I wrote this blog last week but put it on hold due to the Grammys. So, lo and behold, as lo and beholding goes, I picked up my copy of “TIME” magazine this week and what’s one of their sidebar articles entitled. None other than “Away With Words.” Which is the move by some states to “move towards gender-neutral language.” Meaning words that contain words or part of a word that is gender specific. Such as Man lock, Manhole, and Airman.
I suspect “TIME” has planted a bug in WordPress and somehow knows what blogs I have scheduled. Bastards.
Just thought I’d clear that up for those of you who read TIME.
“Hey TIME! I’m working on a blog about the sex life of fruit flies.”
Let’s see where that goes. (just testing them folks)
The English language contains a lot of references to men, or in this instance to clear things up a bit….the word “man.” As in “Manhole,” “Manhandle,” “Maniac,” “Mannequin,” “Manpower,” and so on. Further proof that it is indeed a “man’s world.”
Think about it. You don’t see any references to women in any of those words. Say for instance, “womencover.” Besides, when was the last time you saw a woman come out of a manhole? Not that in today’s day and age a woman wouldn’t be able to do that. But….I guess it was named that because men come out of manholes more than women do.
Then there’s “manhandle.” Why is it men always get a bad rap for manhandling things? I’m sure there are a lot for women who manhandle things, so, it should be, in some instances, changed to reflect that.
“Mrs. Crankswakle, you are hereby sentenced to 30 days in the slammer for womanhandling Mr. Crankswakle using a frozen salami.”
Now mannequin I have no idea as to how the word “man” got into that word. Sure, there are men mannequins in store window displays, but there are women mannequins as well. So why is it just MANequins? Why not womanequins?
Manpower is another one. Don’t women have power too? Hillary Clinton, Sonia Sotomayor, Nancy Pelosi, and Marge Simpson for example. Verrrry powerful women if ya ask me. So it should be “womenpower” too.
“Come on Alice for cripes sake, put some womenpower into it. I can’t stand out here in the freezing cold while you try to get those lug nuts off that tire!”
Now this next one definitely needs some tweaking. “Maniac.” WTF is with that? Why is it always “maniacs” doing maniac stuff like chopping heads off, shooting up places, jumping ahead of the line in a grocery store? There should be “womaniacs” too. Plenty of them around. Does the name Lorena Bobbitt ring a damn bell? Now THERE was a prime example of a womaniac!
Of course it’s ALWAYS a “manhunt.” Gimmie a freakin’ break here will ya. All those law enforcement officials, SWAT teams, and barking dogs always seem to be on a manhunt. But ya never hear any of them referring to a “womanhunt.” Unless they’re off duty and headed to a singles bar.
Then there’s this one courtesy of “Hall and Oates.” (YouTube) Which could go either way depending if your mind is in the gutter or not.
Want to get your own way? Sure, all you have to do is “manipulate” someone. What a crock of pulate stuff that is! 9 out of 10 times it’s women who manipulte men. So it should be womanpulate.
“Dear, would you like to buy me that beautiful fur coat. I really love it.”
“Huh. Why would I spend a thousand dollars just to buy you a fur coat when you have a perfectly good L L Bean all-weather coat to wear for any occasion?”
“Because if you buy me that fur coat I’ll let you have your way with me tonight using whipped cream and M&M’s.” Perfect example of “womanpulate.”
Now for the life of me I have no idea how whoever came up with this word called “manicurist.” Manicurist? Are ya kidding me! 99.9 percent of the time, except for Elton John, women go to a manicurist. So why is it “manicurist?” It should be “womancurist.”
Mannerisms is yet another “man” word that should be changed to reflect “womanisms.” Like when a woman flips you off. THAT’s definitely a womanism because, obviously, she’s a woman. It’s not only men that flip ya the bird. Although women tend to do it with a bit of finesse. I dunnno, there’s something sexy about a woman flipping you the bird.
Finally, the word, “manure.” Now look, I know a lot of guys are full of s**t, but to label it broadly as manure is just not right. There’s gotta be womanure” too. Aren’t most cows females. Sure, the ol bull walks around and does his manure thing wherever he wants to, but so do the female cows. Another instance of men getting a bad “man” rap. It’s gotta stop right now.
Men and women need to join forces to put an end to all this “man” stuff. Bring it to a vote with a petition.
Yes…. starting a petition and sending it to the White House to force them to introduce legislation in Congress to stop this “man” discrimination problem. It’s time women take some of the responsibility. And, in some cases, recognition….as in “manhole” and “manpower.”
MAN UP for cripes sake people!!!
Um…er…..wait a sec. I just did it myself. Damn.
Ok…..Man Up and Woman Up people. It’s time to take action.
Now that I’ve cleared all of this up and have incited some of you to take action, my work is done.
Lunch time. Gotta go.
My other half just made me a nice “Manwich” sandwich. Yum!
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