From Captain Jack Spratt, um….wait….sorry, got that confused with that other Jack guy who ate lean meat. What I meant was from Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean,” to “Edward Scissorsfingers,” to “Tonto,” and of course “Willy Wonka,” Johnny Depp now is taking on the role of that notorious criminal and super bad guy Whitey Bulger.
Which is an obvious choice considering Depp and Bulger look remarkably alike.
Amazing isn’t it. They could have been separated at birth.
Now you may recall that Whitey Bulger was a notorious gangster who was on the FBI’s Most Wanted List, along with a night out with Lady Ga Ga, which may or may not be still on their list. Hard to tell.
You might also remember the movie “The Departed,” (not about leaving Boston on a bus) but about Bulger’s time in the Boston area which depicted his alliance between the FBI and the Irish Mob. So this will be yet another movie about Bulger.
Of course Bulger was eventually captured along with his girlfriend, (commonly referred in mob lingo as a gun moll) in Santa Monica, California while hiding out in a senior complex. Which is where all senior mobsters usually hang out. Lots of money to be made in the bingo trade.
The movie’s title is “Black Mass,” (nothing to do with witchcraft or Christine O’Donnell) and the title stems from the New York Times bestseller “Black Mass: The True Story of an Unholy Alliance Between the FBI and the Irish Mob,” written by Boston Globe reporters Dick Lehr and Gerald O’Neill.
The FBI and the mob are Irish? Damn…..the things ya learn on the Internet.
And all this time I thought the mob was strictly Italian. You know, from watching a lot of mob movies. Scenes like:
“Goddfadder, ya want me to take care of Louie da Snake and make him sleep wid da fishes?” As spoken in Italian in many mobster movies.
Now it’s, “Is minic a gheibhean beal oscailt diog dunta!” Which, when translated into English from an Irish Mob movie where the Godfadder is really pissed off means, “An open mouth often catches a closed fist O’Guido.”
Hmmmm……somehow it doesn’t seem so threatening.
Bulger is 81 and, as I said, was captured, and is being held somewhere in a nice comfortable cell until such time as he is brought before a bunch of straight as an arrow investigators to testify about what he knows about whatever it is he knows about. Mobster stuff I guess. Which could be very damaging to the FBI and any other law enforcement agency who may have used Bulger as an informant. Other wise known in mob lingo as a stool pigeon or ratfink.
No offense to pigeons or rats in general.
So, Depp will have his hands full portraying the life and crime activity of Bulger. Because as the article in “The Wrap” states, it, “paints a vivid portrait of Boston’s underbelly and its corrupt political machine, as well as exposing the worst scandal in FBI history.” Next to J. Edgar Hoover’s vivid painted portrait of Clyde Tolson scandal.
Um…..no, there wasn’t a vivid portrait of Clyde Tolson scandal. I just made that up. However, there’s always been much talk about the relationship between Clyde and J. Edgar. Which could have been scandalous, but, has nothing to do with Johnny Depp, Bulger, Bulger’s girlfriend, or Jack Nicholson. Whose character in “The Departed” was patterned after Bulger,” and as far as I know, never knew J. Edgar, Clyde, or his girlfriend, but indeed may know Johnny Depp.
The plot thickens. Does Jack Nicholson really know Johnny Depp?
Depp as we all know is a very versatile actor. Having played many different roles as I mentioned earlier. Most recently playing Tonto in “The Long Strangler.” Rats…..sorry, I meant “The Lone Ranger.” The “Long Strangler” is another movie filmed in the depths of the Amazon about a really long snake that devours actors on a film trip but does not star Johnny Depp. Kinda like the film, “Anaconda” where Jon Voight gets sucked up (eaten) by that realllly big snake.
Depp was supposed to star in “Transcendence,” which I have no idea what it’s about, other than guessing that it’s about stuff that transcends, considering it’s produced by some guy with a really strange name, Wally Pfister, who was the cinematographer on films like “The Dark Knight,” and “Inception.”
Would have been more of a catchy title if those films were combined and called, “The Slightly Tanned Knight’s Conception.” I personally like a lot of really good steamy sex scenes involving Knights, damsels and chastity belts. But, what the hell can ya expect from a guy whose name is “Pfister.” Betcha no one ever pronounces the “P” when they say his name either.
No date has been set for the release of the movie. But, no date has been set for the release of Bulger either. Me thinkith that one better not hold ones hand on ones butt waiting for the release of Bulger, including Bulger, because the movie will come out waaaay before Bulger is ever released and most likely will be on TV in re runs by the time Bulger EVER gets to see the light of day again. Or an actual real life Leprechaun.
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