Yep, the United States Post Office has been crying wolf now for eons. At least it seems that way. Budget problems. Less people using snail mail. Snails in the unemployment lines. Forever stamps that may last forever while the postal service may not. It just goes on and on.
But, I do my part in an attempt to save the postal service. Yes…I actually write honest to goodness real letters that you actually put into an envelope, attach a stamp to, and give to the post office to mail. How prehistoric is THAT! I’m just doing my patriotic duty to save the postal service.
Also because the mailman is the only other person I see on a daily basis that I can have a conversation with because I lead such a dull boring life.
But, that said, I think I’m beginning to set a record when it comes to writing letters to people and being ignored. Either that, or I’ve mastered the art of being invisible. I’ve said it before a gazillion times, so make this a gazillion and one. I always get ignored asking for donations to this blog, but, that said, I’m kinda used to it.
I really don’t expect anyone to donate to a stupid blog because, why donate when ya can get something for free. Besides, I think all of my blog readers are the same people who get those free address labels in the mail with a nickel attached to the donation form that says “please make a donation, and while you’re at it, send the nickel back,” and instead of sending it back, they stuff the nickel into their pocket.
But, besides being ignored as far as donations go, I’m also beginning to set a record for the number of times I’ve sent out letters to various people too. And seeing that actually writing a letter is becoming a lost art, you would think someone receiving a letter would say to themselves, “OMG….an actual honest to goodness letter written on honest to goodness paper with an actual postage stamp…OMG!!!”
But, obviously not the case. Maybe it’s the people I write to.
Like the letter I banged off to Bank of America telling them what a bunch of low life jerks they were for offering me a credit card through one of those mailings they send out. And then, telling me I have to deposit ninety-nine dollars into that account if I wanna use it to buy something worth ninety-nine dollars, which, if I actually had ninety-nine dollars wouldn’t need their stinkin’ credit card in the first place. Not only that, but then they’ll charge me a fee to use my ninety-nine dollars because I used their card to use my ninety-nine dollars. WTF!
Needless to say, they never responded. Can’t understand why. And I was quite cordial too. Even signed it, “Stupidly Yours.”
Sometimes I send out letter on a whim. Usually when I’m extremely bored and come up with an idea to promote this blog, which is usually, as my other half points out to me, “A stupid lamebrain idea,” but I go ahead and do it anyhow.
Like a letter I sent off to “Comedy Central’s” Stephen Colbert asking him if he could give me, and this blog, the “Colbert” bump. Which is when he mentions someone on his show and they become famous. As an extra added incentive, I even sent him an official MisfitWisdom baseball cap. Actually it was kind of a bribe. Did it work? No! But some slug in Stephen’s office has now got himself a really neat hat.
Then, there was the time I got all ticked off at my town fathers. (this does not mean that I have more than one father) My ire was that for years they’ve been planning this big project just up the street from my house which would bring in gazillions of dollars to the town with condos, stores, parks, and a nice place to walk. Have they developed it yet? Nope.
Soooo. I said to myself. “Hey…..I know a guy that has a lot of money to spend on a project like that!” Actually I don’t know him personally, but I figured what the hell, he doesn’t know me either, so I’ll just send him a letter and, who knows, he might be interested.
So I pounded off yet another letter to none other than Donald Trump. Boy…I even sent him maps, news articles, and mentioned that this land was situated between two major casinos and what a great investment it would be for him. Did I get a stinkin’ letter back? Nope.
And ya wonder why the U. S Postal Service is going broke.
BECAUSE NOBODY’S SENDING ME BACK ANY MAIL USING STAMPS….THAT’S WHY!!!
Except Publishers Clearing House. And I’ve never even once sent THEM a stinkin’ letter. Go Figure.
I know what you’re all thinking.
“Misfit. Why waste your time sending out real letters when you can e-mail these people?”
Because these people don’t read their e-mails half the time because they already get six bazillion e-mails from people like the rest of you who send them e-mails that they don’t read because they get a bazillion of them in one day….that’s why! Not to mention that a lot of them don’t list their e-mail addresses because they know flakes like me are gonna send them stupid stuff.
Which is why I attempt to confuse them by sending my stupid stuff priority mail.
Ya see, if they see a priority mail envelope they think it’s important, open it, find out it’s not important, THEN throw it in the garbage. But, at least it got opened. Which gives me some sort of consolation. Which is that I screwed up their day for a few minutes by making them open up a worthless envelope. At least from their point of view.
But….at least I’m doing my part to keep the postal service in business…..for now.
Which reminds me. I need to send a letter to the postal service asking them if they’ll give me a discount on stamps because I use so many stamps to send out those useless letters to people.
WAIT! They might not answer my letter either. Damn!
OR……I could just drive it down to my local post office and give it to them. Can’t ignore me then.
(DONATE) Yes, another stupid blog by none other than yours truly MisfitWisdom with another reminder that the MisfitWisdom useless PayPal donate link in posted below. Why do I bother? Beats the livin’ bejesus outta me. Boredom I guess. Anyhow, if the link is not highlighted, (blue…which is the same color of my mood when no one donates) simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. No stamps required.
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