“Soooo Harvey, whaddya wanna do today? I’m really bored.”
“Geez, I dunno Festus, whaddya you wanna do?”
“HEY! How about we go down to the street corner and get ourselves branded with a hot branding iron!”
“YEAH! Sure beats just hangin’ around the house eatin’ vegeburgers.”
Yes folks, if you’ve ever just thought about getting yourselves branded with a hot branding iron so that you can protest against animal cruelty, now you can do just that. If you live in London. Or, if you’re that into protesting and want to fly there just to get yourself branded.
Better hurry. This branding takes place on March 22nd in broad daylight on a street corner according to Jo Macfarlane of the “MailOnline.”
34 year-old Becky Folkard, a successful senior manager at a wealth management company, and, I guess, a vegan, came up with the idea of branding people in protest to animal cruelty. Most likely while eating broccoli, because that’s what eating broccoli does to women’s minds. Which is why men refuse to eat it. Makes ya nuts.
No, she will not track down people freely roaming the countryside, tackle, throw them to the ground, and brand them. This will be a volunteer only branding. Kinda like if a cow knows it’s gonna get branded eventually, so, rather than put off the inevitable, just gives in and takes the branding like a man….or cow.
Should you be one of those people who’s always wanted to be branded to show your support for the inhumane treatment of any animal that is branded, rest assured that you will be given the opportunity to choose the brand of your choice, (USDA might be a nice touch) and that medical assistance will be on hand to assist you after you’ve been branded.
I personally think the term, “medical assistance” with regard to being branded might be a turn off for me. Just sayin.’
You might want to think twice about this after reading Becky’s description of a branding:
“The iron will smoke as it sears his skin. His skin will blister and weep almost immediately and the brand will leave a wound so severe he will be permanently scarred with the numbers on the iron…269.”
The number refers to the ear tag on a male calf filmed on a dairy farm being readied to be sold for veal or leather.
Now folks…..I’m not a vegan, but if I were, I can sure as hell think of less painful ways to stage a protest rather than get branded with the number “269” somewhere on my verrrrry sensitive body.
Like taking my leather jacket and giving it to a cow in a field on a cold Winter day.
Um….on second thought, maybe not. It might be a relative of the cows and cause a traumatic reaction.
Or perhaps I could take a pair of my hand crafted leather gloves and slip them onto some cows udders. Nothing like a good pair of leather gloves to keep those udders warm on a cold winter morning. No trauma there. Cow can’t see her udders. I think.
Maybe instead of having myself branded on a London street corner in front of hundreds of people whose only attraction to this event would be to see me scream out in pain and bawl like a two-year old while flopping all over the sidewalk would be to simply get a less painful tattoo of that number on my shoulder.
Or…..to show my solidarity to cows, have it on my butt. As that’s where, I’m assuming, most cows get branded. Well, maybe not the male cows. I think they get it on their shoulders. Just to impress female cows when they’re attempting to show off their macho bodies.
Time for my cow joke: Sorry.
So, these two bulls were standing by a fence admiring a bunch of female cows roaming in a pasture.
One bull says to the other:” Hey Marvin, whaddya say we go down there and hit on those babes.”
The other bull replies: “Geez, I dunno Ralph, we really need an excuse to just go down there and start a conversation.”
At that moment, Ralph spots an old rubber glove on the ground, picks it up, and tells Marvin to follow him down to where the female cows are.
Upon approaching the hot looking female cows, Ralph saunters up to them, clears his throat, (ahem) and in his deep baritone male macho voice says to all of them, as he holds the rubber glove in his mouth, “Excuse me ladies, did one of you happen to drop your brassiere?”
A bit of cow humor there.
So anyhow, if you plan on taking part in this protest, obviously you must be deeply committed to the cause. Which is taking a stand against animal cruelty. A noble gesture.
I for one salute you all.
By using “Cremora” in my coffee on the day of the protest. It’s the least I can do to show my support.
And mainly because I’m a certified wimp when it comes to pain.
(DONATE) There is no pain involved in using the MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link posted below. Other than the painful part of parting with a few bucks out of your wallet. Which, if it is made of leather, you should be ashamed of, and immediately make a donation in support of this protest in London. If the link is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste it into your browser. Udder than that, thank you.
Donations to this non leather blog since January 2009 AD……( 1 )
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