Ok, here we go again. Screwing around with an American institution, namely, the Monopoly game by Hasbro. The Associated Press, who keeps pressing things that aren’t really pressing issues but pressed me to comment on this story about the Monopoly game, reports that Hasbro, the makers of Monopoly have decided to get rid of one of their game tokens.
Why you ask? Because it’s what people who make things like games and things do just to screw with our minds. That’s why!
How many times have you had to adjust to updates and new features on computer programs that took you weeks to figure out, and then when you’ve finally got it all figured out, they go and change it again. Bastards!
I’d mention the snags and bugs in “Windows 8” but I’m not going to mention it. Unless I just did.
So here’s the deal. Hasbro wants to eliminate one token from the Monopoly game to, as I said, screw with us.
“Sooooo Marvin, whaddya propose we do at our monthly meeting here at Hasbro today?”
“Geez Herman, it’s been kinda boring at these meetings. Um, let’s see. Hey! How about we eliminate one of the Monopoly tokens and screw with everybody’s mind that owns a Monopoly game!”
“Hey! Great idea Marv. Not only that, but we might be able to sell more Monopoly games to people who want to update their old games so as to not be stuck in the 19th century using old tokens. Nobody wants to be caught playing Monopoly with an outdated bunch of tokens. Damn….it’s like owning Windows 7 or Vista for cripes sake.”
So, what token are they going to eliminate? Well, it’s up to us. Yes….us lowly everyday Monopoly slugs to choose which token we want to give the deep six to. That way Hasbro can’t be held accountable for knocking off someone’s favorite token or be called before a Senate subcommittee to explain why they did in a certain token. Pretty clever if ya ask me.
So here are the tokens, one of which, will have a contract put out on it.
The “battleship.” (no military person owning a Monopoly game will veto this one)
The “iron.” (Obviously a favorite of housewives and will not get their elimination vote)
The “racecar.” (NASCAR enthusiasts will rally the flag against eliminating this one.)
The” Scottie dog.” (yep….you got it, the American Kennel Club will give it a paws up to keep it)
The “shoe.” (cobblers will bare their soles to rally against dropping the other foot on this one.)
The “top hat.” (this might be the one to get the axe considering not very many people wear top hats anymore, except for U. S. Presidents at some inaugural ceremonies, and, considering there’s not much love for the president these days, and Congress for that matter, this could be the one to get dumped)
Finally, the “wheelbarrow.” (this one also would have a lot of supporters as there are a lot of construction workers out there as well as the cement industry, who use a lot of wheelbarrows. Mafia support as well….a very powerful group with much stock in the cement and wheelbarrow business)
So, kind of a tough call there folks. But, as I mentioned, we have the final say. Beginning Tuesday, January 15th, Facebook fans of Monopoly can vote on which token to eliminate and which one to add. The voting ends on February 5th.
So, what choices do ya have as to what new token to add?
According to Hasbro, the possible choices are, a cat, diamond ring, guitar, toy robot and a helicopter. All great choices considering each one has appeal to certain groups. Cat lovers, women who love diamonds, guitar players, people into robots, and everyone, such as myself, who owns a helicopter.
I myself, being a bit off the wall and borderline insane, would have come up with some better choices. Only because I think differently than normal people.
So here are some of my suggestions for ya Hasbro.
The “bird.” Obviously with middle finger extended. Only because I’ve always thought this should be our national symbol considering so many people use it these days and during a heated Monopoly game what better way to express yourself….especially if you’re losing the game.
The “dollar sign.” This would be perfect for Monopoly players who are constantly complaining about the government’s entitlement programs, but wind up taking advantage of those programs which would be evident if any of them land on “go to jail,” and need to be bailed out. Great for “AIG,” “HSBC,” “Allstate,” “BP,” and “Bank of America,” who are mosy likely Monopoly players who might wanna cheat at playing that game. (ya have to think about that one)
The “condom.” Jussssst in case you get screwed playing this game.
And finally, the “reality show token.” Which is shaped like the word, “duh.” Just in case you get tired of playing a game which may seem mindless to you and you need a reminder that there’s plenty of other ways to screw with your mind like watching reality shows.
A special $17.99 limited edition of Monopoly called “Golden Ticket,” will be available at Target stores beginning February 15th with golden versions of both the old and new tokens. It will be the last time all of the classic tokens will be available with the game.
I assume, even with the introduction of the new Monopoly tokens, you will still be able to pass “go” and collect your $200 providing you do not pass “go” at a unreasonable speed. I’m not sure if using the helicopter token counts as passing “go” however.
Might wanna check on that before you play the game and get screwed out of your $200 dollars.
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