Help! Help! I’m Stuck On A Luxary Cruise Liner!! Oh waiter, could ya give me an olive for my martini?

Horrible I tell ya. Simply horrible. I can’t even begin to imagine the horrors of being trapped on a 15 story Carnival cruise ship in the gawd awful Gulf of Mexico. Damn! Why, oh why couldn’t have been somewhere nice, like the North Atlantic Ocean where the Titanic sank.

At least, considering the power was out on the Carnival Triumph, they’d be plenty of ice available for their cocktails as they endured all those long days and nights (5) having to drink warm drinks. Ohhhhhhh the deprivation of it all.

How in the world did any of those 3,000 passengers survive?

Obviously totally distraught, dirty looking, and unhappy Carnival cruise ship passengers disembarking after their log horrible ordeal

Obviously totally distraught, dirty looking, and unhappy Carnival cruise ship passengers disembarking after their long horrible ordeal

Poor souls had to actually pitch tents made out of bed sheets to sleep out on the deck to escape the odors of toilets that did not work and water, water, everywhere. Even in the Gulf of Mexico.

AND…on top of all that, nothing to do. How awful, Nothing to do on a cruise liner. Why the hell would anyone going on a cruise want to go on one with absolutely nothing to do?

Hey….if I’m gonna go on a cruise, I damn well wanna be doing something rather than just lying around getting all sunburned. Screw that ship entertainment stuff. Shuffleboard, the pool, free shows, parties, movies, meeting new people, dancing. I can do that stuff back on land for cripes sake.

Give me something new I can do!

Like when the ship lost its power due to an engine fire and some passengers met new people whose rooms were stinky and had no power, invited them to their room, and had a helluva time. You know, like sharing stories, forming bible groups, just taking in the sun and relaxing…… stuff like that.

Now that’s something new I couldn’t do back home in my one room apartment. No challenges there. Boring…..boring. Hell, my toilet even works. What the hell kinda story could I possibly tell with a toilet that works.

Do we get to see Governor Chris Christie's house?

Do we get to see Governor Chris Christie’s house?

But ya have to feel some compassion for those poor miserable souls. Having to trade stuff like cereal and drinks for stuff that other passengers had that they wanted, or needed because of the short supply of food and drinks. Oh yeah….and ice too. (one plus point for getting stranded in the North Atlantic….ice)

“Psssst. Hey buddy. I’ll trade ya this luke warm Harvey Wallbanger for that salami sandwich ya got there.”

“Hmmm, throw in some Preparation H wipies and you got yourself a deal.”

For that intimate moment on a cruise ship

For that intimate moment on a cruise ship

Can you even begin to imagine the horror? Leaving the port of Texas on February 7th and not getting back to land again till February 15th!!!  EIGHT DAYS!!! OMG!  I can’t even begin to imagine being on a cruise ship that amount of time. One day, maybe a day and a half, but eight days!!  I’d go stir crazy without having access to a McDonald’s, Dunkin Donuts, and my own TV remote. Can’t get those on a freakin’ cruise ship.

And NO CABLE TV!!!   OMG!! Why the hell would anyone wanna go on a cruise?

So, I can understand a lot of the passengers being upset at being stranded on that ship having to endure the horror of overflowing toilets, water in some hallways, no ice, limited food, no cable TV, poor or no cell phone reception, and surrounded by 3,000 other passengers who were complete strangers, some who could be serial killers for Gawd sake.

For sanitary reasons of course.....and to pass the time....among other things.

For sanitary reasons of course…..and to pass the time….among other things.

You know how there’s been a lot of serial killings on cruise ships. Um…..wait a sec….(checking story)

OMG! Tony! Snap, Crackle, Pop, No...Noooooooo

OMG! Tony! Snap, Crackle, Pop, Capn Crunch, Count Chocula, the Leprechaun,…….No…Noooooooo!!!!

Ohhhhhhh. Sorry. I got that wrong. It’s NOT serial killers. It’s “cereal” fillers. Those crew members who fill your cereal bowls at breakfast in the morning.

Still….the horror of not having those guys around and having to fill your own cereal bowl. Awful…..simply awful.

And that’s what texas passenger Cassie Terry, (really!) thinks. Which is why she was the very first passenger to leap off the ship, bolt to an attorney’s office, and file suit against Carnival.  Malfeasance of malseasance perhaps. Based on her comments when asked to describe conditions aboard the ship which she endured:

“A floating toilet. A floating petri dish. Floating hell.”

She also stated that she, “feared for her life.”

Most likely from all of that floating stuff. As floating stuff goes. Me thinkith she is going to file her claim as having a bad case of “floatingpoopaphobia.” Might wanna stay away from parades as they also contain a lot of stuff on floats.

Meanwhile, Carnival has offered passengers complete refunds to cover their trip expenses, and transportation back home along with a $500 compensation.

Obviously Ms. Terry from Texas is thinking that thousands, ($) thanks to a lawsuit is on the horizon, which she most likely thought of while watching the horizon while in the Gulf of Mexico.

“Geez….do those clouds over there on the horizon look like dollar signs Harry?”

“Yeah Cassie…..biggggggggggggg dollar signs.”

Most attorneys, (the non ambulance chasers) seem to be of the opinion that suing Carnival for what took place is difficult but not impossible to win unless the plaintiff can show actual injury or illness.

Makes sense to me....

Makes sense to me….

“CASSIE!!  CASSIE!! Start barfing and keep grabbing your chest!!!”

NOTE to Cassie: THIS (photo below) is what being stranded MEANS!!!!!hanks castaway

So landlubbers. I’m of the opinion that, besides this being an unfortunate and unpredictable non life threatening occurrence, all in all it turned out well for everyone on board the Carnival Triumph. Other than those emotional scars, which, in time, along with $500, total reimbursement for their trip and transportation home, will fade.

“Marvin…..honeee……..I spent a week on a Carnival cruise ship and it was totally exciting.  I learned how to make signs and tents out of bed sheets. Got my photo taken by all the TV networks as I tanned myself on the deck while spelling out the word “HELP.” A dark good-looking pool guy, Raoul taught me how to pee and poop in a plastic bag while doing the limbo.  And best of all sweetie, I lost 25 pounds climbing up to the top deck because the elevators were out-of-order.”

“Geez honey. Sounds like ya had a great time.”

“Yeah….and look here honey…..they gave me $500 dollars, a free trip on any Carnival cruise, and paid my way home.”

“Cripes hon, who the hell did you book that trip with……..such a deal!”


2,999 other passengers can’t be wrong!!!!

Just sayin.’

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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