Anatidaephobia! WTF! Another Freakin’ Phobia I Gotta Worry About.

Do you ever pay attention to any of those advertisements on TV for prescription medications. They’re all over the tube. Medications for every conceivable ailment you can think of. With six gazillion side effects to go along with them.pills 2

But that’s not the thing that bothers me. It’s that when I watch those advertisements I think, geez, look at all the symptoms listed as reasons for taking the advertised medication. And then I think I have a lot of them, when in reality, I don’t. Which may be the main reason they advertise those drugs in the first place. To make you think you have whatever it is they have a prescription for and then start taking the pill.pills 4

But I’ve finally found one thing that I KNOW I don’t have. “Anatidaephobia.”  No, it’s not having the fear of seeing someone’s anatomy. It’s, now pay attention here, it’s the fear that you are being watched by a duck. Honest!

So far I haven’t seen any advertisements on TV for medication that you can take for being afraid that a duck may be watching you. Except, perhaps, for the Aflac duck. Which I HAVE seen on various occasions watching me from roadside billboard advertisements. But so far, not a real actual duck.

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I think I just freaked out anybody suffering from Anatidaephobia

Now apparently this affects a lot more people than you would think. The Anatidaephobic individual fears that no matter where they are or what they are doing, a duck is watching them. Personally, if I had that problem it would drive me quackers. Sorry…..couldn’t help myself.

So what causes Anatidaephobia? Ducks I would assume.

Actually it’s someone who has experienced a real life trauma involving a duck. Most likely during childhood. Like perhaps watching way too many Donald Duck cartoons. My guess anyhow.

The article by “Yahoo” says that, “perhaps the individual was intensely frightened by some species of water fowl. Geese and swans are relatively well-known for their aggressive tendencies and perhaps the Anatidaephobic person was actually bitten or flapped at.”

Don’t ya just hate it when a duck or goose flaps at you. Which is the geese equivalent of flipping you the bird. Literally.

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The user friendly version of getting the bird flipped to you

So, what are the symptoms of Anatidaephobia. Besides having the urge to hang out at parks and hope some tourist will toss you some bread crumbs or popcorn.

Well, here they are…..and this is for real folks.

You may feel slightly uncomfortable, become nauseated or begin to perspire, the most common symptoms. But wait! There’s more!

Some people who fear that ducks are watching them also experience, a dry mouth, gasping or shortness of breath, muscle tension, overall trembling, hyperventilation, feeling out of control, feeling trapped and unable to escape, and overwhelming feelings of impending disaster. Same symptoms Mitt Romney had on election night.

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Romney sweating profusely during the debates when he realized a duck was indeed watching him

And me too during my two divorces when the divorce court judge was a woman.

So you see, Anatidaephobia can also mimic other phobias. Like fear of divorce court judges.

So how can you determine if you have a fear of ducks watching you?

Well, the vast majority of cases of Anatideaphobia, (I’m really getting sick of typing that damn word…you try it several times) are self diagnosed. “The individual realizes that their fear of being watched by a duck is irrational and is severely interfering with their ability to function on a daily basis.”

The treatment for “A” (got sick of trying to remember how to spell it…..which is called (sickoftyptingalongwordphobia) is talking to a physician. Preferably one who does not own a duck or is insured by Aflac. Traditional “talk” therapy so that you can identify your fear.

IT’S THE FEAR OF DUCKS WATCHING ME YOU DAMN IDIOTS!!!!!

And for this I paid $200 a session.psy

Other methods are, self-help techniques. Like killing a damn duck and eating it for supper. Hypnotherapy, support groups with other people who are somewhat as nuts as you are. Cognitive behavioral therapy or desensitization therapy. (feeling the same feeling that a duck feels when it has a fear that humans are watching him)

Exposure therapy. Which I guess is exposing yourself naked in front of a duck because they, for the most part are naked too so it makes them feel as if you’re trying to connect with them. (refer to photos of Donald Duck not wearing any pants…ever)donald duck naked

Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation. Or sleeping with your head tucked under your arm. Hey….works for ducks.

And finally, in the most extreme cases, of “A,” anti-anxiety medication can be prescribed. However, as always there is the risk of side effects. Such as the urge to constantly preen yourself in public while naked.

In conclusion, the article states that this affliction is an intense, irrational fear that one is being watched by a duck, as I’ve just outlined for all of you, and that the fear can become so intense as to completely stop a person’s ability to maintain daily functioning.”

Scuse me a sec………………..

Sorry…..I just felt as if I were being watched by a duck.

Unchecked, Anatidaephobia can ruin your social life, your personal life and job responsibilities. Because nobody is gonna want to hang out with anyone at a party who keeps looking over their shoulder because they think a duck is watching them. Nor will your personal life be any better either because that Aflac commercial is EVERYWHERE and if that doesn’t drive you even more nuts, the fact that you can’t even hold down a job because your coworker in the next cubicle is eating animal crackers that resemble ducks and you think they’re watching you,….um…..you’re basically screwed.

That’s the bottom line on Anatidaephobia folks. Ah feel your pain.

Tune in tomorrow when MisfitWisdom will take a look at “Readerinternetasymptomphobia.”

Which is the fear of coming down with a bunch of symptoms from reading blogs about other fears people have that you never heard of but now fear that you have it after reading those fears and now you’re feared outta your tree.

Another public service from MisfitWisdom and the American Psychiatrists Association.

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Um….can I have a lottery ticket instead?

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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3 Responses to Anatidaephobia! WTF! Another Freakin’ Phobia I Gotta Worry About.

  1. Lesley says:

    Some of us love ducks….. just sayin’

  2. santostom says:

    Thank you so much for this article Mr. Misfit. Recently I’ve been experiencing the symptoms you have described. I thought I was losing my mind. i keep seeing ducks everywhere, I took some pills, but the ducks got bigger. i think I see ducks everywhere. i know they are watching me. But, now i know i have to get some help. Last week at work, I work in an office, workers thought I was acting strange when i kept looking under desks for those sneaky ducks. But, i guess i went too far when i started looking under the female workers skirts for ducks, didn’t find any. The boss fired me, now i have lawsuits for sexual harassment. i have barracked myself in my apartment and am not leaving home. i don’t think there are any ducks in here, but, I keep checking the closets and under the bed and couch. Nope, none.

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