A “Flatulence” Blog. This Really Stinks. So Ya Might Wanna Clear The Room.

fart 1

Yes, I know, flatulence is something that really stinks so why talk about it. My thoughts exactly. Not one of my favorite talking points when at a party and meeting new people.

Unless you’re at a senior bingo where everyone farts. A major conversation point at senior bingos.

But, apparently there must be a major flatulence (farting) problem in New Zealand and Denmark on many of their airplanes. How else can you explain why a team of British and Danish gastroenterologists published a report on flatulence, (farting) in the New Zealand Medical Journal entitled, “Flatulence On Airplanes: Just Let It Go.”

Oh sure Einsteins…..just let it go. Really!

CC

Scientifically proven of course

Yeah, I’m sitting on an airplane after eating at a really good hot and spicy Mexican restaurant scarfing down two burritos, some guacamole, refried beans and jalapeno peppers dipped in hot sauce and I really gotta let one rip, BUT, here I am squished between some really hot looking babe and on the other side of me a 275 pound mean looking SOB.

What to do?

Obviously the first option would be to delicately squeeze my butt cheeks together as I crawl outta my seat and painfully hope I can make it without gassing several other passengers as well. Then make a bee line to the restroom and fart my brains out.

It’s either that or just fart, say excuse me to the hot babe, thereby blowing my chances of making any headway with her, and perhaps annoying that fat guy on the other side of me to the point where he rips my pants off and shoves a cork up my butt.

Soon appearing at a theatre near you. Clothes pins and 3-D glasses provided

Soon appearing at a theater near you. Clothes pins and 3-D glasses provided

However. Fear not farticus. According to that team of gastroenterologists it’s best to let the mother of all farts rip. Yep, because they say that holding in flatulence, (farts) especially on an airplane with turbulence and sudden drops in cabin pressure could lead to a lot of discomfort such as bloating, intestinal stress and heartburn.

Kinda like the same sensation you get when being audited by the IRS or your spouse catches you in bed with someone else. Worse case scenario, the IRS. Or, even worse, being caught in bed with a female IRS agent.

Scientists have also discovered another use  for farts during those hot summer nights when bugs are all over the place

Scientists have also discovered another use for farts during those hot summer nights when bugs are all over the place

Their smelly report goes on to say that if you battle your body’s need to break wind, (fart) it could be problematic, especially if you have “fart incontinence,” (their words) or if you fall asleep, which in that instance leaves you open to embarrassment of involuntary farts triggered by turbulence, coughing or sneezing.

Again, a prime example would be at senior bingos where there’s a lot of turbulence, (excitedly yelling out “bingo!” Lots of coughing from lack of oxygen because their oxygen tanks are running low, and sneezing and attempting to get outta their chairs and yell bingo and farting at the same time.

B-29!

Pfssssst!  Blazzat!…………………….BINGO!

Gladys attempts to cut a few loose before entering senior bingo

Gladys attempts to cut a few loose before entering senior bingo

Their report cites the reluctance many passengers on airplanes may have to fart their brains out considering the proximity to other passengers which may cause conflicts.

Like that 275 pound guy beating you to a pulp.

But, all in all they say it’s best to just let em rip. You’ll feel much better afterwards as you lie there in the airplane aisle with your clothes torn and bleeding profusely. But with no gas pains whatsoever.

Scarsim always works for me.....

Sarcasm always works for me…..

My question after all this is.

If I were a British and Danish gastroenterologist who wrote a report on farting on airplanes would I really want to admit that in front of a bunch of people at a party………

Without them farting their brains out from laughing.

Just sayin.’

Farticus Tom sent me this latest update:smart car fart

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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3 Responses to A “Flatulence” Blog. This Really Stinks. So Ya Might Wanna Clear The Room.

  1. santostom says:

    Reminds me of a story. An elderly gentleman, older than you, goes to his doctor and says “Doc, (that’s the Doctor’s name), “I am having problems with flatulence. Fortunately, they are not loud and don’t smell. But, I am always farting. Can you help me?” The doctor replied, “Sure, first of all I can fit you with a hearing aid and secondly we’ll have to work on your ability to smell!”

  2. swedenole13 says:

    Picture this….Ricky Gervaise laughing his guts out at Karl Pilkington comments (The Idiot Abroad) going, oh God, Oh God, oh my God, well, that’s me right now at your stories!!!! L.O.L.

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