For the past few weeks the new leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, (no relation to Mah Jong….unless that’s his mother’s name) has been ratcheting up the “We’re gonna attack you nogoodnicks in the West because….um….because….er….well, we don’t really have a valid reason to attack you but it seems like a good idea..”
Frankly, and this is my own personal opinion, I think Kim is attempting to show some muscle. After all, he hasn’t been leader of North Korea for long and he has to show the people, mainly the military, that he’s no damn panty waist.
First of all, take a real good look at this guy.
Now does he scare the bejesus outta you or what?
Of course not. The guy looks like he could be Jackie Chan’s brother for cripes sake. And we all love Jackie Chan.
So what the hell is Kim’s problem anyhow?
Well, it could be his late father, Kim Jong-Il, who WAS “IL,” which is one of the major reasons he is no longer with us. Because, besides being “Il,” he was somewhat of a strange guy. He actually had a lot of idiosyncrasies. (oddities, other than having a very short last name)
For instance, he always wore oversized glasses, was kinda squat, had coiffed silver hair, (like Kenny Rogers) and, according to an article in “The Atlantic Wire,” appeared somewhat cartoonish. Unlike Jessica Rabbit who also appears somewhat cartoonish but looks really hot. As rabbits go.
So what else made him somewhat odd enough to perhaps affect Kim Jong Un? I mean, you know the old saying, “Like father like son.”
(for the sake of comparison, and because I don’t feel like typing those names again and again, I shall refer to Kim Jong-Il as “Il,” and his son as “Un.”)
Il ate extravagantly, counting sushi and shark’s fin soup, which were his favorite meals. But, he once sent his personal chef, Kenji Fujimoto, (no relation to Mr. Moto) to Beijing to go to a McDonald’s and bring back some hamburgers. Kenji said, “By the time I got back to Pyongyang, they were cold. But Il ate the cold hamburgers.”
So me thinkith that “Un” may have thought that we were attempting to pull the wool over his fathers eyes by selling him cold hamburgers and is now not only pissed off at McDonald’s for making his father eat cold hamburgers, but also has it in for all fast food hamburger restaurants. OR….he actually thinks McDonald’s sells nothing but cold hamburgers and that the food in the West sucks…..so lets destroy all McDonald’s and, what the hell, the rest of the world while were at it. Thereby saving the world from eating cold hamburgers. My guess anyhow.
You know how hard it is for North Koreans to get any news from the outside world, so, if Un tells them we only serve cold hamburgers here in the West, obviously they’re all gonna support his efforts. Might have a few sympathizers here in the U.S. as well who ever got a cold McDonald’s hamburger.
Il also nurtured a taste for fine alcohol by keeping a “royal wine cellar” of over 10,000 bottles and reportedly spent up to $720,000 a year on “Hennessey” cognac.
Now we all know what drinking too much wine and cognac can do to ones state of mind. Which is the one reason whenever you spot a fruit fly around grapes they always seem to by flying erratically. Which is why it’s very hard to swat them suckers. Which is also the main reason Il was kind of erratic but never really did any flying. As far as I can determine.
But Un may have sworn off drinking wine after seeing his father spend all that money on very expensive wine. He doesn’t appear to look like a wino from my perspective. Then again, if you’re gonna sit next to Dennis Rodman and appear to look like a leader who’s got things under control, I could be wrong.
Now as far as entertainment goes, Il’s favorite pastime to keep him amused, (and we all know that North Korean’s REALLY need to be amused) was watching his collection of over 20,000 movies. Among his favorites, James Bond and Rambo. And besides the movies, Il loved to play with toys like Jet Skis, motorcycles, karaoke machines and especially loved to go to gambling parties with bricks of $100 dollar bills along with having a bunch of, “pleasure girls” nearby.
I think “pleasure girls” may be girls that give you pleasure. Just a guess.
Which may be Un’s problem. Maybe he’s just not getting enough “pleasure” by spending way too much time watching 007 and Rambo movies instead of women. Then again, if he’s into collecting things like his late father, maybe he hasn’t updated his “pleasure girls” and they’re as old as his late father. Sure as hell would wanna make me want to launch an attack. No pleasure would drive any guy to start a war.
(refer to “Troy” starring Brad Pitt. Subtitled: “How I Screwed Up My Life Over Some Broad Named Helen.”)
Finally, Il, it’s been discovered, fed his dogs better than his own people. He once caught one of his kennel employees eating beef intended for his pet dogs and then sent the guy to a labor camp for two years. So if Un’s father treated his dogs better than his own people, perhaps now North Korea is overrun with very fat dogs and maybe THAT’S why Un is so provocative with all this threat of war talk.
If you’ve got a bunch of fat dogs running all over the place thanks to your old man, the simple solution would be to find homes for them. And North Korea not being a very big country, and the people very poor, the solution would be to just let them dogs loose into South Korea, which, has enough dogs of their own, so, the final solution for Un, start a war, take over another few countries and let them dogs loose.
Hence, more beef for Un to make his own HOT hamburgers and say to McDonald’s, “Me got 16 all beef patties on a sesame seed bun, my fruit fly drink and my pal Dennis Rodman! Take THAT you stupid imperialistic Melicans.”
Hmmmm. Maybe Secretary Kerry should send him a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Might stave off any war talk once he gets off that hamburger kick.
Worth a shot.
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