“Topps” Bans Pete Rose On Their Cards. Something smelly here….and it’s not a rose.

One of the passt "Topps" Pete Rose baseball cars. (when it was OK for Topps to make money off of this card)

One of the past “Topps” Pete Rose baseball cards. (when it was OK for Topps to make money off of this card)

(NOTE) For some reason, (bugs) some of today’s cartoons may be too small to read. Simply click on the cartoon and they will enlarge)

******************************************************************************

“Soooo Marvin, whats the company agenda today at our Topps Baseball Card meeting?”

“Oh, I forgot to tell ya. Today we’re gonna ban Pete Rose from appearing on any of our 2013 baseball cards because he bet on baseball games.”

Then let's go to a casino honey.

Then let’s go to a casino honey.

“But Marvin, Pete Rose was banned from playing, coaching or managing any baseball team since 1989. Um, are we just finding out about that or is this another one of those dead days in the board room?”

“Um, I think it’s another one of those dead days in the board room Ralph. That and the fact that it’s spring training time and all the little kiddies will be bugging their dads to buy them a new set of Topps baseball cards, so the CEO has decided we needed to get our name out there before the competition.”

“How’s that gonna help Marv?”

*

Sure Babe….then I’ll bet ya 20 bucks I can out hit ya at the plate.

“Well, ya see Ralph, there’s all sorts of companies that make cheaper baseball cards than Topps so we have to get sort of an edge by getting our name out there before they do. So, if we make the news headlines by banning Pete Rose, the first thing any kid is gonna remember when he sees that news headline is the name, “Topps” and immediately ask his dad to buy him our cards.”

“So you mean this is a publicity ploy considering that Pete Rose was banned from baseball in 1989 and it’s been 24 years and a lot of younger kids have no idea who the hell Pete Rose is?”

“Exactumondo Ralph.”

“But I don’t get it Marvin. How’s that gonna help Topps other than get our name out there. Don’t ya think that kids are gonna ask their dads about Pete Rose and then want to go out and find a card with him on it as a collector’s item from another card company?”

Oops....

Oops….

“Nah…ain’t gonna happen Ralph. Here’s the secret plan I didn’t tell you about. First of all we make the national news and ban Pete Rose from our cards. Then there will be a public outcry that we’re being totally unfair to Rose because other guys haven’t been banned, like Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mark McGuire, and Pee Wee Herman and……….”

“Marvin, Pee Wee Herman didn’t play baseball. He played with his…………….”

“Oh yeah….I know, I know, sorry, ya don’t get banned for masturbation activity. But, as I was sayin,’ once the public outcry goes berserk and we have to relent, we’ll have a gazillion Pete Rose baseball cards in our warehouse just ready to release in a special commemorative gold lined embossed signed by Pete Rose card edition and have the baseball market cornered. They’ll all flock to the stores to buy Topps baseball cards.”

**

Thank Gawd!

“OMG Marvin…..that’s brilliant!  So THAT’S why we’re gonna ban Pete Rose from our 2013 cards!”

“Hey, whatever works to drum up sales buddy. We’re not stupid here at the Topps company ya know. After all, Pete Rose deserved getting banned for doing those dastardly drugs and all. And now that time has passed, and a new generation of kids will be buying our cards, we’re playing the odds.”

***

Obviously those are vitamins.

“But Marv, Pete Rose never did any drugs like those other guys did. He just gambled on baseball.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. BUT….it’s just as despicable as doing drugs. So what if he was the MLB all time hits leader. We don’t care. Gambling is gambling. And the “Baseball Hall of Fame” agrees with us too. He’s banned from there as well. Besides, banning is the in thing now. Look at Lance Armstrong.”

“But Marv, Pete only gambled on baseball. He didn’t do any mind-boggling out of yer tree drugs to help him obtain all those fantastic hitting records. Shouldn’t we cut him some slack for cripes sake. It’s only gambling.”

“Ralph….Ralph….you’re missing the point here. We made this “simple decision,” according to the Topps CEO, because um, er, well, um, because of “no specific reason.” Well, um, at least that’s what we’re gonna tell the media.”rose 7

“Sooooo what’s the real reason we banned him from the cards this year?”

“Free publicity Ralph! For Gawds sakes….don”t you get it. Free publicity! Get our name out there in front of all those innocent baseball card buying little kiddies! Trust me on this. It’ll work. And it won’t cost us a stinkin’ advertising dime. It’ll be all over the Internet. Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, newspapers, TV, talk shows, ESPN, bloggers and even maybe on the Flushed Limberger show!”

“But Marvin, with all due respect, didn’t Flush Limberger do drugs too? And a lot of other people who might be reporting this story?”

****

Which is usually from 12am to 12am (24 hrs)

“Noooo problem. None of those people are on any of our baseball cards so we have nothing to worry about. So just sit back, let’s go to our meeting, vote “yes” on banning Pete Rose from our 2013 Topps card line for his gambling vices, and sit back and watch how this all plays out. We’re gonna make a million bucks on this ploy.”

“Ok……so whaddya wanna do after the meeting?”

“Well, to celebrate this brilliant idea, I say you and I pick up a couple of hot babes, tool on down to Las Vegas, hit one of the sports bars down there, and lay a few bucks on who’ll win the World Series this year. Hell, I really cleaned up on the Super Bowl bets I placed. Hey, by the way, got any weed on ya.? These corporate meetings sometimes stress me out.”

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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