Crusades are great, if you’re a Viking and like to loot and pillage. Nothing like a great night of looting and pillaging a village and having your way with a few female villagers to make your night. That’s part of going on a crusade for cripes sake.
But, alas, those days, for the most part are history. Not too many Vikings around these days that are into some serious looting and pillaging. Kinda sad isn’t it…..(sniff)
But, then again there’s New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg who’s been on sort of a one man crusade for some time now.
He’s taken up the crusade banner for all non smokers by implementing a number of restrictions on smoking, selling cigarettes, and most recently, wanting to require retailers who sell cigarettes to keep smoking products behind their counters or behind curtains so that no one will see them.
“Hey, Mr. Fnorksdorf, ya got any Marlboro’s? I need a carton and I don’t see any on display in your store here.”
“WHAT! Are you nucking futs Harry! You know damn well I can’t display any smoking stuff where anybody can see them. Mayor Bloomberg would have a conniption for cripes sakes.”
“Soooo, where ya got em?”
“QUIET! The place might be bugged. Come on over here behind this curtain. Here….take a look, your choice of whatever brand ya want.”
(smoke police enter)
“OK Fnorksdorf! We know you’re behind that curtain. Come out slowly and drop any cigarette cartons you might be holdin!”
“OK OK…..my hands are in the air. Whaddya want from me?”
“We’re here just to make sure you’re complying with the law. No cigarettes or any smoking products in plain sight where little kiddies can see them and may be tempted to buy a pack or two. Looks like you’re clean however. Just make sure you keep them dastardly smokes behind that curtain.”
“Noooo problem officer. Can I help you with anything else?”
“Oh yeah, as long as we’re in here. My partner and I will take two cases of Jack Daniels, one case of Southern Comfort, two six packs of Budweiser and one box of your best condoms.”
“Geez…..you guys plannin’ a big party or somethin?”
“Yep. Once we’re off duty we’re gonna pick up a few women, drive down to Atlantic City for some gamblin’ and have a helluva time for ourselves.”
“So what do ya need all that booze for?”
“Hey…it’s a damn long drive down to AC so we figured we’d party on the way down. Nothin’ like some hot women and some good booze to make the time go by fast.”
“But officer, isn’t it against the law to drink and drive? Someone could get hurt.”
“HEY! What the hell are ya….the booze police or somethin’! There ain’t no law against sellin’ booze in stores ya dumb ass. You can display it in plain sight so everybody can pick out whatever they want. Not like those killer cigarettes that kill people ya know. Cigarettes kill people every day of the week. Not like booze ya know.”
“But officer, I don’t ever remember reading about a person driving a car, smoking a cigarette and killing anyone because he was smoking while driving.”
“Whaddya being a wise guy now? Drunk drivers are far and in between, and they don’t kill as many people as cigarettes. Get yer facts straight ya damn bozo.”
Which is why cigarettes, if Mayor Bloomberg has his way, will be sold behind the counter and behind curtains, out of plain sight, and liquor will be IN PLAIN SIGHT. Makes sense to me.
Bloomberg has also crusaded against trans fats, (not the name of a fat guy who works for the Mafia) salty foods, 16 oz “big gulp” drinks, cannoli’s, cheesecakes with fat content and most recently traffic congestion in Manhattan. (unlike regular congestion one gets when one’s nose is stuffed up….but similar)
His latest traffic plan is to entice commuters to use the subway, (not the sandwich chain) instead of driving into the city. He has proposed charging an $8 “congestion charge” for drivers who still insist on driving into Manhattan. (those people who suffer from regular congestion and stuffy noses will not be charged)
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. He also wants to get rid of styrofoam containers because he says that they are environmentally destructive. (many of those containers have been seen attacking the environment on various occasions on the TV series “COPS.”)
One more crusade. All fast food chains would be required to post calorie counts on their food menus. Just in case Count Dracula wants to “count” calories….as all counts do. Which is why Dracula and most counts are very thin.
Now all this crusading, as I stated in my headline today, is something I just don’t get.
To put it very plainly……WHY THE F**K DO I NEED THE MAYOR OF NEW FREAKIN’ YORK TO TELL ME, OR ANYONE ELSE ,WHAT WE CAN PUT INTO OUR BODIES AND THEN MAKE IT A LAW SO THAT WE CAN’T PUT STUFF INTO OUR BODIES THAT WE LOVE PUTTING INTO OUR BODIES!!!!!!!!!!”
Isn’t it up to “US” to decide what the hell we wanna, smoke, eat, inhale, or do whatever with rather than the government telling us what we can’t do? If I wanna be a freakin’ 300 pound trans fat smokin’ salty 16 oz drinking slob while commuting in smog….HEY….that’s MY choice!
Um….did I say “MY CHOICE?”
YES folks. It’s getting waaaaay outta hand here. I do not want someone, namely the Mayor or the government telling me what I can’t stuff into my mouth. Ya don’t see them regulating hookers do ya. (with regard to stuffing stuff) Most likely because no trans fats are involved there. Just guessing.
What’s happening here, at least in New York City, is that one man is taking on the crusade to limit our choices. Bad or good for us….it’s still, and should be…OUR CHOICE and NOT his.
Some people agree. For instance, this news item:
Phil Bryant, Mississippi Gov., Signs Law Banning Restrictions On Food Portions
JACKSON, Miss. — A new law in the most obese state in the nation says Mississippi cities and counties can’t ban the Big Gulp or put other local regulations on food and drink.
Republican Gov. Phil Bryant signed Senate Bill 2687 Monday, and it became law immediately.
“It is simply not the role of government to micro-regulate citizens’ dietary decisions,” Bryant said in a statement accompanying the bill signing. “The responsibility for one’s personal health depends on individual choices about a proper diet and appropriate exercise.”
I rest my case………….behind this big curtain so no one can see it……..
Which contains a big 16 oz drink of Coca Cola, some french fries loaded with trans fats, two cannolis, one slice of cheesecake all packed into a styrofoam container…….YUM
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