The Assassination of “Ham Rove” by Stephen Colbert


Ham Rove shortly before appearing of the Stephen Colbert show

Karl Rove, for which the famous song, “Rove Rove Rove Your Boat” was created, “hammed” it up in an interview with Kaye Foley, (no relation to Red Foley) on ABC’s Otus. One of the subjects was “Comedy Central’s” Stephen Colbert’s depiction of Rove as a ham. Let me clarify this a bit if you’ve never seen Colbert’s routine. An actual ham with glasses. Which, at various times, he becomes upset with and then stabs it with a knife.

Ham homicide. But justifiable.


A peek inside the Ham Rove household

Here’s part of that interview:

“Karl Rove, Fox News contributor and former deputy chief of staff for President George W. Bush, says of comedian-satirist Stephen Colbert’s interactions with Rove’s bespectacled canned-ham likeness, “Ham Rove,” “He’s an entertainer so he gets to be funny and exaggerate things and so forth. Though I have to admit, when he took out the knife and started stabbing it, I think he might need a little bit of professional counseling on his anger management issues.”

Rove joked “I don’t know whether that was working out his inner feelings, or encouraging maybe someone to maybe mimic him or just sort of being funny. But there was a little bit of anxiety in his stabs there.”

Rove is worried that Stephen has an anger management problem? For stabbing a ham?

Yes, I must admit that the ham in question did resemble Karl Rove, but, only because Karl Rove resembles a ham. The MisfitWisdom CSI Ham Investigation Team has studied this brazen attack by Stephen on Ham Rove and have determined that the attack on the ham was indeed justified.

And to further justify our conclusions we called in Raylan Givens from “Justified” to give his opinion and he too agreed that the stabbing of the ham was indeed “justified.”


Well, it WAS justified, but I myself prefer this here gun. Now, see that ham a way over thar… this…..

Actual footage of the attack on the ham has been captured by our hidden MW cameras and we present it to you here with a clip from Stephen’s show and a short segment of the assassination/stabbing of Ham Rove taken by Abraham Zapruder.

(NOTE: Conspiracy theorists relax. We checked and no frames were deleted from the actual stabbing)

Yes, it was only a short few seconds devoted to the actual stabbing, but evidence enough that Rove may be right. Stephen may indeed have an anger management problem. At least when it comes to hams.

However, that said, there wasn’t any conclusive evidence that Stephen has shown any anger problems against any other sort of food. Or various meat.

We consulted with our in-house psychoanalyst Dr. Frebus Housenflocker and asked him to evaluate the entire short video of the assassination.


The renowned Dr, Frebus Housenflocker

This is his conclusion:

“Vell, upon studying der entire short video I vas somewhat taken aback by der violent nature of der attack on der unsuspecting ham. While Mr. Colbert may have some issues regarding his feelings towards hams, it does not appear dat these feelings carry over into other meat, such as der meat worn by Lady Ga Ga, as we haf seen no evidence that he becomes angry when an ink blot test was administered to him showing vhat appears to be meat on Lady Ga Ga’s head.”


USDA Approved

However, vhen presented with a similar ham without der glasses, there vas absolutely no anger present. It appears to me dat der ham in der experiment without der glasses did not provoke Mr. Colbert. But when vee placed der glasses on der ham, it was then that he became violent. It vas not until vee discovered a strange phenomenon in our experiment that vee discovered the cause of his anger. A simple glass of water on der desk. Which brought back extreme traumatic memories of Karl’s waterboarding torture tactics approval, which in turn upset Colbert to der point of attacking Ham Rove.

Our conclusion. Whenever der ham is placed on Stephen’s desk there should not be any source of water nearby. As dis is der result of a traumatic experience involving waterboarding and water. Vee conclude, as der Misfit has stated, it iss a case of justifiable ham homicide.”


Message from the big guy to Ham Rove

So there ya have it folks. “Justifiable homicide.” Stephen is off the hook. No charges will be filed. Karl Rove was wrong when he stated that Stephen may have an anger management problem.

This of course is great news for any hams that may appear on Stephen’s show in the future. Notable hams such as Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich and Harry Hamlin. Actually, Harry Hamlin is not really a ham, but the word “ham” does appear in his name as does the word “ham” appear in “Armand Hammer’s” name as well in the words, “hammock,” “ham bone,” and “hamster.” None of which would provoke Colbert.

Although, one of those, “ham bone” might set him off if it were to wear glasses. Can’t be quite sure.

I did send a letter off to Ham Rove suggesting that if he appears on his show again he might consider wearing contact lenses. Just as a precaution.

Oh yeah, and for Ham not to bring up anything about water or wateboarding in the conversation.waterboarding_1712555

In conclusion, the statement that Karl Rove made regarding “anger management” holds no water. Oops….strike that “water” reference. Sorry. But you get the point.

In the future should you be viewing Stephen’s show and there is an appearance by Ham Rove, just to be on the safe side, ask little children to leave the room lest they be traumatized by yet another senseless attack should a glass of water be anywhere near Stephen’s desk.

Might be another case of justifiable hamicide.

Just sayin.’

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Copyright5 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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