I’ve got nothing against visiting Japan. I think it’s a beautiful country steeped in history and tradition. And poop. Well, so is the United States considering everyone poops. But, some disturbing news out of Tokyo. Which is, poop may be served in restaurants in the guise of a tasty steak.
(this would be the point where you stop reading today’s blog if it’s shortly before you eat dinner) Maybe even afterwards too.
First of all thanks to my friend Charlie, (as she likes to be called) in Australia for sending me this sh*tty story. Literally. (They don’t have much to entertain themselves in Australia so they surf the Internet looking for this type of entertaining material. Then pass it on to me. Because I don’t have a lot to entertain myself either.)
Anyhow, the latest in food technology according to the website “MotherNature,” (name seems appropriate considering the topic) to come out of Japan is an edible steak made from human feces. However, there is also disclaimer to this story by “Discovery News” stating that they are unsure if this story is real and wondering if they were duped.
Somewhat comforting. I think.
So, real or not, I felt it also worth reporting. Only as a public service should any or my readers visit Japan and have their doubts. Tip, stay away from any brown type food until this story can be verified.
According to “Discovery News,” (I’m sure as hell not taking the blame if this story is fake) the steaks were first envisioned by Japanese researcher Mitsuyuki Ikeda after he was approached by Tokyo Sewage to come up with a solution for the city’s overabundance of sewage mud. It was then, I guess upon inspection, that Mitsuyuki recognized that the mud was chock full of nuts. Um…no, sorry, that’s not right. Chock Full of Nuts is a coffee. Sorry.
It was then that Mitsuyuki recognized that the mud was chock full with protein-rich bacteria. Yum.
So, as all mad researchers and scientists do when they’re faced with a problem, especially involving s**t, they go to their labs and conduct experiments. Smelly ones in this instance. And, after isolating those s**tty proteins, they combined them with a reaction chamber, (what else do ya put smelly poop in) and then put them in an exploder. What came out, (yes, I know, you’re thinking poop) was no filet mignon, but was edible.
When asked about this new Japanese project, Kansas State University professor of food safety Douglas Powell said, “Theoretically, there’s nothing wrong with this. It could be quite safe to eat, but I’m sure there’s a yuck factor out there.”
My thoughts Doug, “No s**t Dick Tracy.” Or in this case, “Are you s**tting me Dick Tracy?” Literally.
Ok, here’s the part of this story where, if you haven’t already left when I told you to, that you should immediately leave if you really want to enjoy your dinner or supper. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
To make swallowing the stool steaks a bit easier, a nutty flavor was added using soy protein, and red food coloring was mixed into it as well, apparently to make the concoction look more like a juicy, bloody steak. (think I’m getting nauseous here)
But, if you think about it, it’s no different from eating plants that have been fertilized with manure or other excrement say professor Powell.
“Oh yeah! Well you can have my helping of poop professor.. Honest…no, no, I insist.”
The idea behind this poop into edible steak stuff is to help find a solution to the world food crisis. By the way, they’re also working on “bug burgers” as one possible way to help combat famine worldwide.
(NOTE) Start stocking up on all the food I can possibly get my hands on before this new idea catches on here in the U.S.
(NOTE # TWO) Do not invite any scientists from Japan to my house and let them use my bathroom.
(NOTE # THREE) If a Japan scientist does visit my house and HAS to use the bathroom, frisk him for concealed doggie bags.
One comforting last note here. Professor Powell says that if you’re brave enough to eat this, at least make certain that it’s properly cooked.
Geez, thanks for that tip professor. I’m writing that in my Juila Child recipe book right now.
Tune in tomorrow folks when MisfitWisdom will explore how to make a tasty meal out of various animal road kills. HEY……can’t be any worse than poop for cripes sake.
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