wait a sec here. Does this qualify as writing a blog? Maybe I’m off the hook after all. YES!

Ok…I know it wasn’t informative as in current events, giant creatures, politics, celebrities going braless and various angles on what to do with poop, but nonetheless, it still WAS a blog wasn’t it?  AND…I DID provide you with some neat rhymes. What more do ya want?

Oh…sure….one last rhyme. Ok….I’m easy.

(This is an original)westboro2

“There once was a church in Westboro, located in Topeka, Kansas,

Their causes are radical because they’re a bunch of asses.

They threaten to picket the funerals of the Boston bombing victims,

Saying that God sent the fury over “fag” (their word) marriages, (I guess on a whim)

So under the guise of a legitimate church, they’re promoting their cause, regardless of the hurt,

Which leaves many of us to conclude, these people are nothing but dirt.

Westboro Baptist Church members from Kansas, if you travel to Boston to protest,

Ya better click your heels twice, to get back to Kansas, otherwise your asses are going to be under arrest.”westboro 1

Or….worse….we New Englanders do not cotton to freakin’ nut cases when you are protesting during the funerals of innocent people. Um…..ya might wanna look up what we did during the Boston Tea Party.

AND…..we actually like tea.

Just sayin.’

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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