I can see where this egg/chicken story is going right now. Millions of chickens taking to the streets in protest of a new creation by obviously a company that has it in for chickens. Which is eggs without the need for any chickens.
This is very distressing news for chickens all over the world who depend on their livelihood laying eggs, distributing them and making a decent living. Not to mention how it would affect their relationship with millions of roosters who depend on chickens to fulfill their perverted sexual desires.
“Hampton Creek Foods” located in San Francisco, California has developed a new egg. One that does not require chickens to do whatever it is chickens do to produce eggs. Messing around with a rooster would be my guess.
CEO John Tetrick says, “We just cannot go on eating like we are right now with our food system. It’s just unsustainable.”
Possibly meaning that the cost of housing millions of chickens in upscale chicken condos is becoming a bit too much to handle. (chicken shit factor)
According to this article in a San Francisco newspaper and by CBS, many Bay Area farms let chickens roam the pastures, but the Humane Society says that more than 90% of the country’s egg-laying chickens are kept in cramped conditions. Tetrick takes issue with the restrictive quarters, with the resources needed to feed the chickens, and the diseases they may catch and spread to humans.
Can ya catch chicken pox from a chicken?
But, just to be on the safe side, do not hang out with any chickens. Um, actually I think “shingles” is a result of hanging out with chickens. Or, working for a roofing company. I’m not 100% sure on that so you might wanna check it out on the Internet.
So what has this company come up with? Other than maybe cloning a chicken and a cat to come up with a hybrid chicken that can lay eggs, perhaps called a, “chickat” or a caten.” Not a bad idea if you own a lot of cats as I do. Make them little suckers earn their keep.
The idea Creek Foods has come up with is an egg made of a variety of plants, (marijuana is NOT one of them…sorry) including peas. Tetrick says, “We use different gums.” (whatever the hell that is…Wrigleys maybe) “We use a host of different plant-based protein sources.”
Hmmm. How exactly do ya get a bunch of plants, and that gum stuff into an egg? Verrrrry carefully.
Which also raises the question. If ya crack one of those eggs into your frying pan does it smell like you’re cooking up a brush fire? Yum.
Tetrick says that it’s hard to believe, (no kidding) that a blend of plants can imitate not only the taste of an egg, but the ability to whip up into a foam like an egg, or coagulate into gel like an egg. But he said his team is clever about selecting plants that not only replicate, but surpass the egg in food products.
“Um excuse me, can I have a plant breast or a wing?”
Hampton Creek is about three months away from starting to put chickens out of work. It will replace the “farmed” egg in some products. CBS asked what they would say to egg farmers who might find themselves out of work. (no mention as to if they asked any chickens that same question)
Most likely most chicken farmers replied, “What, are you f***ing nuts!”
“Change happens,” he replied. “But when change happens, jobs are created. We’re really interested in the company engaging with farmers.”
But what about the chickens for cripes sake!!!! Has anybody asked the chickens what they think about all this? Do you people have any idea the trauma roosters will feel? Not that it’s gonna stop roosters from doing what roosters normally do with chickens. And if that’s the case, what the hell is gonna happen to all those eggs? Baby chickens maybe? THEN, if there’s all kinds of baby chickens being hatched, what then? Chickens taking over the world?
Unless, they do away with roosters.
Ya know, I’m not quite sure how this chicken-egg-rooster thing works. I could be way off base here. (sigh)
The name for these new eggs, (minus any chicken involvement) is called, “Beyond Eggs.” Which in my own opioion is, “beyond belief.”
They will be available on the market in many grocery stores within a month, and according to the company, you’ll pay 15% less than regular non-organic eggs. From, I guess, non-existent chickens.
Is it me, or am I correct in thinking that there are a bunch of mad scientists working in labs all across the country trying to figure out how to make various things by eliminating other things, like chickens, to make our lives better. Or worse.
Next thing you know they’ll be trying to find a better way of solving the age-old problem of, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”
Um, come to think of it, they already have.
Tune in tomorrow folks when we explore how scientists have perfected the perfect woman and the rise in sales at the “Giant Inflatable Doll Company” located in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
And you women thought chickens were safe.
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