Seems like today the only place one can enjoy some really great music without being disturbed is somewhere where no one will disturb you…..namely six feet under in a casket. Nobody’s gonna complain about the sound being too loud. No neighbors to bang on your door or calling the cops to have you turn down the volume. And best of all, the acoustics are really great.
To get my drift on all of this, watch the video below, which features the latest in high-tech caskets for the true audiophile who truly believes in life after death. Or, at least rock and roll after death.
See, you can take it with you. Well, at least your favorite music collection. Jusssst in case there is life after death, or, they mistakenly bury you alive. OR, if you just happen to be in the employ of the Mafia and somehow got on their bad side. Ya never know. Might as well be prepared.
“But Goddfadder…..I ain’t no rat. Honest, I didn’t squeal to da cops…honest!”
“Sorry Giovanni, itsa too late. But donta worry. Youse ain’t gonna sleep with da fishes.”
“Oh, thank youse Godfadder, thank you….I knew youse had some of da compassion.”
“Giovanni! Youse ain’t sleepin’ with da fishes but youse gonna sleepa with da “Grateful Dead.”
“Da Grateful Dead? But Godfadder, if youa talkin’ about da rock and roll group, dey is still alive….I donta get it?”
“No Giovanni……youse gonna sleepa with Jerry Garcia.”
“But Godfadder, hesa dead and six feeta under der ground.!”
“Exactly my point Giovanni. But donta worry, you cana taka all of your Grateful dead CD’s wid you and just, so to speaka, “chill out.”
Yes folks, you too can enjoy death in your own custom designed high-tech coffin with speakers linked to the web that will allow you to have a living playlist of your favorite music. Grateful Dead playlists or any music of your choice.
Which, by the way, is highly suggested that you choose before you buy the farm.
Thanks to those innovative Swedes, namely Fredrik Hjelmquist, who obviously does not know the correct spelling of “Frederick,” he’s designed a coffin that will entertain the dead and provide solace for grieving friends and relatives by making it possible for them to also alter the deceased’s playlist online. How freakin’ neat is that!
Not only can you pick out your own music playlist but your survivors can alter that playlist for you just in case you get really tired of listening to the same old stuff over and over again….like for an eternity.
Caution….if you’re planning on taking advantage of this, do not, I repeat, do not allow access to your playlist to any of your enemies or ex wives. Otherwise they may program songs like, “You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dog,” (Elvis Presley) “Alone Again Naturally,” (Gilbert O’Sullivan) Or “D.O.A,” (Bloodrock) Or worse yet, Lawrence Welk’s accordion favorites.
Hjelmquist, (what’s with the damn “J” in his name anyhow?) says that when his time comes, (most likely Swedish time) that he will have opera music for his long sleep. Which, as far as I’m concerned would, if I had to listen to continuous opera music, kill me off for sure if I was buried listening to that stuff.
Hmmmm. Maybe that’s why he chose opera music.
So far he hasn’t sold any of his coffins. Considering the price tag is 199,000 in Swedish crowns, I can understand why. I’m guessing that in American money it’s about $30,000. Unless Swedish crowns are actual “crowns” like a King or Queen would wear and people just can’t get their hands on any of them due to the fact that there aren’t very many Kings and Queens just roaming around in Sweden where one could scoff up a crown. My guess anyhow.
He also suggested that perhaps Ozzy Osbourne or Keith Richards should buy one. I’m assuming because he thinks it might be construed as an endorsement and be great publicity for his casket line.
So far, neither Ozzy or Keith have volunteered to be the first to purchase one of his caskets. Most likely due to the fact that they have no immediate plans on dying very soon.
My suggestion for Hjelmquist would be to offer other amenities such as a built-in HDTV 3-D, or perhaps a laptop computer…….um, no, that won’t work. Can’t very well use a laptop computer if you’re laying down. No lap.
Ok….then a casket ceiling mounted computer with remote mouse. The again, if you’re gonna spend an eternity in that casket, you might have more than one mouse at your disposal….if you catch my drift. Along with other creatures.
Of course no casket would be complete without a really good cell phone. Might wanna check on the coverage you’ll get first before signing any “long-term eternity plan.”
Finally, just in case you can’t take it anymore and you’ve exhausted your music playlist and have no one on the upper level that will update it for you, you might want to just end it all with a sure-fire music selection that would cause anyone to croak.
“Tiny Tim’s Greatest Hits” album.
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