A Giant Tarantula!!!! OMG!!!!

Every other week it’s something. Giant spiders, giant man-eating fish, giant ants, and the San Francisco Giants. Although the SF Giants aren’t really THAT big or scary.

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Then again, there’s Brian Wilson…..

Now it’s a giant tarantula the size of your face!  Yes, the size of your face for cripes sake. (I really gotta stop reading Yahoo news when they report on these things…it’s beginning to freak me out)

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Feeling a bit squeamish are ya

However, not to worry if you live here in the United States or any other country. Unless, you live in Sri Lanka. Yep…THAT’S where this really creepy giant tarantula lives.

(NOTE) Scratch Sri Lanka off of my list of places to visit when I hit the lottery.

Ok, here we go with the strange long names again. Ranil Nanayakkara, (I guess they call him “Yak” for short) who is a local researcher, and his team, (not the San Francisco. Giants) found this tiger spider and named it, “Poecilotheria rajaei,” which is what I’m sure all of us would have named it if we discovered it.

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Hey! It’s in our ethnic background to have long creepy names. Mine is “Smileybeardedtoothabiter.” 

Actually they named it after a local police inspector, (here we go) Michael Rajukumar Purajah, either because they really hate this inspector or he’s quite hairy like the spider. Can’t be sure on that however. Just my guess.

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This is either Police Inspector Purajah or some guy who posted his photo on eHarmony wanting to connect with any woman who is a hairdresser

Oh, here’s the reason they named the spider after him. He was the one who helped the team of crazed death wish scientists navigate the remote area where the spider was found.

(Second Note) Stay away from remote areas if you live in Sri Lanka, and if some police investigator comes up to you and says, “You want to see what I found?”  RUN!

(be prepared….here come the spider cartoons)

Now this spider type tarantula is known for being very fast, colorful, and of course, venomous. As a lot of stinkin’ creepy crawly tarantulas are. So why is this one so different? Because its HUGE!!!

It’s leg span is up to 8 inches across, which, as I said earlier, is about the size of your face. It also has distinctive markings on its underside and legs that are geometrically patterned and described as daffodil-yellow and gray.

Like any of us are gonna stick around and flip over this spider to make sure its the one they found. Yeah right.

(Third note) If you spot daffodils in a field, do not pick them.

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From the Neil Diamond, Barbra Streisand song

The next question you’re all asking is, “What does this spider eat?”  HUMANS YOU FOOLS!

No, that’s not right. I was just attempting to scare the bejesus outta you. It eats small snakes, (no great loss there) as well as birds and mice. Yum.

The team found this spider, of all places, in an old doctor’s office. I’m not sure if the doctor was old or the place they found it was old. I think it was the place, considering in Sri Lanka there is a deforestation problem and the number of trees have dwindled so these spiders, being quite smart, enter old buildings.

I personally thought the scenario below would make a really great reality show:

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Can we get Honey Boo Boo to play the part of the blonde?

It’s getting to the point that you just can’t go anywhere anymore without coming across something that’s giant and wants to either eat you or at least make you pee your pants. Fortunately most of the giant things I’ve written about, (S. F.. Giants the exception) are in foreign countries. So basically if you stay at home you’re pretty much safe.

Unless some nut job decides to go to Sri Lanka, capture one of those damn spiders and brings it back to the U.S.

Kinda like idiots who buy baby alligators and crocodiles for pets, bring it home, and when it gets too big, (when it eats your cat or dog) then dumps it down the toilet or into a nearby stream and the sucker grows huge and they have to track it down before it starts eating people.

Refer to the movie, “Lake Placid” starring Betty White. In which a 30 foot long man-eating crocodile terrorizes people. Cept for Betty, who thinks they’re cute. Damn you Betty.

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Just that it wasn’t a giant tarantula

In a scene from “Lake Placid,” Betty escorts a cow (or, if you’ve seen the movie, “lunch”) to the lake’s edge. Damn you again Betty!

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NO! NO! It’s Ok Ms. White. I’m really not that thirsty….honest!

So that’s the scoop on a giant tarantula for today folks. Hope I’ve made your day a bit more creepier just thinking about spiders infesting your home and eating you alive.

It’s my job, and I’m really good at it.

You’ll have to excuse me now. Have to go to Home Depot and pick up some cans of RAID. Just to be on the safe side.

Ya never know if some salesman from Sri Lanka will come knocking at my door attempting to sell me some really scary looking face sized mice eating spiders.

Or some religious people knocking on my door too. Either way, the RAID works.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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