Look folks. I’m not the best word smith in the world. Yes, I write this blog on a daily basis and do editing several times using spell check and even then I sometimes either misspell a word or two because my eyeballs glaze over after editing a number of times. But, that said, which I just did, I would never, I say NEVER, send anyone an e-mail if I did not know how to: A. Use the English language. B. Try to make a point without looking like a complete idiot: C. After apparently having a lobotomy.
Which I think is the case with this e-mail that I simply could not resist presenting to you.
First, let me explain why I received this very intelligent letter. I wrote a book two years ago which I thought was a great mystery novel. So far I’ve sold 3 copies. One to a friend, two to myself. Big seller.
However, the company that published my book, “PublishAmerica” out of Maryland priced my book so high that I can’t even afford it. Then, if I want to order more than one copy of my book, they charge me postage for EACH book in one single shipping order. Then also want to charge me for any publicity releases about my book to people like Oprah Winfrey, J.K. Rowling etc. Who, by the way, have on occasion complained about PA’s tactics about claiming that they, PA, can have any influence on what book they choose to highlight on their shows or endorse.
So, obviously I myself have, along with a lot of other authors, complained in vain, as the rain falls in Spain, to no avail. And, as you are well aware of, anything, such as my complaints that are posted on the Internet, will stay there forever.
So, someone, obviously a very intelligent person, who apparently loves PA was sort of upset that I complained about PA. And he sent me this e-mail:
“The Scams Yall Got Are Lies – People using PA Backwards are the scams, and people who don’t know much about they company are the scams… A book is better than no book – I wonder how much money do you think, Publisher America has to spend on each author they bring in for free,to print and market they book @ each store online, that they books is at. For most of them too sit at home lazy and do nothing with no one in the industry @ the authors on choice to not travel to Oprah’s building and sit on her front door of here Harpo studios , just to get in – or keep calling newspapers on the phone and such – also paying a mere 30 dollars to have a writer write the story of your life so Wikipedia will except you .. – and paying a dollar advance , for someone doing nothing, ain’t bad – though – and PA has ways to get on different than them as the publisher – people just need to do more in they life and still go with Publish America – It would be better than self publishing and then having no sells – when P.A Pays for every thing on 10 thousand authors i estimate.. Some of yall just mad cause yall can’t have enough mula as Publish America to be what they Are.. Publish America Should Keep Charging People, that’s what they need to do to help they self is pay those little fees. I think some authors just choose to never pay the fee’s and sit back telling lies on the internet like some body busted they head. _ I have seen man celebrity’s with P.A Who is willing to work with they authors.. The education say no book can sell without a publicist – P.A Can Act as a agent to sell to Major Publishers Like Bantam – and you think we don’t know why me & PA the reason why they expect someone to change from they Publishing”
That’s it….word for word with no editing on my part. I was going to respond to the sender with, “Soooo, what novel did you write.” But I didn’t want to encourage the person to send me yet another enthralling e-mail.
Although, I must admit, I was kinda curious as to what that person may have written and had published with “PublishAmerica.” If anything…….worth reading that did not require the CIA to decode.
Maybe something like, “How To Write An Impressive Resume.” Or, “How To Interpret The Alphabet.” Or possibly a biography entitled, “My Life As An Editor For Sesame Street Magazine.” Or, “How To Look Like A Complete Idiot By Sending Stupid E-Mails.”
I have no problem with anyone defending PA. Everybody has the right to their own opinions But for Gawds sake if you’re going to send me an e-mail and attempt to make a point, for cripes sake learn how to write a sentence and spell things correctly first. Or at least get a freakin’ computer with a spell check function.
“Deer Mousefeet: I wuz readin da leter that youse posted in yer blog todae and I seen nothin wrong wid what dat guy sez. He mades some good points and I poinsonally think dat youse are jsut havin a case of sour grapes. Youse should be happi dat youse have a book casue like he said in his leter, a book is betr than no book. After all, youse got da book publissed for nothin so what the haell are you complain about. And dat guy is right when he says, the edukation say no book can sell without a pubhlicist….so there.”
Respecovely yers truly, Honey Boo Boo’s parents.
NOTE: I have since given up writing books as I find that the only people who can really sell books are people such as the person that wrote me that letter and celebrities that have really nothing to say but sell books because they’re celebrities. Can anyone say, Sarah Palin, Bill O’Reilly, Bristol Palin, along with various serial killers and ex bank robbers.
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