Dead People Get Their Own Reality Show….Go Figure.

reality show 1

First of all, let’s take a look at the definition of “reality.” Which, I always thought meant, “real” for cripes sake. Here’s the most common definition according to my “MisfitWisdom Dictionary of Words You Were Too Stupid To Know The Definition Of.”

Definition of REALITY

1
: the quality or state of being real

Like in “ALIVE!!!!”

Which brings us to yet another inane reality show called, “”TLC’s Best Funeral.” Yes, a show about funerals. If ya ask me, this one should be sponsored by AARP or some term life insurance company.

“YES Folks….act now and call our 800 number and you not only receive one funeral, but TWO! Just in case you wanna take your spouse with you.”

So the premise of this show is to highlight the most off the wall funerals because, obviously, we as brain-dead TV viewers, have a craving for watching off the wall funerals.

As I just said...."off the wall funerals."

As I just said….”off the wall funerals.”

Yep, I just said to my other half yesterday, “Ya know honey, there’s just not a lot of programs showing funerals on TV anymore. And I’m really getting tired of going to local funeral homes just so I can be entertained. Thank Gawd for this new TLC program.”

Of course the only good part about going to an actual funeral home is that there are no commercials. As in the TLC show. Unless you count the pitch the funeral director makes as you enter the door of his establishment and he says to you, “Greetings, nice of you to come, and, um, how old are you.?”

And you reply, “Why I’m 70.”

And he replies, “Hmmm, hardly worth going home isn’t it….here, take my card jusssst in case.”reality 3

So what is it that TLC, which of course stands for, “The Learning Channel,” is supposed to be learning us this time? I would think it’s “learning us” that not too many people want to “learn” stuff on the TLC channel because it’s freakin’ boring. So they decided they’d better “learn” us stuff that isn’t really “learning” but stupid, because that’s what reality TV is and if they can make a few bucks off of “Honey Pew Pew” why not a few dead people.

For instance. Their premier episode this past week featured, (now deceased) Willie McCoy who was, and I emphasize “was” in this case, famous for, (when he was alive) singing the jingle for “Chili’s” baby back ribs on a commercial.

Of course the funeral home, “Dallas Golden Gate” and funeral director John Beckwith Jr., gets all sorts of publicity, which, as we all know, is very hard to come by when you’re dealing with stiffs all day long. Noooobody wants to know how your day went.

Their motto: “Home giving celebrations for the dead.” Honest.

My kinda night out.

So what better way for TLC, the funeral home, and everyone to honor Mr. McCoy, (no relation to the “Real McCoys”) but to have a few pigs and some livestock honoring him. Fitting don’t ya think. I suppose after the gathering, guests could feast on those four-legged creatures honoring him. Just a thought. Hey….waste not, want not.

For Willie anyhow.....

For Willie anyhow…..

Other honorees include an urn on a ferris wheel, a barbecue sauce fountain, (yum) funeral home employees dressed as elves, and, the best part of all, professional mourners.

“Ohhhh….sniff…..cry….cry…honk…honk…..he was such a wonderful…..sniff……gentleman….sniff. Um, who was this guy?”

Mr. McCoy did go out in style. His casket was shaped like a smoker, (which of course could later be used for those various livestock and pigs….kinda like a two for one deal) and the funeral director actually wore a chef’s hat. Nice touch don’t ya think.

So let me see if I understand all of this correctly. Reality means “the quality or state of being real.” BUT….you can be dead and still be considered a “reality” as long as you wind up dead on a reality show as long as you’re an actual “real” dead person and not some fake dummy or mannequin in a casket. Like when “Howdy Doody” passed away some years ago and they had to pull strings to make his funeral a really good reality show event.

“Look Buffalo Bob…..Howdy’s lips are still movin!”

“Yeah…. yeah……but don’t pay any attention to that man behind the casket.”

"Not now....not now...for cripes sake....can't ya see I'm doin' a funeral here!"

“Not now….not now…for cripes sake….can’t ya see I’m doin’ a funeral here!”

I’m tellin’ ya folks, this reality show stuff is really getting to be off the wall. You can basically do anything in life, (except write a daily blog like this one) and get to be on a reality show. Cripes….now you can even be dead!

But, I still refuse to watch any of those shows. Nope. I’m not gonna succumb to this stupid ploy by TLC and other networks to suck the intelligence outta my brain. I need all the intelligence I can get, so I’m not wasting it on watching reality shows. I have my own damn reality life I have to deal with.

One of my own reality show ideas that #^%$#!! Bank of America and TLC rejected.

One of my own reality show ideas that #^%$#!! Bank of America and TLC rejected.

UNLESS……..

And here is my weakness. UNLESS……TLC or some other channel comes up with a reality show about Hugh Hefner, (86) and his new bride, Crystal Harris, (26) that shows them during intimate moments beginning with their honeymoon night. (also sponsored by AARP or some term life insurance company)

THEN….I might be  swayed into watching that reality show.

If only to observe, for scientific purposes of course, how an 86-year-old guy can get it on with a 26-year-old woman without farting in bed.

If you’re a senior….you know what I’m talking about.

"Crystal....Crystal....not NOW! Let go...I think I'm having the big one!!!"

“Crystal….Crystal….not NOW! Let go…I think I’m having the big one!!!”

Just sayin.’

(DONATE) The ever unpopular, (even at the Playboy Mansion) MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. Mr. Hefner, if you’re reading this, and you make a donation, I promise never to make fun of you again for the rest of your life. (cripes, the guy is 86, Crystal’s 26, how long would I possibly have to keep that promise anyhow)

Donations to this blog since January 2009 SD……( 1 )

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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