I personally think the perfect match when it comes to matchmaking couples would be Justin Bieber and Lindsay Lohan. They have so much in common.
Lohan likes to get in all sorts of trouble, so does Bieber.
Lohan likes to show off her body, (Playboy Magazine) and so does Bieber.
Lohan likes to make various appearances in court for her antics, and Bieber is on his way to do the same thing.
Perfect match made in heaven. Or court.
Of course, if you or I did half the things those two did they’d throw away the key to the cell and we’d never be heard from again. But, celebrity status and money talks.
Soooo, what’s Bieber up to today? I thought you’d never ask. Well, as long as you asked, I’ll tell ya. He might just get prosecuted this time. Might is the key word here. Because, as I just mentioned a few sentences ago, celebrity status and money talks.
Bieber, or “Boober” as I like to refer to him as, may be prosecuted for spitting on his neighbor. Yep, spitting.
The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, which I assume you know is in Los Angeles, hence the “L. A.,” say they plan to push to have Bieber prosecuted for that incident. Spitting without a license or something to that effect. My guess anyhow.
Apparently the incident involved eyewitnesses who claim that Bieber spit on a neighbor in a “fit of anger,” (similar to a tizzy fit) although Bieber denies the incident.
“I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it I tell ya! It was a stinkin’ low flying bird!”
The neighbor, according to the news source “The Examiner,” went to Bieber’s house to complain about him allegedly driving his Ferrari at high speeds in the gated community at which they both reside, thereby endangering the other residents.
Me thinkith that if you live in a gated community the speed limit would be, say, around 25 MPH or so. I mean, how fast can ya drive in a gated community driving a Ferrari anyhow? And, most gated communities have those irritating speed bumps to slow you down which would obviously be a real pain in the ass if you’re driving a Ferrari and doing more than the posted limit.
Unless you were driving a Ferrari doing 75 MPH in a gated community with speed bumps and the first speed bump you hit launched you into the air so you, in actuality, avoided hitting those other speed bumps. Which may have been what Bieber was trying to accomplish. Besides wasting time stopping for all those other speed bumps. Or, people walking their pets who might be in the way. Bastards.
So, Bieber, being the compassionate person that he is, flipped out, spit in the neighbor’s face and then threatened to kill him. Which, celebrities can do without any repercussions…..because they’re celebrities.
Bieber denied the allegations but there is now a chance for him to be prosecuted because a landscaper, (a person who scapes land) who was working scapeing land next to the house where the incident occurred, came forward and said that he saw Bieber spit in the neighbor’s face.
Given Bieber’s status as a huge celebrity, it might be wise for this landscaper to request being put into the “Witness Protection Program” lest he be attacked by Bieber, or spit upon by other speeders. Just sayin.’
The victim was a 47-year-old father of three who lived there for 10 years. That makes sense when you consider he was angry at the reckless driving and concerned about his kids. Now, the police want Bieber to be prosecuted, not to put him in jail, (of course not) but to force him to be held to prevent the “dangerous path” they see him headed down.
Which is “Lohanititus.” Otherwise known as “celebrityjerkaphobia.” Which is the fear of no one paying any attention to you unless you are a complete boob or borderline idiot.
As we all know, the symptoms of “celebrityjerkaphobia” are very easy to spot. In the case of Lohan and Bieber.
Excessive drinking to the point of not being able to spell the word “cat” at a sobriety test. Taking your shirt off to show your so-called abs in 20 degree weather. Exposing your boobs in public then realizing you’re in a confessional. Driving erratically so as to be stopped by the police and then claim insanity on the grounds that you are a celebrity and have no idea WTF is going on. OD’ing on drugs and then claiming you were just sniffing Oregano to see if it was fresh. Violating your probation order because you thought it was a “prohibition” order and you read up on it and discovered that “prohibition” was repealed years ago. And the last clear sign of “celebrityjerkaphobia.” You’re a freakin’ jerk.
I personally think that celebrities do this sort of stuff just to keep their name in the news regardless of the consequences. Oops…..did I say “consequences?” Sorry, I forgot….there are NO consequences for celebrities. My bad.
In conclusion, good luck L. A. Sheriff’s Department. We all know where this is going.
Because, as in the famous words of one of our great philosophers, (Mitt Romney) “Celebrities are people too.”
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