When It Rains…It Pours….Which Is Why I’m All Wet Today.

badday

We’ve all had those days when nothing seems to go right. For me, it’s been one of those weeks. Perhaps you all can relate to some of this stuff.

Once every few months I travel a round trip total of 100 miles so the VA can examine me for insanity and other afflictions because I’m way over the hill. Not that I actually have any afflictions mind you. Other than the insane part.

Personally I think they just like to irritate the hell outta me because I’ve written not to flattering blogs in the past about the VA.

No but

No but it IS the VA’s favorite activity…..trust me on that one.

“So Doctor Frankenstein, I see that Misfit fella is due to come in for his checkup this morning. What do you have planned for him?”

“Well Nurse Pain, let’s give him an eyeball check to make sure his eyeballs are functioning properly. Go find the smallest eye chart you can find and I’ll get the eye dilate stuff ready to drive him nuts…….and blind on the 100 mile trip he has to take to get back home…heh, heh.”

“Anything else doc?”

“Yeah, while we’re at it, put him down for a whooping-cough and shingles shot. Get those really bigggg square needles while you’re at it.”

Thank Gawd my shots were in my arms. I'd be writing today standing up.

Thank Gawd my shots were in my arms. Otherwise I’d be writing today standing up.

Now folks, I’ve NEVER been near any type of whooping bird, which is where, I assume, one would contact whooping-cough from, and as far as shingles go, I’ve never shingled any house, nor have I had any relations with chickens, which again, I assume, shingles come from. I have eaten a lot of eggs in my lifetime, but I always cook them first….just to be on the safe side. And always dispose the egg shells as required by Homeland Security and the Center For Disease Control………in my wastebasket.

Did they buy that reasoning? Nope. Gave me the shots anyhow. Which gave me the itchies and the redness for five days.

Bastards.

Not to mention I couldn’t see a damn thing driving home with my eyeballs dilated.  Actually, they only dilated one eyeball, so I drove home looking like Blackbeard the pirate.

How whooping birds get whooping cough.

How whooping birds get whooping-cough.

So, that started my week off on the wrong foot…and eye. But, being the mild-mannered guy that I am, (I take after Clark Kent) I took most of it in stride. Until the itchies and the rash hit. Which, is a symptom of shingles, BUT, which I don’t have, have NEVER had, and will NOT have because I got that shot. But, which (the shot) gives you so that you don’t get the itchies and the rashes that you get if you get shingles. Go figure.

As far as the other shot goes, the whooping bird or whatever thingy shot, I think they (the VA) just threw that in for good measure. Kind of a balancing effect considering I got one shot in each arm.

I DID question them as to why I needed a freakin’ whooping bird shot, at which point they corrected me and stated that it had nothing to do with whooping birds, and that it was basically because one tends to “whoop” when coughing. Which I’ve never done. Hack maybe, like a cat with a hairball in its throat, but never whooping.

Whooping cat

Whooping cat

I was informed that there’s a lot of whooping-cough cases going around. So I should be prepared just in case.

I replied, “There’s been a lot of pregnancies going around since super snow storm Nemo, should I be on birth control pills too?”

But, those docs at the VA absolutely have no sense of humor.  That, and the fact that my particular doctor was either Egyptian or Pakistani and did not understand American sarcasm.

(NOTE) Never do stand up comedy in Egypt or Pakistan.

So the rest of the week, other than the itchies and the rash, went along pretty good until yesterday when I heard the usual from my other half.  “Dear, we have to go to Wal-Mart to buy 200 more cans of cat food because the little suckers are eating us outta house and home.”

So off we went. Positioning my truck outside of the store while my other half ran in I noticed my brake pedal hit the floor. Obviously a clear indication that something was wrong. (I’m pretty smart when it comes to figuring out when there’s a mechanical problem)  Mainly when I can’t stop my truck.

What my other half was thinking as I pulled out of the Wal-Mart parking lot.

What my other half was thinking as I pulled out of the Wal-Mart parking lot.

Soooo, I carefully drive home (no brakes) and hoped that no idiot stopped abruptly in front of me or that I don’t hit any red lights and I’m home free. Other than the one old lady crossing the street with a walker and a bag of groceries there wasn’t any problem. Yes, I did help her pick up the grocery bags she dropped in the cross walk as she double timed it to the sidewalk screaming her fool head off.  I’m tellin’ ya, those old seniors simply have no consideration for a guy driving a truck with no brakes while he’s leaning on the horn and yelling out the window to get the hell outta the way.

By the way, have any of you guys who’ve had the same problem with brakes going in your vehicle ever notice that if your spouse or girlfriend is sitting in the passenger seat while you’re attempting to make it home safely is holding on to the dashboard, sweating profusely, and constantly under their breath saying, “Oh Gawd, Oh Gawd.” Must be a woman thing.

What I was thinking driving my truck home listening to my other half panic

What I was thinking driving my truck home listening to my other half panic

So the truck gets towed from my driveway to the mechanics garage and he determines that it’s the brake line. I replied upon his diagnosis of the problem, “DUH!”

And told him that the brake fluid and the fact that I  HAD NO BRAKES was kind of a clue to me that it might be a brake problem.

My mechanic absolutely has no sense of humor either.

Which is why he told me the bill will probably be about $200 to $300 dollars and I won’t get my truck back till sometime in June. Actually he was kidding……not about the cost, but about June. Monday the latest he says.

In the meantime, my good friend Tom let me borrow his truck so that I can survive for the next few days with at least some form of transportation.

Jusssst in case we have to go back to Wal-Mart to stock up on another 200 cans of cat food.

When it rains it pours.sorry_crying_cartoon

Scuse me, I gotta get outta these wet clothes.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to When It Rains…It Pours….Which Is Why I’m All Wet Today.

  1. santostom says:

    By the way, the rear brakes don’t work. Drive with caution! As soon as you think “it will get better”, it doesn’t. Do you want some more cats? There are a couple of wild ones here at the compound. I have an extra can of brake fluid it you need it.

    • misfit120 says:

      The rear brakes don’t work! No problem….I stop the front of the truck first. Don’t need brake fluid either…I use my feet when I’m coming to a stop. As far as the cats go……keep em, you need some companionship.

      Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com

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