HEY! Ya Know What! Yew Talk Funny!

Today’s blog is about talking funny. No….not about telling funny jokes and stuff, but about really just talking funny. Like in, “Hey, yew sure talk funny!”redneck speak eng

So why am I on this subject today?  I’m in an overload talking funny and sounding funny meltdown mode after many years of living with a woman who drives me nuts because she tells ME I talk funny. Why? Because I’m a dyed in the wool New Englander, (Rhode Island….which, for you geographically deficient people reading this, is NOT actually an island)

And my other half is a partially dyed in the wool (gasp) Southerner, (West Virginia, which, is nowhere near the West and does not have any cowboys or members of the Bush family living there)

So, being from R.I. we have no use for certain letters in the alphabet. R. I. is very small so why take up a lot of space using the entire alphabet when people in that state understand what you say anyhow. For instance, we have no use for the letter “A” in a lot of things.

If you’ve ever watched a Red Sox game and heard announcer Jerry Remy pronounce Dustin Pedroia’s name, he pronounces it, “Pedroirer,” and Tampa Bay as “Tamper Bay.” Or when my other half asks me a question and I answer, “I have no idear.”

SEE! All of you know perfectly clear what the hell Jerry and I were saying. So why use a that letter “A” all the time. It’s useless here in New England.

Yeah.....everybody knows it's really pronounced "cahw-a-sockee."

Yeah…..everybody knows it’s really pronounced “cahw-a-sockee.”

BUT…………..

Take those Southerners….like Ms. Misfit. Who uses sentences like, “Do you not want to go out tonight?” Or, “It’s pouring down the rain.” Or pronounces the word, “cow” as cahw.

Now obviously she has a minor disability called “Southernsoundinghicksanitus.” Which, you can spot very easily by observing Senator Lindsey Graham, (R-SC) and Senator Mitch McConnell, (R-KY) whenever they appear on TV and try to sound sincere while the rest of us who do not have that speaking affliction have immediate flashbacks to the TV program, “Hee Haw.”

Lindsey is that yew? Well gol dern Mitch, fancy meetin' yew here!

Lindsey is that yew? Well gol dern Mitch, fancy meetin’ yew here!

So I not only have “Hee Haw” flashbacks watching those two senators, but I’m living with one of them. Not a Senator, but a funny sounding type person.

How the hell do ya take anyone who sounds like that serious! Really! Unless you’re Southern. In which case, you probably think us Northerners sound funny. BUT. Keep in mind just how many Southern states there are with regard to the entire other 50 states.

YOU’RE OUTNUMBERED!!!

Um, except for those people up there in Minnesota, North Dakota and South Dakota. They have an entirely different language up there. Can’t fool me. I’ve seen the movie “Fargo.” So there!

I've programmed my computer to respond in this manner only when Ms. Misfit uses it.

I’ve programmed my computer to respond in this manner only when Ms. Misfit uses it.

So, what to do? Simple. I gave her this following reading test just to see if she could read it. If you’re from the South, or one of those two Senators, might wanna try this too:

“Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy , it deosn’ mattaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.”

The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fcuknig amzanig huh?”

So if you understood that entire paragraph, why the fcuk do “I” need to use “A’s?”

And if you’re one of those Southerners who didn’t understand it, don’t feel too bad. My other half didn’t either. Which is one reason I don’t let her edit my blogs anymore.

I’ve tried. Gawd knows I’ve tried to purge that Southern accent from her. Nothing works. Cow is still cahw. It’s still pouring down the rain. I guess I just have to live with it. Another point. Thank Gawd her shiftless brother (below) lives thousands of miles away.

See what I mean.....

See what I mean…..

And I say that only because we were once invited to a wedding, but, upon receiving the invitation, (below) and not owning a gun, or the fact that I’m kinda shiftless myself, I declined the invitation.redneck wedding annct

But I must tell you. She’s the one who spends the most time with our five cats. Feeds them talks to them….stuff like that. Which is fine.

BUT. The very first time one of those cats says “meowy’all,” I’m outta here.

And I’m not fcuking kidding.

And now, a very touching and sentimental Southern song…….

http://youtu.be/dlTHLAC4B4g

(DONATE) The Misfit Wisdomerrrr PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. Should yew all……….oops, it’s y’all be kind enough to donate ah thank yew from the bottom of my cotton pickin’ black eyed pea okra lovin’ heart.

Donations since January 2009……………….( 1 )

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=GD5SHCQ2WTU2N

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

Advertisements

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s