Yesterday, as you may recall, providing you weren’t in a blind stupor or something, and you read my blog about those students at a school in Utah that had their drama play cancelled due to what the “educators” deemed were too “sexually suggestive” lyrics in a song in that play, (All Shook Up-Elvis Presley) you may have said to yourself, or selves, depending on how many split personalities you have, “Hey…WTF! Utah. Is THAT song really suggestive?”
As did I. Considering a number of other songs that are really “sexually suggestive” that have been recorded by various artists over the years. Imagine if those students at that school had chosen to used Clarence Carter’s, “Strokin'” or something. Which, in my opinion should be used in all biology classes in high school..if only to educate students on the up side of living alone if you’re really ugly. My thought anyhow. Wouldn’t hurt.
So let’s take a look at some rather sexually suggestive songs just in case some other students get any ideas about including them in school plays.
Thank you….now back to our blog.
(NOTE) Utah students….. just ignore these song suggestions due to the fact that if your school educators think “All Shook Up” is sexually suggestive there’s no way in hell any of these songs are gonna get by them)
“Give Peace A Chance,” Plastic Ono Band. (John Lennon-1969) A rather timely song about peace and love, but, had to be censored because it contained the dastardly word, “masturbation” in the lyrics. Which, if you say it, or do it, will warp your hands, make you go blind and prevent you from participating in any school plays.
“Let’s Spend The Night Together,” Rolling Stones-1967. Banned on the Ed Sullivan show because it suggested spending the night together doing whatever it is that Ed Sullivan may have thought that spending the night together meant. Most likely finding the right adhesive for this dentures considering he could never pronounce the word “show” and said “shew” instead.
“My Ding-A-Ling.” Chuck Berry-1972. We all know what a freakin’ ding-a-ling is. It’s those bells an ice cream man uses when he’s driving down your street so that you know he’s coming. If you have a dirty mind listening to Chuck’s song, you’re thinking a ding-a-ling is a male body part that you learned about from listening to “Strokin,” and found out what to do with it by hearing the word “masturbation” in “Give Peace A Chance.” Definitely would have gotten the deep six in Utah.
“Sexual Healing,” Marvin Gaye-1982. OMG! The sexually suggestive song ever! And to think. All this song was about was when you were feeling sick, or down with the flu or something and all ya had to do was call a doctor, (female preferably) and she would heal you with perhaps some really good sexual pills. Like today….which are known as Viagra and Cialis.
“Geez doc…um……wanna stick around for a few extra minutes.”
Now as far as I’m concerned, if you want to be 100% sexually suggestive, either walk around completely naked with a red bow and a sign that says, “Here’s your present honeeeee!” Or, be a little bit more subtle and play, “I Want Your Sex,” by George Michael-1987. Perfect for any school play in Utah if you really wanna piss off those educators.
“She-Bop,” Cyndi Lauper-1984. It’s supposed to be sexually suggestive but, being the naive person that I am, (yeah right!) I never quite understood the sexual connotations regarding whatever it is that she-bopping involves. Um….yes I do, but I’m gonna cop-out on this one because……um…well…er…..just because.
“Of course we can’t leave out the Western aspect of sexually suggestive songs as in, “Back In The Saddle Again,” Aerosmith-1977. If you’re a damn pervert, or just have sex on the brain as all men do, you’re thinking of “saddle” as meaning the device ones rides on when riding a horsie. Um, maybeeee not. (just kiddin’ with ya there guys)
We all know that “Back In The Saddle” was originally sung by that ol Western cowpoke stand up type hero guy Gene Autry. Most likely a tribute to his horse Champion. So if ol Gene sang a song about a saddle and his horse and was glad to be “back in the saddle again,” then we all know it’s safe to use this song in a school play in Utah. Unless there are a lot of lonely people in Utah who just have horses and….um…..cripes….forget it!
Damn….seems like EVERY song has something that’s sexually suggestive.
How about “Like A Virgin,” Madonna-1984. Surely, Leslie Nielson, that has nothing to do with sex. Now I KNOW this song is strictly about olive oil. I ain’t stupid ya know.
And “Puff The Magic Dragon,” Peter, Paul and Harry…um….Mary-1963. Really cute song about a dragon who smokes. See….no sex involved there. Drugs maybe, but definitely no sex.
Might as well just list three more songs that will be banned in Utah before those poor kids try to use any of them. “More More More” Andrea true Connection-1976. (about sexual greedy people wanting more of whatever)
“Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.” Rod Stewart-1978. (Rod recorded this while standing in front of his mirror in his bedroom) Nah……might lead some kids to decide to cross dress and wear women’s clothes just to appear sexier. Damn you Rod!
OK…OK…um……well the last song that should be banned is obviously Meatloaf’s “Paradise By The Dashboard Light.” (1977) Lots of sex in that one. Geez………
WAIT! The ol lightbulb just went off….HAH!!!
Any school official that trys to nail ya for a sexually suggestive song, just tell em you got the goods on them while playing that song in their presence on your iPod. Might wanna do that at a PTA meeting.
Taking a line from that “Capital One” commercial…………………..kinda……………
“What’s in YOUR closet?”
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