The New Terrorist Threat: Bunnies!

"Eh....gimmie a break doc....I wuz only in the airport parking lot cause I flunked the body scan."

“Eh….gimmie a break doc….I wuz only in the airport parking lot cause I flunked the body scan.”

Oh sure, Homeland Security is all over the place keeping eyes on terrorist type people and checking body scanners at airports just to see if per chance Kim Kardashian might have had a body scan, but, where are they when ya really need them.

Like in Denver, Colorado.

Yes, Denver. Where terrorism is running rampant. Do ya see Homeland Security or a Congressional Investigation with John McCain or Lindsay Graham there? NO! Do ya see any Senators asking the question, “Who knew about this terrorism in Denver and when did they know?” NO!  Do ya see Bruce Willis, whose real name is “John McClane” heading to Denver to nail all those bad guy terrorists….NO!

Um….most likely because the bad guy terrorists aren’t really bad guy terrorists but bad rabbits. Or, as some of us refer to them as…….cuddley bunnies.

Why bunnies have an attitude

Why bunnies have an attitude

But don’t be fooled by those big bunny eyes and fluffy fur and those cute puff-ball tails. They’re hardened criminals and Denver has a major problem Houston.

Quick! Call out the National Bunny Squad!  Do it now before it’s too late and Easter is upon us. (nobody likes to do in bunnies during Easter)

Soooo, what’s the problem you ask?  Well, I’ll tell ya.

It seems that bunnies have been wrecking havoc, as havoc goes when you’re wrecking it, on cars parked at the Denver International Airport, which, in case you haven’t figured out by now, is in Denver, Colorado.

Yes. Terrorist bunnies causing thousands of dollars in damage to cars parked at the airport. Locks picked, trunks pried open, radio stations set to PBS, and carrot residue left in the ashtrays of many vehicles. OMG!!

If you spot an Easter egg at the airport...be verrrrry careful.

If you spot an Easter egg at the airport…be verrrrry careful.

Shuttle driver Michelle Anderson told a local TV station that she has personally seen dozens of these terrorist bunnies every morning. “They go hide under the cars and the cars are warm.”

But what’s the really big problem, other than bunnies keeping warm under cars and possibly stuffing exhaust pipes with Easter eggs?

The bunnies are eating spark plug cables and other wiring in those vehicles. Which makes sense to me considering those wires are varied in color, which is very tempting to any bunny because it helps them create those colorful Easter eggs.

Hey….if you’re a bunny making an Easter egg you need coloring. Where else are they gonna get those colors needed for their eggs?  It’s not like they can go out and buy a box of Crayola crayons or something ya know.

How Misfit traditionally celebrates the season of Easter eggs. By sharing.

How Misfit traditionally celebrates the season of Easter eggs. By sharing.

The airport reports that wildlife workers are removing at least 1oo bunnies a month until parking companies can build better fences and perches for predator hawks and eagles.

The problem here folks is that they can remove 100 bunnies per month, but you and I both know that bunnies do their bunny thing a lot more times than we humans can, (bunny sex) which reproduces 200 or more bunnies a month.  So actually the math is in favor of the bunnies.

Noah forgets to bring the condoms.

Noah forgets to bring the condoms.

As far as the hawk and eagle theory goes, I still think it favors the bunnies.  Obviously bunnies will outnumber hawks and eagles so it’s only a matter of time before the bunnies take over. Not only that, but just how many bunnies can a hawk or eagle eat in one day?

Cripes, if I ate one bunny, I’d be full for the rest of the day. Feed me a ham for Easter and I can’t move off of the sofa for 8 hours. So what’s it gonna be like for a hawk or eagle?

Why you should never leave bunny slippers alone for long periods of time in your closet.

Why you should never leave bunny slippers alone for long periods of time in your closet.

However, local merchants have come up with a novel idea to stop those bunny terrorists. They say that coating vehicle wires with fox urine will deter the bunnies.  Which is fine.

But, exactly how to do you get a fox to either pee on vehicle wires or hand some urine over to you? Unless they’re required to take drug tests and authorities save their urine.

Actually, fox urine is available at hunting shops.

WHY!  I haven’t a freakin’ clue.

“Festus, nice to see you again. Are ya comin’ in to buy a new gun?”

“Naw, I needs me some fox urine today Harvey….maybe a gallon.”

“Oh sure, no problem. What….yew gonna have another one of those drug tests at work or somethin?”

“Yep…..fools them suckers every time. Cept for one minor problem.”

“What’s that Festus?”

“Even though ah pass the drug test, that thar drug testin’ person keeps tellin’ me ah should go see a vet cause my urine says I’m pregnant.”

So, yet another “harey” story for you to ponder folks. But, that said, remember that bunnies, for the most part are hopping happy creatures with a really good sense of humor.

Typical bunny humor

Typical bunny humor

So, that’s the poop (rabbit type) on this bunny terrorism problem at the Denver airport. I’m sure they’ll get everything under control as soon as they figure out the best possible solution other than pouring fox urine all over your car.

Otherwise, after solving the bunny problem, it could turn into a fox problem with all that fox urine odor emanating from everyone’s car.

And…..as far as I can determine….not everyone likes Fox News. Urine or no urine.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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